Sabotage Times, We can't Concentrate so Why Should You?Sabotage Times, We can't Concentrate so Why Should You?

image

Saboteur Profile

See all Saboteurs

Adam Clery

Sabotaging since 10 Oct 2010

Adam Clery is a Geordie journalism graduate and aspiring patter merchant who decided to cash in all his chips and up-sticks down to London. His life now consists of penning his thoughts on life, love and football for such reprehensible organisations as Scheidt's Footballing Miscellany, Trisickle Magazine and, of course, Sabotage Times. His dad may have played for Scotland at some point, but don't hold that against him. He takes milk, no sugar, and you can give him a piece of your mind at @AdamClery..

My Articles

Article Image
Life

5 Things You Didn’t Realise You Were Terrified Of

From the overlord that is Google to the cavernous cakehole of Julia Roberts, we take you on a trip down Fear Street…

6
Article Image
Football

Is This The Most Disheartening Period In Newcastle History?

Pardew’s promised that his return will signal a return to form for our side but I’m not so sure… Just look what it’s done to poor old Ben Arfa.

1
Article Image
Life

The 10 Women* We All Secretly Fancy

Living in the public eye but operating almost unnoticed, there exists a secret society of women who, unknown to our girlfriends, subtly get us all hot under the collar. Here they’re celebrated for all their strange allures.

151
Article Image
Football

Newcastle: Keeping Delusional Gobs***e Big Sam Would’ve Been Disastrous

Apparently we’re known for being short of patience but, no matter what some fat bloke at the Daily Mail said, thank God we got rid of Big Fat Sam…

3
Article Image
Sport

5 Things I Hate About Football

Football – It’s brilliant and we love it (sometimes). But with awful punditry, silly new rules and social media madness creeping in, I’ve got more than a few gripes with with beautiful game…

6
Article Image
Football

Newcastle: Dumping Cisse For De Jong Feels Wrong But Team Have Been Unlucky In 2014

Tiote’s unfairly chalked off goal typifies our run since Christmas, we’ve been unlucky but if Pards doesn’t win next two, it’ll be him getting the abuse…

7
Article Image
Sex

(Don’t) Talk Dirty To Me

Nowadays dirty talk is as much a part of the mating ritual as GUM clinics and sleeping in ‘the wetspot’ but that doesn’t mean we’re all ok with it…

23
Article Image
Football

Newcastle: Remy’s Crucial, Pardew’s Fake & Taylor Needs To Leave

Our problems have stayed off the field and we’ve got a squad full of quality, dump some dead weight, pray Pardew stays sane and we might just be okay…

Article Image
Football

Newcastle: Our Rocket Up The A*** Has Worked But Pardew Faces Tactical Dilemma

Match-winner Cabaye’s suspension leaves Pardew with some tinkering to do but a result against out-of-sorts Saints leaves us in Europa spots – fine by me….

1
Article Image
Football

Newcastle United: Pardew Clueless But There’s A Fantastic Team In There Somewhere

Despite a second half fight back, Newcastle United were generally awful against Everton; baffling managerial decisions, unfit central midfielders and gaffes galore. But if they can get their act together, a brighter future awaits…

Article Image
Football

Newcastle: Bereft Going Forward, Devoid Of Organisation, But Stick With 4-3-3

Cisse played like a man without arms and legs but, despite the nature fo defeat, Pardew has to stick with the system and work hard in training…

Article Image
Football

The 10 Best Newcastle United Goal Celebrations Ever

We’ve had some rocky patches over the years but there are a few goals and a few resulting celebrations which will live with me forever…

Article Image
Football

Newcastle United: We May Lose Cabaye, But We’ve Already Lost Much More Than That

Arsenal may end up signing my favourite player, Yohan Cabaye, but I just don’t care as much anymore. Thanks a lot, Mike Ashley.

6
Article Image
Life

5 Words We Don’t Have in the English Language and Why

Ever struggled to describe the first pangs of love or that post-argument moment where you think of everything you should’ve said? Here’s why…

21
Article Image
Life

Four Women I Should Be Ashamed To Fancy (But I’m Not)

I just can’t keep this all to myself anymore. Between an animated character and 61 year old ex-model, I’ve been harbouring some less than honourable thoughts about some very, very strange women. But I’m not the only one, right?

17
Article Image
Football

Newcastle United: A Pit Of Shame, Disappointment & Blind Loyalty

Somehow Cabaye is still here, Kinnear hasn’t actually killed anyone or set fire to his own head and we’ve actually improved…

1
Article Image
Film

The Best ‘Bad Films’ Ever

Have you ever seen a film that was just so bad, it just made criticism completely redundant? Ever sat in the cinema and witnessed something so glaringly awful, it was secretly enjoyable? Look no further chums, for here are five are the worst, and by extension the best, films ever to grace the silver screen.

31
Article Image
Football

Manchester United vs Liverpool: Who Does Howard Webb Really Support?

He’s known by many as Fergie’s star signing for Manchester United, but who do Howard Webb and his mates really support?

28
Article Image
Football

Newcastle United Half-Term Report: Only Fresh Faces & Consistent Selection Will Turn It Around

A sporadic start to a season full of expectation following an unbelievable last term can be turned around with a few fresh faces and some luck with injuries…

Article Image
Football

Newcastle & Wonga.com: An Idiot’s Guide To Morality In Football

The world erupted in rancour at the news that Mike Ashley has signed a deal with the glorified loan sharks. But come on, is it really any different to the collection of charlatans and shite hawks who sponsor our clubs?

9
Article Image
Books

Happy Roald Dahl Day – You Made My Childhood Worthwhile

From Fantastic Mr Fox to James and the Giant Peach everything Roald Dahl wrote was 24 carat gold. Raise a glass to him today…

7
Article Image
Football

Newcastle United Fans’ Season Preview: Alan Pardew Has Had Your Lass

They had an unmitigated stormer last term, and thus far have managed to keep hold of their best players. With their silver fox still at the helm, is the sky truly the limit for the Magpies?

Article Image
Funny

I Survived The Newcastle Zombie Flood Apocalypse

And as bad as it was, all I got was a mild hangover as Newcastle was lashed by weather so Biblical I expected Jesus H to turn up with a loaf…

3
Article Image
Football

Newcastle United End Of Term Report: I Cried When Gutierrez Turned Into Spiderman

A superhero Argentine, clean sheets, silly goals and shoving overpaid pundits opinions right back down their throats.

3
Article Image
Music

Chased By Wolves: The Best Band You’ve Never Heard Of

It sounds like The Bookhouse Boys, Ryan Adams and Tindersticks, on horseback, trying to rob a train that’s plummeting down the side of a cliff into Nick Cave’s own private ravine: introducing Chased By Wolves …

2
Article Image
Football

Six Reasons Why Newcastle United Haven’t Won In Six Games

Despite a brilliant start to the season Newcastle have come crashing back down to earth of late, there must be a reason… well, actually there’s six.

3
Article Image
Football

A Rousing Defence Of Chelsea’s AVB

Chelsea’s young manager cannot be blamed for inheriting an aging squad, Manchester City’s superb start, or his £50M striker missing sitter after sitter so why are the fingers being pointed his way?

3
Article Image
Football

The Greatest Goal I Ever Saw: Newcastle’s Phillipe Albert vs Manchester Utd

“On a day when Newcastle would have taken one-nil against Manchester United, here they are looking for number five, with Phillipe Albert… aaaawwwwhhh! Absolutely glorious!”

3
Article Image
Football

This Man Can Be Newcastle’s Very Own Geordie Xavi

The natives were restless after Geordie boy Andy Carroll wasn’t replaced, but new Frog on the Tyne Yohan Cabaye has put the va-va-voom back into Newcastle.

15
Article Image
Film

Grit, Glamour & Ryan Gosling: Drive Reviewed

Ryan Gosling continues his dominance of this autumn’s box office with a gritty tale of a Hollywood stuntman turned get-away driver… and if that doesn’t have you convinced, the director swore at Bill Turnbull on the BBC.

1
Article Image
Film

Kill List Reviewed

There is a school of thought that you should know very little about this film before you go to see it, if only so you can sleep at night. So with that in mind you should probably go and see it now…

4
Article Image
Film

Salt Of Life Reviewed: Rekindling The Art Of Horizontal Jogging When It’s All Gone South

Gianni has a problem, he can’t get laid. All his pals appear to be wining, dining and smacking the arses of bonnie young Latin lassies, but he’s unemployed, flabby, and growing weary of a life which only peaks of excitement when he’s trying to conceal masturbation from his ex-wife…

Article Image
Film

Holy Rollers Reviewed: Could This Be The First Ever Jewish Drugs Flick?

Two friends, one gangster, one million pills runs the sell for this Jewish drug flick. But they’ve missed a massive chance to do for Es what Pulp Fiction did for Heroin.

Article Image
Music

Goodbye Adam And Joe: Here Are Your Best Bits

This weekend Adam and Joe are doing their last three podcasts from Glastonbury. So through tear-stained eyes, we present their greatest moments in broadcasting history…

6
Article Image
Football

André Villas Boas Is Worth £15m And Will Get Chelsea Swinging Again

So it looks like Andre Villas-Boas is heading to Chelsea for £15m, here’s why he’s worth every penny and will deliver success if he is allowed time to replicate his formula at Stamford Bridge…

12
Article Image
Football

The ST End Of Season Football Awards: Smash Gate, Super Injunctions And Savage

From Sian Massey to Sepp Blatter via some razor-blades, Rio’s hatred of the apostrophe and the over-hyped Gareth Bale…

2
Article Image
Film

Bridesmaids Reviewed: Finally, A Chick-Flick We Blokes Need Not Loathe

Believe it or not, thanks to Saturday Night Live’s Kristen Wiig, the human race now has a film for girls, by girls and about girls that’s equally brilliant for both sexes. Bridesmaids, we salute you.

2
Article Image
Football

Manchester United v Barcelona Tactical Preview: Utd Can Win By Nullifying Alves, Forgetting Messi And Praying

It will be difficult, but if Manchester United have any chance of beating Barcelona they need to nullify Alves, forget Messi and attack the left-back…

Article Image
Football

Newcastle United’s End of Term Report: Barton’s A God And Carroll’s A Dog

It’s supposed to be grim up North, but after a season of great results that ended in relative safety, Newcastle United fans could be forgiven for enjoying themselves this year. It wasn’t all plain sailing though, and there are storm clouds on the horizon.

3
Article Image
Football

Survival Sunday: Wigan, Wolves and Blackburn Survive, But It’s Curtains For Blackpool & Birmingham – As It Happened

With just 90 minutes of the Premier League season remaining, two from Blackpool, Birmingham City, Wigan Athletic, Wolves and Blackburn had to join West Ham United in the Championship. Join us for live coverage of who’s staying up, and who’s on their way down.

1
Article Image
Football

The FA Cup Final – Stoke City vs Manchester City – As It Happened

The long wait is over, Manchester City take on Stoke City in the 2011 FA Cup Final. Join us and stay up to date with what’s happening on the pitch and coming out of Adrien Chiles’ mouth.

2
Article Image
Football

This Summer’s Best Premier League Free Transfers

Everybody loves a bargain, right? Well if you’re a Premier League chairman looking to expand your playing squad for next season, then look no further than these soon-to-be unemployed superstars direct from the likes of Manchester United, Arsenal and Tottenham.

3
Article Image
Football

This Summer’s Best European Football Free Transfers

Everybody loves a bargain, right? Well if you’re a Premier League chairman looking to expand your playing squad for next season, then look no further than these soon-to-be unemployed superstars direct from the likes of Real Madrid, AC Milan and Bayern Munich

4
Article Image
Hardware

The Sony Next Generation Portable – Great Console, Crap Name

With the launch on the Nintendo 3DS taking the hand-held console world by storm, many people are scratching their heads wondering where Sony are these days. Well, they’ve got something big planned, we just have to wait for it.

1
Article Image
Hardware

The Pagani Huayra: The Thinking Man’s Bugatti

Got a spare £900,000 down the back of the sofa? This is probably where you’re going to want to spend it then…

Article Image
Football

FA Cup Reaction: City And United Romance Each Other As Stoke Brutalise Bolton

With the FA Cup finish line coming into view, Wembley offered up the twin delights of Manchester’s footballing yin and yang trying to gently prod each other into submission while Stoke tore into Bolton like a pack of hungry dogs.

1
Article Image
Football

Make Tottenham Boss The England Manager and Sky Conspiracy Will Be Complete

Sky’s relationship with Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp and son Jamie means that making the former England manager will suit Murdoch’s machine to a tee.

3
Article Image
Music

Mashing It Up With Jaydiohead

Following his bedroom mash-up of Jay-Z and Radiohead going viral, the king of the cut-ups is set to launch an album. Here he talks copyright, creative urges and guilty pleasures…

2
Article Image
Football

5 Things We Can Expect To See During Wales vs England

John Terry giving it the big ‘I Am’, Andy Carroll’ doing helicopter impressions and Fabio Capello eating jam sandwiches in the press box, just a few of the things you can expect from Wales vs England this afternoon.

3
Article Image
Football

Celtic 1-2 Rangers: End to End Like A Bout of Gastroenteritis

Any game between Glasgow’s two biggest was always going to be a lively affair. But somewhere in the midst of retracted penalties and a David Moyes killing spree, a football game actually emerged… and a pretty good one at that.

3
Article Image
Football

Match Report: Stoke 2 – 1 West Ham

A pulsating FA Cup match between Stoke and West Ham that had the lot. Dives, handballs, John Hartson dressed as gay bishop and the wonderful Scott Parker…

6
Article Image
Football

Match Report: Liverpool 3 – 1 Manchester United

Liverpool hammered Man United yesterday. Join us as Dirk Kuyt plays in the John Leslie role and Glenn Hoddle scares off Ken Barlow…

10
Article Image
Football

Five Of The Worst Premier League Careers

It’s never easy being the new boy at a football club, but here are five such individuals whose examples should never be followed.

8
Article Image
Football

5 Strikers Newcastle Should Sign Who Aren’t Andy Carroll

Now that Newcastle United’s pursuit of Modibo Maiga has apparently collapsed, where can Alan Pardew look to fill the vacant number 9 shirt? Here are 4 more centre-forward prospects that have aroused his attentions.

2
Article Image
Football

Why Cheryl Cole Should Get The Newcastle Job

Forget Martin Jol, he’d be a far too sensible option to manage the three ring circus that is Newcastle Football Club. Maradona, Tony Blair and Ant and Dec are far more realistic options…

Article Image
Football

Five Questions England vs France Raised

Does Andy Carroll really think his hair looks good? Is there anything worth watching on the other side? What are we having for tea? Just a few of the posers that crossed our mind as we watched England last night. Here’s some more…

8
Article Image
Hardware

New Video Game Lets You Live The Andy Carroll Dream

Now you too can live the live of a professional footballer both on and off the pitch thanks to the new first person video game I AM PLAYR.

3
1