Italian Vogue calls it the 'coolest place in London', I call it an obnoxious, misogynistic, racist dump. Now there's talk of a reality show called Only Way is Dalston - and I shudder to think what twats they'll get to populate that.
Our economy is screwed, our jobs are pointless and our food is crap; you can't move in Britain without hearing what's wrong with the place. But maybe in our refusal to embrace the unions, we've only got ourselves to blame.
It's been announced that Scarlett Johansson has got herself engaged (again), but I can't help thinking that there has been some kind of horrible mistake and she really should be my girlfriend.
Like Uncle Junior in The Sopranos, Rupert Murdoch has tried to pass himself of a harmless old fool. He may be old but there's certainly nothing harmless about the News Corp magnate.
The Tories are screwing up the country, education and economy so badly that even people who despaired of Gordon Brown's government are now joining the Labour Party.
Here's a spot of relationship advice for all you ladies: all men are pathetic and everything we say is just a sad attempt to sleep with you. There we've said it.
Drinking too much? Public humiliation an oh-so familiar friend? If you, like me need to knock boozing on the head, here's a few unconventional tips to staying on the wagon.
While Torres is on top of the world, Bebe does an Ali Daia, Hargreaves checks back into sick bay and Andy Carroll doesn't know whether he's England's new saviour or going to jail.
Match of the Day has become insufferable, so rather than sit through two hours of Gary and the two Alans (two Alans!), here's an update of the weekend's Premier League football.
Rooney can skulk over to Eastlands for half a mill a week for all I care, we'd be better off without another celebrity ego clogging up the dressing room.