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Carl Anka

Sabotaging since 8 Aug 2012

"Flashes of brilliance lost in a haze of apathy" read his school report when he was 17 and it's a description that Carl is trying not particularly hard to shrug off. He describes his work to literature as what aimlessly punching statues in the nuts is to karate, which is to say that it makes him slightly more qualified than your average, mentally disadvantaged homeless man. A writer on all things nerd culture and men's lifestyle. Follow him, @Bubblegum616. He grows on you, sort of like a fungus....

My Articles

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Video Games

Unlike The Film, The New Star Trek Game Boldly Goes Nowhere New

A few months ago Sabotage Times released an article with first impressions on Star Trek, the 2013 game. In it, we posed the question; Is this going to be the first non shit movie game? The answer ladies and gentlemen is a resounding NO.

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Video Games

Double Dragon Neon: Can The Updated Arcade Classic Still Cut It?

Before Streets Of Rage and Golden Axe there was Double Dragon; the side scrolling fighting game of choice in the 80s. Now it’s back on console with shiny new HD graphics. But does it’s gameplay still cut it?

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Sport

Table Tennis: 10 Tips For Success From British Number One Paul Drinkhall

Table Tennis is a sport where consistency and getting the basics nailed down is king. Luckily, Paul Drinkhall is here to talk you through it…

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Video Games

FIFA 14: Everything You Need To Know

Just when you thought you’d got out, EA Sports Canada announce FIFA 14 and pull you back in.

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Social Networking

How Hikaru of The USS Enterprise Became The Most Influential Man On The Internet

After Star Trek and the jungle, George Takei has now conquered the internet.

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Sex

No Sex In The City: Getting Laid Like A Panda At A Kigu Party

In an effort to break my dry spell I went to a onesie party Dalston dressed as a panda – an animal so poor at having sex they’re now at serious risk of dying out…

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Video Games

Injustice Gods Among Us: Superman And Co Duke It Out Mortal Kombat Style

Ed Boon and Neatherealm Studios (of Mortal Kombat fame) have created the fighting game to put an end to the “Who would win in a fight between Superman and Batman?” conversations. FIGHT!

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Hardware

Uncanny X-Force: The Breaking Bad Of X-Men Comics

Set in the Marvel X-Men universe, Uncanny X-Force sees Wolverine get together a black ops assassination team tasked with eliminating threats to mutant kind. This is the comic you should be reading right now…

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Life

The Tyranny Of Modern Mash-Up Words

Manscaping? Glamping? Why don’t you just come out and admit that you’re a berkshire hunt….

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People

How George Takei Became The Most Influential Man On The Internet

It wasn’t enough for him to conquer science fiction, Takei is dominating the internet.

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Sex

How Tantric Life Coaching Put The Spring Back Into My Step

So repellent to women that I put watches out of sync, I took a tantric life coaching class. But can two hours of heavy breathing and feathers turn a man from playstation to ultimate player?

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TV

Black Mirror Series 2: How Do You Top Shagging A Pig?

Everyone’s favorite curmudgeonly television critic Charlie Brooker is back with three more tales in his twisted technology drama series Black Mirror…

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Books

The Strange Talent Of Luther Strode: If Tarantino Wrote Spider-Man

If you’re a fan of old school slasher movies, superheroics, or just a comic that is flat out fun, then The Strange Talent of Luther Strode is the book for you.

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Film

Metal Gear Solid Movie: Can It Break The Duff Video Game Adaptation Streak?

With a Metal Gear Solid film being leaked/announced last year and a possible green light on a 2013 production, here are my recommendations to help it become the faithful adaptation gamers have been waiting for…

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Film

The Top Seven Comedy Films To Come Out In 2013

2013 looks to be a good year for cinema. Here’s the best films that’ll have your sides splitting for the next 12 months

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Hardware

Take Me Out & The Walking Dead Boardgames: Live Meat Or Rotten Corpses?

Take Me Out & The Walking Dead are two of the most entertaining shows on television – each for very different reasons. But do their boardgame adaptations match the fun factor?

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Football

The Leeds Fan Blacking Up Is Offensive – My Skin Colour Isn’t A Costume

On New Years Day a 10 year old Leeds United fan found himself the centre of football’s latest race row. Here’s why it stuck in my craw…

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Hardware

DMC Devil May Cry: The Game To Spend Your Xmas Cash On

Gamers worried that the new Devil May Cry game will be emo guff relax. Here’s why DMC should be the action game to spend your January sales vouchers on.

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TV

Peep Show: Who’s The Biggest Loser, Jez or Mark?

Peep Show returns to our screens this Sunday and in honour of Channel 4′s funniest sitcom I’ve complied a duel off between our heroes Mark & Jez to find out who’s worse off.

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Football

My First Pair Of Football Boots

Ten years ago my Dad bought me my first pair of football boots – Adidas Precision Predator IIs and I absolutely adored them.

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Hardware

Grand Theft Auto V Trailer: Parachutes and Dog Fights

The GTA V trailer just arrived and it looks to be a crime fest of new proportions. Check out the teeth on those dogs!

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Film

Disney v Star Wars: 7 Ways To Avoid Killing The Franchise Forever

It’s the biggest annoucement in the world of Science Fiction in easily a decade. Here’s what I think Disney has to do to make Episodes VII-IX the best Star Wars trilogy of all.

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Football

Football Manager 2013: Just When I Thought I Was Out They’ve Dragged Me Back In

The world’s most addictive game returns and this time it’s hell bent on adding more marriages to it’s “35 divorces” total. Life ruiningly good and boasting new modes, clear your schedule, this one’s a biggie…

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Film

Stars Wars Episode VII: Hey Internet, Chill Out For A Moment

Last night, Walt Disney Company agreed to acquire Lucasfilm and is planning Star Wars Episode VII for 2015. Needless to say, a storm of nerd rage to rival Sandy hit the internet. But here’s why I think we should all just chill out; Episode 7 could be a good thing.

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Hardware

Eurogamer Expo 2012: Halo 4 & Black Ops 2 Will Blow Your Mind

Sexy Lycra clad girls with geeks, Dishonored’s deepness and why Assassin’s Creed is killing itself. Here are some of the conclusions I made from one of the UK’s biggest games shows…

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Hardware

NHL 13 Reviewed: With The League In Lockout, It’s A Good Job EA Are Picking Up The Slack

EA’s monopoly over the sports video games market has seen them produce a long line of ace ice hockey games, and NHL13 is no different…

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Food and Drink

A Barman’s Guide To Getting Served First

You’re a a sweaty man into stamp collecting. Follow my tips and I’ll serve you before the buxom blonde who was there ages before you and is forcing her phone number on me…

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Hardware

Tekken Tag Tournament 2: The Most Fun 3D Beat ‘Em Up Out There

A generation of gamers were raised on the fight stylings of Tekken on the original Playstation. Only as the franchise grew it began to get flabby and lose the fun aspect. Is Tekken Tag 2 a return to form?

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Music

“Halo 4 Was A Dream Gig” Interviewing Soundtrack Maestro Neil Davidge

Halo 4 is set to be one of the biggest games of 2012 and I got to talk to the man behind the soundtrack former Massive Attack producer Neil Davidge about the challenges of composing music for interactive medium over film and traditional albums.

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Hardware

FIFA 13 Playthrough: The Best Football Game Money Can Buy

We were lucky enough to play FIFA 13 a month before release. Which teams are good? What exactly is its new “first touch control system”? Read on for our in depth videogame preview.

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Hardware

Halo 4 & 10 Other Great Original Videogame Soundtracks

With Halo 4′s impending release, we look at other game series with soundtracks that have captivated us over the years.

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Hardware

Remembering My First Online Kill

First kiss, first alcoholic drink and losing your virginity are all milestone events for teenagers, but for a hardcore gamer they don’t come close to that first online kill…

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