Sabotage Times, We can't Concentrate so Why Should You?

Why go to the South of France, the Balearics or Capri when this lot are on your doorsteps?

Featuring Phoebe with her claws out, Biscuits masquerading as a leopard and Lucy changing her spots…

From Maggie Gyllenhaal to Lady Gaga and Sasha Grey to Laura from school. It’s easy to hate beautiful, intimidating women – but it’s much more fun to want them.

So, you think you know what women like? You’re wrong, you idiot…

Teenage kicks, mysterious boxes and acronyms…It’s all going on in Chelsea

You can get laid with minimal emotional fallout, just as long as you follow these rules…

It’s all break ups, barn dances and Barbours for the Chelsea set this week.

Spencer and Lucy have a c*nt off, Proudlock’s a snake, Binky gets a sympathy photoshoot and Louise and Andy defy the gorilla.

Grabbing arses doesn’t work, buying us a drink doesn’t mean you’ve purchased us and shouting ‘I WOULD’ is not the best chat up line… follow this guide to attracting women without being a tool…

Biscuits’ tattoo brings laughter, Spencer puts the moves on Lucy even faster and Mark Francis fears a floral disaster

This week sees the poshos finally being upfront with each other. Thing is, that mean Spencer owning up to shagging some other bird in his girlfriends bed at the house party he threw in her house, whilst she was away…

Remember that time at university when you were drunk and desperate and pulled a woman-beating squirrel exterminator called Dave? No? I do…

This week in the land of the snobbish and rich we’ve got a very over the top fashion week that ends in gay porn, kvetching and looks that could kill a bear from a hundreds miles away. At least Louise didn’t cry though!

Visiting the capital and want to see some famous faces as well as famous places? Avoid the big West End bars and try these out instead…

This week Spencer poses again as a human punching bag, Francis doesn’t want any bad blood with the gorilla and Lucy proves she may be London’s most evil she-devil…

From Dexter in One Day to Steven Stelfox in Kill Your Friends, I’d let these fellas leap off the page and ravage me…

So the series of posh snobs and out-of-work millionaire 20-somethings is back. This week we see an angry Spencer and a Francis that can “handle” him any day…

After four glorious series, the one thing we can’t ever call Made in Chelsea is predictable. This season Daisy predicts a lot more sex and posh toff stupidity…

So just as they were back it’s over, but Girls Aloud leave a musical legacy to be proud of and we should remember them as girls who were loud, proud and totally shameless…

For the love of yoga, please leave the alcopops, talking about your emotions and special dietary requirements to the ladies.

Not everyone can have such naturally gorgeous and fragrant lady parts, so why not try any of these helpful products for a sure fire way to a world of self betterment and male attention…

AWOT disproves the theory that women don’t like each other and, you’ll be glad to know, it isn’t all about cake. We ladies need the space to say whatever we like and at the moment, AWOT UK is giving us that space…

Certain tunes have the power to reduce me to a big weepy mess. Here’s 5 guaranteed to have me sniffling…

What with descriptions like “a thundertube of dickmeat” it might well be, but beyond the endless sex, House of Holes is a damn fine book about desire and exploration…

If you don’t have the time of space to create your own green paradise, a good book can always transport you there with minimal effort on your part…

Got a big apple for teacher? Get your geek on – glamorously

He was a nice boy who loved food, yet being intimate with him was like sleeping with a horse. Eventually I fell in love with Mussels out of sheer spite…

Sam is a late twenties Londoner who seemingly has it all. But a bad break up makes me reflect his life in Pont’s great Generation Y coming of age debut novel.

The world’s first State approved sex coach helps women rediscover their mojo in the bedroom, and has a list of high-profile testimonies that he actually knows what he’s doing…

Inside Onan’s book bag… Filth on film may be the first porn port of call for many but the printed word can be more powerful than a thousand dirty images, particularly when you know which books to turn to…

It is time! Stop writing out gift vouchers for Crowns R Us, put your penguins and flamingoes out for the night, pile your plate with swan in cashmere blankets and get ready for the Made In Chelsea Christmas catch up!

Abba are often considered to be the guiltiest of guilty pleasures. But what’s wrong with enjoying some the Swede’s majestic classic pop?

This week our favourite poshos sang creepy songs in Spanish, spoke about not telling people about one night stands (on camera) and tried to deal with Spencer’s leather jacket addiction…

It’s Made in Chelsea times again, and this week the poshos are getting sexy in Amsterdam, breaking up restaurants and buying new houses in London like it’s nothing…

It’s Made In Chelsea time! And this week, the gang are mostly horsing around, arguing about women and slyly slagging off The Only Way Is Essex…

This episode features a sniffing montage, a quiff with a message, an emotional leper and a “fahcking slat!”

This week the poshos battle with a she-wolf, Proudlock double crosses Francis and Lucy asks why people are in ones grill?

With more under bites, aristocratic groans and theft of urban phrases turned into posho catchphrases, it’s this week the MIC review!

With more under bites, leopard print glasses frames and yah, yah, yahs than you can shake a bottle of Moet at. It’s here again, this weeks Made in Chelsea analysis!

Rylan’s still here, Kye’s thrown out on his ear and Gary Barlow sheds a tear. Join us as we celebrate the weekly occurrence of X-Factor results show madness…

This week the snooty Mark Franics loses his rag whilst the rest of the cast get to grips with a Caggie clone called Sophia…

This is the week that we all tuned in for some hotly anticipated Binkie Biscuits boning but the best we got was a snog and some golf course flirting…

It’s all kicking off in the news series of Made in Chelsea. Spencer beats his chest, Ollie sheds his locks and newcomer Andy can’t stop twitching his eyebrows…

Jack Whitehall and the gang returned for a second season, and the dysfunctional house is still as hilarious as ever…

The dance fest of z-listers, sexual innuendoes and judges arguments is back. Here’s what we thought to the first episode of this sequinned extravaganza…

Daisy Buchanan hangs out with* (Twitter stalks) her celebrity pals** (people who were once on Big Brother or something.)

After ten weeks of bumming for Jesus it’s time for the Made In Chelsea Finale! The perfect excuse for a PARDY and even more Sloaney saliva swapping…

This week in Made In Chelsea, Cheska’s get a face-full from Kimberley while Francis, Proudlock and Jamie Biscuits decide to become culture vultures. Let’s see how this turns out…

The week in which Spencer and Louise go to a farmer’s market to show how much they like each other, Kimberly’s revealed to not be very nice, and Binky gets a look under Jamie Biscuits’ kilt

Even if you’re in a motorway chain pub and eating a microwaved pork pie with your drink, a good landlord can make you feel as if you’re hanging out in a village that has won prizes for its flower displays. Here’s our favourite landlords…

Featuring a violent hot stone massage, some grumpy champagne drinking and a very gloomy Jimmy Biscuits…

This week the gang descend on Dubai;expect sadness, scandal and Francis marching across the desert astride a white horse…

Tattoos, trauma and trips to Vauxhall – has the gang gone nuts?!

We say love triangle, you say posh trigonometry…

His biscuits bring all the reviewers to the yard…

The new series of Made in Chelsea kicked off last night promising to be the poshest chelsea ever…

She’s married a 51-year-old man and wears stripper heels to the beach. Perfect fodder for the Daily Mail then…

The show might be overly-focused on Don Draper, but if I was wandering around SCDP looking for a fumble, I’d be knocking on Roger’s door…

In TV’s finest Sorority based reality show, the Brit girls receive an education in how not to become a “sorostitute”. *Warning* Best viewed from behind a cushion.

Biscuits reveals he once captained England at rugby, there’s a case of whisky dick and Francis gets a bullet-proof briefcase…

Bryan bashing, bum bothering and lipsticks that look like massive dildos. Who said the show was getting short on controversy?

It’s the penultimate episode of Chelsea. For the last two months, Caggie’s hopes have been my hopes. Spencer’s dreams have been my dreams and Jamie’s pardies have been my pardies. I’m going to miss these guys.

Frankie supposedly broke the “golden rule” – but what is it exactly? Now, published for the first time, here is every single one of the Cowell commandments.

Another Monday night, another trip to Chelsea. What will happen? Will the gang drive to a haunted house in a funky psychedelic van and foil a dodgy criminal type?

A confectionary is bastardised (or is it?), Rosie’s flatter than a pancake and it’s a platonic relationship for Millie and Hugo down on the King’s Road…

It’s housekeeping, heartbreak and scrotums ahoy in this week’s episode and frankly I can’t think of anything I’d rather do on a Monday night.

Last night’s two hour long X Factor extravaganza brought us seductive snarls, dismal styling and a whole load of LOLz – what more could you want from a Saturday night…

This morning, the tabloids gleefully reported on a Swiss man who had seduced his dog with chocolate drops. Now I know Bestiality is wrong, but I can’t help but feel a little jealous of the dog…

If you’re finding the politeness of Match.com and Guardian Soulmates a little twee, why not head on over to the cock shots and panty sniffing of Craigslist personals?

A riposte to our ‘Northerner’s Guide To Living in London’, here’s why it’s not all doom and gloom living in one of the world’s greatest cities.