Julian Boffin

After paying £2,500 for a coffee machine that might kill people, I'm compelled to build a snogging booth for teenagers and recharge my batteries by pretending I'm a Gladiator stuffing Demi Moore...

I failed miserably in my quest to get my old mucker Dermot O'Leary to open the caff and, despite my hints, the missus gives me a pudding as a present instead of some scraggy lesbians. And as for that fucking bread man...

When my missus and I decided to open a cafe in Leeds little did we realise the cast of characters who would enter our world. Introducing vinegar tits, Wakefield's premier electrician and 'The Chemist'...