Sabotage Times, We can't Concentrate so Why Should You?

Kingston Hall channels colonial Jamaica in the early 1960s with all the hallmarks to suggest it will soon be a very popular place, in one of the best areas to have a night out in New York City.

I’ve put a lot of time and weight gain into this list. Yet the unconfirmed minutes/days/years it has taken off my life are probably worth it…

Don’t stress about losing your locks, being a slaphead will save you money, get you promoted and stop you being beaten up. And that’s just for starters…

His contract expires at the end of the season and while he didn’t fire a shot away all game, the Reading striker has done enough to earn a new contract at the Madejski Stadium.

Reading owner Anton Zingarevich’s classless firing of his team’s manager leaves the club in a dangerous position.

Too much was never going to be enough for the demanding fans and an arrogant owner, but having handed McDermott dodgy tools in the first place, what job did the Reading board expect?

Sacked by Reading, but it’s hardly McDermott’s fault that Reading are in the position they’re in. Basing your team around Adam Federeci and Jay Tabb was unlikely going to end well…

With goals against Manchester United, Arsenal and Chelsea already this season, the suggestion Adam Le Fondre can do the business for England against Poland, Moldova and Montenegro isn’t such a silly one.

Pubs are better than bars and beer is better than lager. In America, pubs are called bars and lager is called beer. The Corner Bistro is the best place to enjoy this confusing mix…

This week our man in the Big Apple gets stuck in conversation with the most miserable, yet well travelled woman on earth. A bit like Johnny Cash as an old granny…

In case you weren’t convinced first time round, here’s more reasons why you should embrace the beauty of baldness.

Off to the Apple for Xmas? Then you’ll need to save on grub so you can spend in the shops. Here is how to do it…

Our lone Englishman is hunting for the world’s best burger. And he’s not going to let a loudmouth lobster fiend nor the hardest waitress in Manhattan stop him from finding it.

While the rest of the world was celebrating an Obama victory, Fox News fell into a farcical debate about whether Mitt still had any chance..

It’s been seven long years since they last played in the apple and based on this performance I can only hope they don’t leave it as long again…

Incumbent Presidents rarely do well in the first live debate, and a lacklustre Obama will now go into the next debate as the underdog, which is exactly how he wants it…

You’d think that you would be allowed to stand for a while, in awe of a demi-god. Nope, ten seconds is all you get.

After getting swindled by the salesman, I nearly died in the back of a New York gym before hitting the emergency stop and being confronted by a naked king of the gym…

I’m in a bar, one of them Tiki cocktail places that are thankfully slowly dying out through lack of popularity. I soon learn why, when I order a beer. They don’t sell beer…

From local witches to national monsters, Britain is full of urban myth and legend. All those bizarre tales we’re never quite sure are true, even if they are repeated 100 times by various different “friend of a friends”. Here are the best…

As I waited in City Hall for a wedding license after being warned off of my fiancee by a cab driver because she was wearing paisley, I spotted a couple about to wed, one of which never parted from her Dr. Dre Beats headphones…

Retro Haircuts, when a short on top and 2 round the back and sides isn’t enough. Here’s some of the best…

What happens when you take a family from the witness protection program, put them in New York City and give them their own reality show? – Delocated, a hilarious American sitcom.

Up and down the land, nearly half a million Great Britons nurture their private patch of ground with hundreds of thousands more on waiting lists desperate for a bit of grass to call their own…

Even the best bands have one turkey in their back catalogue, one bit of filler to nullify so much killer. I love Oasis, but it wasn’t hard for me to think of their lowest ebb.

In childhood they’re the magical alternative to moribund orange squash. In adulthood, fizzy drinks are the assumed hangover cure that never quite works. Here’s our favourites…

On a stormy New York street after a day of watching your wife shopping, it’s dog eat dog when it comes to picking up a ride

Ever wondered what goes through the mind of an internet troll, other than how shit your opinion on everything is? Check out this diary…

You know you shouldn’t care, but you totally do. Tom Greaney talks us through the fictional deaths that really choked him up.

Reading are going up thanks to their benevolent billionaire. Here’s how it happened…

A simple walk home gives our man far too much choice of New York pizza, but it’s the only reason he does the walk

Reading beat Southampton in a top of the table clash, but both teams are still odds on for promotion – here’s seven things we learned from last nights game.

Flashes of brilliance mixed with periods of complacency dogged his careers at Chelsea and Arsenal. Now he’s been announced as player-manager of Shanghai Shenhua, here’s what he can expect from the city.

“Addiction (n): The fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity.” Well I’ve read 8 years worth of comics in a week, does that count?

A simple trip to the shop for lemons, tomato juice and toilet paper gives our man much more than he bargained for…

After triumphing in the Maine caucases, Romney is nailed-on to win the Republican nomination in November. Only one thing can get in the way, and its the reflection he sees in the mirror every morning…

Accidentally swapping partners and dodging celebrities as he dotes on a box of thongs is all in a days work for our man in New York.

The Cain Train came to a shuddering halt yesterday when Herman pulled out of the Republican Presidential race. Here he is at his idiotic worst…

A $17 sandwhich of pork, peppers and olive oil from one of New Yorks rudest sandwhich bars proved to be worth its weight in gold…

Our lone Englishman in the Big Apple attends an awkward religious ceremony and unwillingly talks to an ignorant middle aged British man in a lift…

Birmingham may be unbeaten in six but Kebe and Church will prove too much for them against Reading at the Madejski.

Nearly a year before the 2012 US Election, the race to challenge Barack Obama has recently become clearer than ever before. So which candidates are currently winning and losing?

As the Occupy Wall Street protest continues in New York, I delved into the thick of it and spoke to those involved to try and find out their motives, hopes and intentions…

Our lone Englishman in the Big Apple overhears an awkward Mother-Son exchange about sexuality, and fails to aid a peeping tom…

A few things keep me awake at night; fear of death, the binmen that come at 2 am every ruddy night, and the 1995 Division 1 Play Off Final.

2007 and the Premier League might feel a long time ago to Reading fans, but there’s no denying that during their brief stint in the top flight, they were a match for anyone. Read about what it was like to watch James Harper wrap up a win against Liverpool first-hand.

As Hurricane Irene fast approaches America’s east coast, here’s why our man in New York won’t be battening down the hatches.

Dismay at being mistaken for Karl Pilkington on four continents and discovering the wonder of Sloppy Joes, mixed emotions for our man in New York.

Corruption, free pizzas and questionable beliefs, have any of this lot got what its takes to be the next ruler of the free world?

Kung fu breakdancers, dodging human faeces and stroking tropical spiders: just another day on the New York subway…

Anthony Weiner let’s it all hang out, Republicans hire a fake Obama and the Playboy bunny who won’t be pursuing that career in astro physics after all.

A rap on the door by a vaguely famous TV star sends my girlfriend into overdrive, while a taste of home sends me walking home with a spring in my step…

This week Trump puts and end to his game of political charades, The Terminator has a love child, Pippa Middleton romps with pals and Steve Tyler talks gay sex…

Reading may not have star players like Craig Bellamy but last night they crushed Cardiff City – here’s how they did it.

What a week it’s been for our pals across the pond. Not only have they toppled an evil dictator but they’re about to embrace our Geordie jewel as their own. You win some you lose some…

Our lone Englishman goes to watch Thierry Henry’s New York Red Bulls, remembers what it was like growing up as a Reading FC fan and learns why the Big Apple’s homeless are the best homeless in the world…

This week the US has full-blown Royal Wedding fever, which takes the edge off homophobic basketball stars, sleepy politicians and Kimora Lee Simmons “Baby Phat”

From Donald Trump running for President to Reese Witherspoon’s recent marriage, here is the latest from those A-Z listers from the USA.

A trip down South to the white heat of Miami sees our lone Englishman get dressed head-to-toe in Linen, confused for a member of staff and aurally assaulted by a drug fiend…

You might think that British celebrities are a vapid bunch, but they’ve got nothing on the A-Z listers in the US of A…

I’m settling in to New York life with gusto, but some rude graffiti about uber-celeb Kim Kardashian leaves me flustered, and replacing ‘S’ with ‘Z’ in words is getting on my wick…

Tonight Reading play Everton for a place in the FA Cup quarter-finals. But if you live in China like I did they don’t show The Royals much on Chinese state TV so I’d have to resort to all manner of desperate measures to get my my Royals fix.

Not only has he got to cope with ‘getting to know’ his new classmates, but his girlfriend has got a poster of a long-haired rock singer on the bathroom wall who she ‘met’ in Japan.

It’s official, our Englishman finally gets a proper crack at living the American Dream but still has a lot to learn about his new countrymen’s fondness for guns and avoiding yet more social faux pas.

Office Christmas parties are traditionally booze-soaked cringe fests. Sadly the Sabotage Times writers’ do was no different.

After failing miserably in his attempts to get a visa our Englishman is on his way back to Reading. But not before being made painfully aware of his baldness and mortally offending a mermaid.

Our Englishman’s visa is running out. This time he has to combat supermarkets, racism and the worst child in the world. Will he prevail and get that elusive visa? Of course not.

Our Englishman is off to a seminar hoping to nail down that visa, while also embarrassing himself in front of famous folk and spotting a tramp on wheels who is also getting quite a name for himself.

Still nowhere closer to getting a visa, our Englishman is back with a whole host of problems, namely Satan’s taxi driver, a man getting upstage by a hole in the ground and a one-click dickhead.

Tom has just over a month to understand New York and get a visa. Give a beggar money and he’ll keep begging. Don’t and he’ll go hungry. What to do? One thing’s certain, don’t split your beer with him.

A month ago he was running a school in China, now he’s trying to get a visa to live in New York legally. First thing he does? Try and buy a toilet brush to scrub all the bullshit away.