There's a million fashion blogs, but most of them are full of the same content; nowhere is their standardisation more apparent than in the poses the writers post of themselves...
The above phrase is quoted in the Twitter bios of (approximately) a million fashion bloggers. I’ve seen the words so many times that they’ve practically lost all meaning, but they still cause me to roll my eyes as much as when teenage boys think that liking Fight Club makes them underground or that going on 4chan that one time means that they’re a member of Anonymous.
In itself, the sentiment is admirable – pushing the boundaries and being true to one’s values is the best way to live. EXCEPT that there is a subset of mediocre fashion bloggers out there who post such similar content, right down to the typos, that I actually get them confused in my head (no, I’m not going to name names – I’m not a total bitch). It doesn’t help that a ton of blogs use the same WordPress themes, rip content from the same press releases and review the same ‘Glossybox haul’ (can we abolish this phrase from existence yet?) every month.
A friend recently asked me for advice on starting a blog, and as well as warning them about all of the above stuff I joked about all the acceptable ways for them to take pictures of themselves. They told me I was being pretty funny, and that was all the encouragement I needed to spend a Sunday morning taking stupid photos of myself and writing this post. So, I present to you – the beginner’s guide to posing like a fashion blogger.
Have you ever tried standing like this? It’s really fucking hard. I can barely fathom how girls can stand like this in heels. Seriously. This is my first attempt at the pose.
If it’s that important to get your shoes in the outfit then, for the love of God, just move the camera further back before you break an ankle. Looks best in front of a brick wall or a gatepost.
Can anyone explain to me why girls do this with dresses when they’re taking photos of themselves? It just reminds me of that Subway Diet dude. Looks best in front of a brick wall or a gatepost.
The Best Foot Forward
What I love about this pose is that is the implicit attempt to trick people into believing that you’re walking somewhere. ’What? You want to get a photo of me?’ it seems to scream. ‘Well, ok, but make it quick; I’m on my way to the Christian Lacroix A/W 12 preview. Oh, you mean you weren’t invited? Awkward. Toodles!’ Of course, in reality, you’re dicking around with the self timer on your DSLR and taking fifty photos of yourself before you pick the best one to put online. Looks best in front of a brick wall or a gatepost.
I can never decide what’s happening in photos when people pose like this. Maybe their heads have become too heavy for their necks to hold up? Unlikely, given that their heads are full of fluff. (Oh, snap.) Are they trying to do an impression of that antique teapot they just got from Camden Market? Tea is in this season, after all. Actually, given that granny cardigans and knitting are also in, maybe this pose is an attempt to adopt the posture of a 90 year old woman. Looks best in front of a brick wall or a gatepost.
I had to do this one solo, but it works better with friends (I don’t have any of them). It’s really easy though – just try to look as if you’re having the best fucking time ever. Like someone just gave you a sandcastle made of cocaine. It also works if you pretend you’ve just heard someone say something MEGA funny – ‘Wait, you mean she actually told you she’s a size EIGHT?!’
Life’s tough for the middle classes sometimes – I couldn’t find a Waitrose yesterday and had to go to Tesco. Jai’me Jan just got gifted a better pair of shoes than me. It’s been raining all week so I can’t wear anything suede. Take all this angst and pour it into this pose. But you have to commit to it, or you’ll just look like you’re wondering if you’ve left the oven on.
Ok, I can take my tongue out of my cheek now. I know loads of people who pose like this in all their photos, and I still love them dearly. Please don’t shun me, guys. I’m merely trying to highlight the irony that we sit around laughing at Myspace photos, duck pouts and regrettable frosted tips while we do the same thing all over again. Humans – we’re a funny little species, aren’t we?
This originally appeared in the Not So Lonely Londoners blog