10 Reasons To Admire, Respect and Love Chelsea's Ashley Cole

Paris Saint-Germain are lining up a swoop for the Chelsea left-back, so here are 10 reasons why they should welcome him with open arms...
Avatar:
Author:
Publish date:
Social count:
35
Paris Saint-Germain are lining up a swoop for the Chelsea left-back, so here are 10 reasons why they should welcome him with open arms...

You may not realise it but secretly you admire, respect and love Chelsea's Ashley Cole. Here's why.

1. He's England's greatest left back of the modern era.

Just think about it for a second. Sansom and Pearce were fine players but who would you prefer marking Ronaldo in a World Cup Quarter-Final? Pearce would try and lump him and Sansom would, quite simply, be too fat to catch hold of him. It's worth remembering that before Cole came along Phil Neville was England's regular left-back. Remember Romania?

2. He's seen Cheryl in all her glory

Cheryl might make you want to scream when she opens her mouth to speak, but there is no denying that she's so fit she makes a butchers dog look like a wheezing asthmatic warthog. Ashley Cole is A) a midget and B) not the best looking fella. There is hope, it would seem, for everyone to punch above their weight.

3. He knacked it up with her by sleeping with a rough hairdresser

And he didn't just sleep with her, he puked on her.

4. He winds up Arsenal fans (and will do the same with Madrid supporters)

Let's face it, who doesn't like doing that? The pompous mutes simply cannot get over the fact that he chose  Jose over Wenger. He wanted to win stuff, simple, and Arsenal haven't won anything since he left.

5. He pushed for more money

Ok, so the fact that he 'squealed' and almost wrote his car off when he found that the Arse weren't going to slip him an extra five grand is deplorable. But consider this. You go away with your mates on England duty and have to listen to Terry, Rio and Gerrard telling you that they earn twice as much. Footballers might be overpaid, and fans might say that they'd play for £100 a week, but if someone offered you £100k to do it, you'd take it. Even if it was to play for Chelsea. Everyone wants to earn more money. Fact.

Bloomin' workies. They make rubbish tea, there're always trying to hang around you, tut when you give them a menial job and generally get on your nerves.

6. He's not John Terry

This alone is enough. Chelsea skipper John Terry has tupped his best mate's missus, taken money for guided tours of Stamford Bridge, taunted grieving American tourists in the wake of 9/11, cried like a baby after a penalty miss and generally acted like a grade a wazzack. Cole might be a tool, but he's a million miles away from the vile Terry.

7. He has a sense of humour

Anyone who poses for THAT lottery picture must either have a fine line in self-deprecation or…

8. He's a moron.

Again, not a character trait that you'd consider loveable but for someone as spud thick to become arguably the best left back in the world is commendable. When ITV had the Premiership show a few years ago, they used to have clips of families of players in the opening credits. Ashely Cole's brother featured in his. He could do three kick-ups and was an idiot. Cole has, basically, defied genetics.

9. He'd make your team better

Ok, a bit obvious if you support Hereford but Cole would improve any team in the world and you would love him for it. Yes you would, don't lie, you've loved bigger horrors than Ashley.

10. He shot a workie

Bloomin' workies. They make rubbish tea, there're always trying to hang around you, tut when you give them a menial job and generally get on your nerves.

Paris Saint-Germain: Inside the French Manchester City

Paris Saint-Germain and Football's Oil League

Forget It, Paris Saint-Germain: Here’s Why Pato Will Never Leave Milan

Click here for more Football and Sport stories

Click here to follow Sabotage Times on Twitter

Click here to follow Sabotage Times on Facebook