25. On creating a club identity at Dortmund: "The fans should not only recognise us by our black and yellow jerseys. Even if we play in red, everyone in the stadium should think, ‘Whoa, that can only be BVB’."
24. On Bayern Munich’s philosophy: "At the moment, they are like the Chinese in the business world. They look at what others are doing and copy it, just with more money."
23. On his playing days: "I never succeeded in bringing to the field what was going on in my brain. I had the talent for the fifth division, and the mind for the Bundesliga. The result was a career in the second division."
22. On Mats Hummels being linked with Manchester United: "If that's not a bullsh*t story, I'll eat a broomstick!"
21. On his wife: "She wrote a book for children. It’s like Harry Potter – but it’s about football. There’s no Harry Potter flying on his f*cking stick – just football."
20. On dealing with Dortmund losing their best players: "I got more in life than I was ever supposed to get – family, money, football. None of my teachers, or my parents, ever believed this would happen to me. So how can this perfect life of mine be spoilt because they take our players?"
19. On his early days as manager of Mainz: "We still rely on calling the players and when we make an offer to their agents, they always think that we’re making fun of them."
18. On losing the Champions League final at Wembley: "The only thing I can say is that it was great. London is the town of the Olympic Games. The weather was good, everything is OK. Only the result is sh*t."
17. On Dortmund’s poor form in 2014: "The best news today is that football is over for 2014, any criticism that we receive now is justified. We are standing here like complete idiots and it's completely our own fault."
16. On whether beating Bayern 5-2 in the German cup final could have been any better: "It could have been a bit warmer."
15. On fixture congestion: "It’s as if someone has to play the world chess championship after 72 hours of sleep deprivation."
14. On motivating his team through sarcasm: "I told my players during the break: Since we're here anyway, we might actually play a bit of football."
13. On his singing ability: "I couldn’t have been a rock star, although I do sing Country Road very loudly on the PlayStation karaoke game."
12. On the difference between himself and Arsene Wenger: "He likes having the ball, playing football, passes. It's like an orchestra. But it's a silent song. I like heavy metal."
11. On having a hair transplant: "Yes, it’s true. I underwent a hair transplant. And I think the results are really cool, don’t you?"
10. On the challenges of competing with Bayern Munich: "We have a bow and arrow and if we aim well, we can hit the target. The problem is that Bayern has a bazooka. But then Robin Hood was quite successful."
9. On whether he bans sex before games: "My boys sleep in double rooms the night before the match. I hope that nothing happens…"
8. When asked by a Schalke supporter the secret of winning the league: "How do you explain to a blind person what colour is?"
7. On losing Mario Gotze to Bayern: "He's leaving because he's Guardiola's favourite. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine. I can't make myself shorter and learn Spanish."
6. On winning the Bundesliga in 2011: "When Dortmund last won here 19 years ago, most of my players were still being breast-fed."
5. On signing Henrikh Mkhitaryan: "Mkhitaryan fits us like an arse on a bucket. What he offers is exactly what we need."
4. On Barcelona: "I show my team very often Barcelona but not the way they play. Just the way they celebrate goals. Goal no 5768 in the last few weeks and they go ‘Yeeeess’ like they never scored a goal. This is what I love about football. That’s what you have to feel all the time. Until you die. And then everything is OK."
3. On Hummels being injured: "We will wait for him like a good wife waiting for her husband who is in jail."
2. On dealing with a defeat: "When I gave the first interview, I was very disappointed. After the second one 10 minutes later I was feeling better. In 30 minutes, I’ll probably feel like we won the match."
1. On being sent off: "I'm a bit proud of my first red card as a coach. I approached the fourth official and said: 'How many mistakes are allowed here? If it's 15, you have one more."