5 Things We Will Definitely See At Liverpool v Manchester City

The outcome of a top six battle at Anfield is anyone's guess but there are certain things we can predict from Liverpool v Manchester City. Let's hope it's not Dirk Kuyt's sex face.
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The outcome of a top six battle at Anfield is anyone's guess but there are certain things we can predict from Liverpool v Manchester City. Let's hope it's not Dirk Kuyt's sex face.

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The outcome of a top six battle at Anfield is anyone's guess but there are certain things we can predict from Liverpool v Manchester City. Let's hope it's not Dirk Kuyt's sex face.

Dalglish and Mancini will become lost in translation

Two of the classiest gaffers around will surely exchange pleasantries before the game but with both possessing a limited grasp of the English language their conversation will be stilted at best. Expect to see plenty of nodding and smiling but with neither understanding a word the other is saying.

A translated sample –

Mancini: ‘I hope your family are well?’

Dalglish: ‘Aye, you’re right. It’s warm for November. Will you join me later for a glass of wine?’

Mancini: ‘It’s just gone four’

Bellamy will be conflicted should he score

Liverpool's fiery Welshman will have a point to prove to his former employers, particularly Mancini who clearly saw him as being beyond his control. Should Bellers score – and if he starts he will score because that’s just how football is – his celebration will be a conflicted affair. Belying his reputation for being an agitator Bellamy is a class act in these situations and is still held in high regard by Manchester City fans. He will no doubt restrain himself to a few high-fives and nothing more.

However, if you look closely there will surely be an angel and devil pop up on each shoulder as he whirs away in glee, with the latter flicking Vs and mooning in the direction of the City bench.

Merlin will be back to his spellbinding best, finding pockets of space out wide and evading the attentions of a rejuvenated Lucas.

The battle of the right-backs

Micah Richards’ omission from recent England squads has bordered on the bizarre and can only be put down to a personality clash with the uber-strict martinet Capello. Maybe he was once spotted playing Angry Birds on his phone during a team meal or wearing the wrong type of trainers during a table tennis tournament, all evidently far greater sins than boffing a team-mates fiancée, battering a DJ or regularly using hookers.

Richards has been consistently outstanding for Manchester City since last Christmas and yet finds himself behind lesser talents such as Glen Johnson or United youngsters played out of position. Despite Johnson’s pearler last week he is not deserving of an England place at present and Sunday will prove to be a fascinating duel down each flank as both players look to further their respective causes. Pity Enrique and Clichy because they will be embroiled in a war that does not concern them.

Please let it not be Kuyt

As is often the case against most opposition seeing your team concede is hard enough to bear, but at the hands of certain individuals it becomes intolerable. Kuyt is a likable guy off the pitch and a player who I’ve got a huge amount of time for – his work ethic alone is admirable enough – but not only does he always have a blinder against City but he just has one of those faces in celebration that makes you want to reach down your oesophagus and pull out every internal organ. The man in fairness was not blessed with Hollywood looks to start with but when he wheels away screaming in ecstasy after yet another scuffed effort miraculously finds the back of the net his face contorts and gurns like a speed freak on a 24 hour binge. His sex face must resemble Ian Dowie after a serious car crash.

Silva will mesmerize and the Kop will applaud

The scousers know their football and are some of the most magnanimous around. After a frustrating night in Naples last Tuesday – where all of his impish nonchalance was replaced by unproductive toil – Merlin will be back to his spellbinding best, finding pockets of space out wide and evading the attentions of a rejuvenated Lucas. After ninety minutes of sublime vision and craft appreciative applause will ring out from all four corners of Anfield, particularly from the Kop who know a genius when they see one. They will then look down at an ineffective Jordan Henderson and cry a little inside.

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