A Liverpool Fan's Guide To The Transfer Window: Let's All Laugh At Arsenal

We will be stronger next year with or without Suarez, we've already got next year's player of the year, but we need some extra bite in midfield.
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We will be stronger next year with or without Suarez, we've already got next year's player of the year, but we need some extra bite in midfield.

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A Liverpool Fan's Guide To The Transfer Window: Let's All Laugh At Arsenal

It’s the silly season in football – do you love it or hate it?

Oh, I'm torn. I mean really torn. I love the silly season in theory, I love the endless exits of star players from Arsenal, I love the transfer wrangling of troubled forwards looking for a quick exit from the Manchester area and I love the way 'Arry Redknapp will throw money at anything with a pulse. This year though? No, it's all been a bit too Suarez-centric for my tastes.

This summer, what are you hoping to read every time you check your club news each morning?

I'm looking for the marquee signing to sit alongside Luis Suarez (yes, I am going to get very tedious on the subject of our Uruguayan trouble maker) the declaration of intent to break the top 4, the indication that we may not have European football this season but our name still carries the cachet to attract players who want to be involved in putting us back on 'our f***ing perch'

What do you inevitably end up reading instead? 

Arsenal's laughable bids for our number 7. I know Liverpool want £50m, you know Liverpool want £50m, could somebody tell Mr Wenger please?

Got much cash in the kitty?

Doesn't look that way; we appear to be roughly in credit so far this window, let's guess at the £25m that we were prepared to pay for Mykhtarian (spelling possibly way off, don't care never need to get it on a shirt now do I?) as the sum total that we'll be prepared to spend this summer

Hulking midfielder? Tricky winger? Big b*stard defender? What types of players would you like to sign this summer?

Ideally a bit of bite in midfield, a young Mascherano-esque figure would do. A commanding yet skilful centre back with the grace of a Hansen and the attitude of a Carragher.

What types of player will you end up signing instead?

An U21 Moldovan left back instead of Spanish international forward perhaps? Another attacking midfielder with 'good feet' - probably somebody that stands about 5'5" Brendan seems intent to collect as many as possible.

Who wants to leave the club and what’s your attitude towards them?

Yes, yes, (yawn) Suarez obviously. As a player I don't want to lose him, he adds something special and unpredictable (often in a good way) that you can't readily replace. If he wants to go then I just want to make sure that we get as much as we can for him. And I wish that he would just shut the **** up and get on with it one way or another.

Who’s been the biggest t*sser of this transfer window?

Go on, guess.

Will you be stronger or weaker next season?

Suarez or no Suarez, we're going to be stronger. Our second half of the season was top four standard form. The fact that we now aspire to top 4 as a target rather than a minimum acceptable level is indication of how far we've fallen in the last five years but a better start to the season than last year could well see us mount a convincing challenge. Rodgers' signings to date in this window coupled with the outstanding form of Sturridge and Coutinho since their January arrival, the emerging youth players and the 'evolution' of the squad. A whole sees us with many more options than a year ago. We're stronger already and there will hopefully be one or two more new arrivals in the next few weeks.

Any other news?

Toure is a very intelligent piece of business, a leader with experience of winning who has a point to prove. The Reina affair has been a unfortunate mess partly brought about by Victor Valdes 'they love me, they love me not' attitude to his potential pay day.

What has been the best ever bit of business your club did in the transfer window?

Not really a transfer window as such, it didn't exist at the time, but there was this guy called Dalglish. £440,000. The greatest piece of business ever done by anybody anywhere in any walk of life. In actual windows? As they stand now? Coutinho. We have next year's player of the year, this lad's a little bit special.

And the worst?

My Father's going for Fabio Borini here (absolutely hates him, I told him about the Lazio rumour - possibly the happiest I've ever seen him) but you can't really look further than the £20m loss of Andy Carroll. Prior to the window? Paul bloody Stewart. Terrible, terrible player.

More…

Jordon Ibe: Liverpool’s Next Superstar

Luis Suarez: Why Liverpool Have To Sell & Build A Top 4 Squad With The Cash

Why Arsenal Are Set To Follow Manchester United’s Transfer Policy

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