An Everton Fan's Guide To The Transfer Window: Man Utd Beware, Moyes Lacks Class

I can't blame Fellaini and Baines for wanting to move, but our ex-manager taking advantage of our cash-strapped team is an insult.
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I can't blame Fellaini and Baines for wanting to move, but our ex-manager taking advantage of our cash-strapped team is an insult.

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It’s the silly season in football – do you love it or hate it?

Hate it, specifically the fact that so much football writing is dedicated to pointless tittle-tattle. Transfer rumour journalism is probably unique in the media for having the lowest degree of correlation between word count and useful information. In no other field is so much written about so little. But it needn't be this way. This season’s window can probably be summed up with just a few bullet points.

  • Judging by his obsession of buying attacking players, Brendan Rodgers’ dream formation must surely be  0-0-11)
  • Moyes seems to be as active in the transfer market with Utd as he was with Everton (not good news for Utd fans)
  • Newcastle will soon have bought every player in Ligue 1
  • Arsenal will probably end up buying no-one
  • Spurs are quietly turning into a really great side
  • Apparently football doesn’t exist outside of the top five (and Liverpool).

This summer, what are you hoping to read every time you check your club news each morning?

  • That we haven’t signed another Wigan player
  • That Jelavic has been sold
  • That Rooney has decided to finish his career at the club that launched him on the world
  • That Baines has decided to commit to the club
  • That Fellaini has been sold for a ridiculous amount of money

What do you inevitably end up reading instead?

  • That we have signed another Wigan player
  • That Jelavic is remaining put
  • That we’ve been linked with another Wigan player
  • That our possible transfer of a non-Wigan player has fallen though
  • But that’s ok because we’ve signed another Wigan player

Got much cash in the kitty?

I’m not even sure we’ve even got a kitty, let alone any cash. Martinez has recently professed his desire to put more faith in Academy graduates, which seems to be a tacit acceptance that Kenwright’s pockets have nothing left in them except fluff, sweet wrappers and a signed photo of Michael Ball.

Hulking midfielder? Tricky winger? Big b*****d defender? What types of players would you like to sign this summer?

All of the above would be nice. In all likelihood, we’re probably more likely to get a hulking winger than a tricky one.

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What types of player will you end up signing instead? An U21 Moldovan left back instead of Spanish international forward perhaps?

We’ve wisely invested some of our limited amounts of cash in some players who took Wigan down last season. Hopefully there should be some more on their way over the coming weeks.

Who wants to leave the club and what’s your attitude towards them?

The only two players who have shown any inkling of wanting to move to pastures new are Fellaini and Baines. Considering how good these two are, you can’t really blame them for wanting to play at a higher level.

Who’s been the biggest t****r of this transfer window?

David Moyes. Of all the players he could have chosen to go after, why did it have to be Leighton Baines, the one player at Goodison who is truly world class. If he really did love and respect Everton as much as he claimed he did, then surely Moyes should have left well alone? And to make matters worse, he came in with an insultingly low offer, presumably using his inside knowledge off our parlous finances to make a cheeky bid. It all seems a pretty shabby way to treat the fans that have shown him so much respect and loyalty over the past eleven years.

Will you be stronger or weaker next season?

There are two possibilities next season

1)    Martinez is able to add a little bit of Spanish magic onto Everton’s traditionally robust approach to games, and therefore give us that all-important fizz that has often been absent at Goodison. This could be enough to lift us into the higher echelons of the league.

2)    Martinez undermines Everton’s traditionally robust approach to games by adding too much Spanish Magic and we end up mired in the bottom half of the table, even possibly flirting with the relegation zone.

Any other news?

Our new club crest, which was designed to make the ‘Everton brand’ stronger by dropping our Latin motto (apparently Latin is not ‘in’ anymore) is to be scrapped because the fans hate it (I like it. But then I failed Latin).

What has been the best ever bit of business your club did in the transfer window?

Before the start of the 2004/5 season Moyes brought in Tim Cahill from Millwall for a fee of £1.5 million. By modern standards, that was a ridiculously low price for such a great player.

And the worst?

In June 2005, Moyes bought Per Krøldrup from Udinese for £5million. He made his debut for Everton in a 0–4 defeat to Aston Villa, which was to be his only league game for the club. Failure to adapt to the pace of the Premiership combined with the fact that he was s*** meant that he was shipped out pretty quickly for a fraction of the price we had paid for him. Take note Utd fans!