Arsenal 'Interested In Southampton's Lambert: Nope. Nuh-uh. No Way, Jose
When quizzed, say talkSPORT, about the possibility of signing Southampton bully-boy Rickie Lambet, Arsene Wenger politely indicated that they weren't interested. They had, he insisted, looked at him once when he was in the Championship - but probably only by accident or while another show was mid-advert break.
While that was very gentlemanly of Arsene Wenger to not hurt the big striker's feelings - if strikers who once played for Macclesfield Town are still capable of human emotion - you can't help but feel Wenger must've felt like he was being set up. Part of some elaborate joke, perhaps.
I'd hazard a guess that it might've been a certain Portuguese manager at a team in south-west London.
Keen to knife-twist, Chelsea look to pillage the transfer targets of rivals like a spoilt kid at school who has a big bag of sweets but wants to steal yours because ner-ner-ner they're bigger than you, and you can almost imagine Mourinho sitting at home with a warm brandy and lemon, dialling the newsdesks the world over.
"Who is this and how did you get this number?"
"Arsenal will look to sign Richard Lambert from Southampton this window."
"Wait-- Is that..."
"No it isn't who you think it is. It's definitely not me-- I mean, him."
"Uh-huh... Sorry, Richard who?"
"Rich-- Wait, is his name actually just Rickie?"
"We'll get back to you."