As Mad As It Sounds, I Love Villa's Relegation Battle

It may be tough on the heart, but Villa's battle to secure their place in the Premier League is more exciting than a quick fumble of a girl behind the bike shed.
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It may be tough on the heart, but Villa's battle to secure their place in the Premier League is more exciting than a quick fumble of a girl behind the bike shed.


Call me insane but I am loving Aston Villa’s flirt with relegation.

Well, it has gone beyond a flirt now and is already a zip busting full on fumble behind the bike sheds.

Every game is vital, the atmosphere down the Villa is electric at the moment as six pointer games come and go.

Years of being stuck in mid-table of an incredibly boring league takes its toll, no important games after February let alone March is the equivalent of sleepwalking to B&Q on a bank holiday.

From yawn fest seasons to this relegation fight is like swapping a lovely mrs who all your mates girlfriends’ love and who phones your mom everyday for a right piece of filth that’d you met in a taxi rank at 5am.

She sets the alarm bells off by saying “I’m gonna get my kids out of care one day I swear” and “my ex was called Stretch cos of how long he spent in jail” but when you stumble back to her bedsit she makes you shout louder than any woman ever has.

She, like relegation, is dangerous, and exciting, the QPR had to be the best game I’ve seen down the Villa for years, we actually won a big match at home towards the end of the season and the barmy goal celebrations and outpouring of joy at the final whistle was what being a football fan should be about but so rarely is.

Last season we had a dabble in the relegation dogfight but the club was divided, well everyone hated Alex McLeish and we were stuck with him.

But this time is different, we can see what Lambert is trying to do and we seem a club united in battle. There are no morons writing scrunched up writing on bedsheets or organising protests for thick people in puffer coats before and after the game.

Granted we cannot seem to play two decent halves of football but we look as if we can score every game which is a rare phenomenon down the Villa.


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Our war torn Congo born superstar Benteke, who it appears according to his cousin “has never had a girlfriend as football is his life”, is the most exciting thing down the Villa since they started serving cider in Holte ten years ago.

Benteke, Weimann and Gabby are a joy to watch and throw in the The Zog and we can terrorise mediocre defences.

It will be against our bottom half rivals that we will get the points to stay up not against the Liverpool's and Chelsea's but against Fulham, Norwich and Sunderland.

But thanks to our howler prone defence we will not pull away from the scrap for a while because Vlaar, Clarke, Baker and Bennett seem to fight each other every game to make the biggest balls up.

Vlaar reminds me of Juan Pablo Angel, there is no point having him on the pitch if he is not 100 per cent fit, a 95 per cent fit Vlaar is as about as good as a chlamydia favoured gobstopper.

All in all he has been a disappointment. From him going AWOL in the Autumn to giving the header away in the semi final he has not lived up to his Concrete Ron reputation. However, despite all that we still miss him when he doesn’t play and I’d like to think he is going to repay the club, manager and fans for backing him and put in some captain marvel performances.

Stoke, the big spenders outside the top four, are next in our historic run of relegation cup finals. For the amount of money they are splashing out on wages they are having a terrible season despite the patronising London media saying they are doing well to be in the league at all.

Needless to say Frodo Banan shouldn’t play against the Potters, he is likely to get trod on after five minutes and his Hollywood balls can be fatal away from home, as well as home. We need to fight fire with fire and put Studs Up Delph back in the side, if he can reproduce the form he showed against Man City he could be the difference.

It would be great if we can get a niggly dirty win at Stoke, to show the world the Villa are embracing the sexy filth of relegation.

Up the Villa.