Aston Villa: Back Benteke, Sell Albrighton Who Gives More Balls Away Than A Tranny Clinic

Expect a mid-table finish at best because of our dreadful home form, but continued excellence from Fabian Delph and an F.A. Cup run would be a great boost.
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Expect a mid-table finish at best because of our dreadful home form, but continued excellence from Fabian Delph and an F.A. Cup run would be a great boost.

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Club name: Aston Villa

What’s going right? 

We are not as bad as last year, this time last season we were losing 8-0 to Chelsea and looked doomed. We are a lot more solid this year, we are not setting the world on fire but thanks to other dross teams in the Premier League we should be safe this season. Our away form is great, every away game feels like a potential win. The summer’s signings have been a bit hit and miss, Bacuna will be a star but maybe not in defence, Okre looked a great all action defender before being injured in his second game.

What’s not? 

Our home form is abysmal. It really is a chore to go down every game.  Last season’s saviour Benteke has not looked himself since injuring his hip against Norwich, he had started the season brilliantly. As our only world class player I won’t be booing him soon and still will be betting on him to score first every game. He will come good.

Got the right manager? 

Lambert is not going anywhere, I like a lot of what he does but then he’ll come up with some head-scratching team sheets at times. Sacking him and starting again would not do the club any good. We are stuck in an awful league, only discovering a fracking field under Villa Park could change our prospects of getting in the top four.

Star player?

Fabian Delph. Old Spider-Legs is having the breakthrough season we have been waiting for. His passing, tackling and now even shooting has been brilliant.  He has outplayed most big name midfielders in the country this year and at times seems to be our entire midfield. He should be in the England side, but I don’t mind that he isn’t, all our players either go crap or want out after getting Three Lions on their chest.

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Who would you like to sell in January? 

Marc Albrighton, he is not good enough, having him hanging around the squad and bringing him back for one good game only to be crap thereafter is getting boring. He gives more balls away than a tranny clinic. He has had long enough and several managers to make the grade, time to get rid.

Who do you want to sign? 

Anyone, everyone. We could do with someone like Adam Lallana. More realistically if we could nick Ashley Young back from Man United and get him back to his best that would make a difference going forward.

Best chant so far? 

“We’ve got our werewolf back, we’ve got our werewolf back.” The return of the Villa werewolf has been a joy to behold, we might not be the best team in the world but we’ve got our own werewolf again.

Best opposition player/team you’ve seen?

Southampton looked great during our ding dong and Rooney ran the show when Man United beat us.

Biggest **** of the season so far?

Friend by name, friend to the stars of Chelsea, the ref who didn’t give us a blatant penalty in the last minute.

Funniest Moment of the season so far?

Seeing Joe Hart’s career implode, but thankfully after he gifted us the winning goal against Man City.

End of season prediction?

We will still be stuck in this shit division, probably finish about 12th, hopefully after a decent FA Cup run.