Bakary Sako: 5 Reasons To Stay At Wolves & 5 To Go To Nottingham Forest

They might have a 6:1 ratio, a loftier perch and a French bloke, but that really doesn't compare to the delights of Wolves...
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They might have a 6:1 ratio, a loftier perch and a French bloke, but that really doesn't compare to the delights of Wolves...

Bakary Sako: 5 Reasons To Stay At Wolves & 5 To Go To Nottingham ForestIn favour of staying at Wolves...

YOU’RE BASICALLY JUST GOING TO ANOTHER WOLVES

Sleeping giants from the Midlands with a grand history but who never quite adjusted to the Premier League, owners who don’t especially care about the club that they own and see it as either a cash cow or some kind of misguided hobby, more fans in the stadium every week than we particularly deserve, a confused revolving-door policy when it comes to managerial appointments… Yep, we’re two peas in a pod.

WE’D MISS YOU AND WE WANT YOU TO STAY

This is crucial. Go to Nottingham Forest, you might only get the occasional game as they rotate quite a talented roster of midfielders. Here at Wolves, you’re the king of the hill, the cock of the walk, our top scorer and one of a cluster of players who look like they belong at this level. Stay and enjoy our adulation!

And don’t listen to those people who say you’re lazy.

WE’LL BE AT THE SAME LEVEL NEXT YEAR ANYWAY

Make no mistake about it, Wolves are going up this season, the ship might be wobbling at the moment but it will steady and we’ll reveal that we are just too qualitatively big, in terms of player quality and facilities, for this division. That stuff always matters in the grand scheme. Wolves. Are. Going up. Say Wolves are going up.

THE NEWHAMPTON PUB

Quite simply, the greatest pub in all of Christendom. There’s a snug – a snug! – with a log fire that you can light yourself, a pool room with a quiz machine, a beer garden with a bowling green, and for £11 you can get a fantastic steak and ale pie with chips and a bottle of Rioja. But, best of all, in the men’s toilets they put Viz cartoons on the walls so you can chortle while you relieve yourself and that, my friends, you cannot put a price on. Plus, my friend Maria makes the pies and she’s hot.

BILLY DAVIES

He never smiles and you’d never understand a word he says.

More Wolves...

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Nottingham Forest Fan's Greatest Xl v Wolves Fan's Greatest Xl

In favour of going to No

BEGRUDGINGLY, RIGHT NOW NOTTINGHAM FOREST ARE THE BIGGER TEAM

They’re in a promotion shake-up like we are, have a young and talented, mainly British squad like we do – the difference is, they’re one division less one place above us and have Kuwaiti owners with even more money to throw around than Steve Morgan. Not that he ever throws it around in the right place.

THE LEGENDARY 6:1 FEMALE RATIO

I don’t know if this is myth or not, but the “six women for every man” ratio of Nottingham University is cited as a reason for hot-blooded young men to try to live there. And, since Bakary is a footballer, we can reasonably assume that he’s interested in unabashed philandering.

THERE IS ANOTHER FRENCH PERSON THERE WITH WHOM YOU CAN HANG OUT

His name’s Guy Moussi. I don’t know much about him, but he’s there and, since we’ve sold or loaned out most of our short-lived French contingent bar one – and Ibrahim Keita never makes the first team – then why not tootle off and make a new chum? Friendship is a precious thing.

WOLVERHAMPTON IS NOT THE SEVENTH WORST CITY IN THE WORLD

As somebody pointed out on my last post in the comments section, it was not voted the seventh worst as I stated previously. It was voted the fifth worst, which if anything sounds two places even worse. Still, in the spirit of balance, here’s Wolverhampton city council leader Neville Patton. “Wolverhampton is a friendly, open place – many people want to come and live and work here. We have first class facilities for residents and visitors and this is certainly not a downtrodden or third world city.”

WOLVES FANS ARE GENERALLY IDIOTS

Nah, I’m only kidding, we’re all lovely really.