A packed Wembley, the sun is shining and I'm sat in my lounge wearing pants watching England v Switzerland....
Well, that was rubbish. Terrible first 30 minutes when the swiss dominated midfield, selection of Milner guaranteed that any moves down the left were forced inside due to his lack of pace and Bent was terribly isolated without Rooney around to operate in the gap between midfield and defence. I'm off out for seafood and booze.
18.34 - 60,000 people thought that was a goal from downing
18.32 - Most interesting thing about today? ITV advertising Armchair An*l
18.30 - The tweeters have deserted me
18.27 - It's times like this I'm glad I'm half Welsh
18.25 - Andy Townsed, once of ireland, clearly English, has just got the excuse in. "They're tired out there," he says. Anyone else manage to play once a week?
18.20 - This is when the national inability to keep hold of the ball really comes into play. England would be better off starving Switzerland for five minutes and hitting them, but the national psyche demands a bloodcurdling finish and maximum effort. I may move to Spain.
18.18 - Downing is coming on, is Capello reading this? Walcott has done sod all, waste of 70 minutes.
18.15 - Still 2-2, Capello talking to Young there and looking like the over-matter from a Bo Selecta filming sessions
18.09 - Adam Johnson or Downing surely need to come on now, any other manager would wang on an attacking player, that miss from Bent confirms what a lot of people think. He's a one-footed striker who has to play instinctively, if he thinks he is f**ked
18.08 - Fulltime footie journos don't half get carried away OllieHolt "Magical, magical play from Wilshere to drift past defenders and then thread beautiful pass through to Bent. Glimpse of his vast potential"
18.06 - Chiles in the pundits room, hand down his trousers after that pass from wilshere, I have to say my pants twitched slightly
18.03 - Vanilla thugs are... "Tattooed white bwoys who I'd booty clap for." according to our sultan of smut
18.00 - I like Behrami, looks like Beckham with a penchant for casual drug use and a sense of humour
17.57 - She has zero interest in football and a mouth like a sewer, @FUERTESKNIGHT has just mentioned Vanilla thugs. Any ideas?
17.56 - All joking, swearing and tweet-mining aside. Why wouldn't Capello start with Young?
17.52 - Ashley Young scores, great finish, formation looks better, Young's movement scares defenders. But we all knew that, why, why, why, did Capello not start with him. Capello must be on a fee from his agent to start a bidding war between liverpool and Man United
17.45 - They're off, how that isn't a foul on walcott.... Lampard off?
17.39 - More from the boy @AdamClery, back in the north... "Capello playing Milner because he did well in the reverse fixture is like going clubbing every night in the ONE shirt you've ever pulled in."
Half-Time analysis from our writers and mates: @JohnKerrison "Uninventive, uninspired, unable to defend, attack or keep posession. On then plus side...lovely weather. #england" @AdamClery reckons Capello has pulled in a scott parker lookalike.
17.27 - I've said this so many times that it is boring but England are rubbish at international football because they play football like a 16-year-old boy with a lob on and his first sniff of a woman. They try and boot the doors in rather than keep hold of the ball and try and unpick the lock. It has always been this way, all blood and thunder, no real idea.
17.26 - If Capello doesn't put Johnson and Young on as proper wingers he should be sacked at half-time
17.23 - Lampard penalty. This is meant to be an end of season stroll in the sun. Only England could make a pig's ear of this. Remember that Capello said 'they are happy to be back, playing like children' - I didn't expect him to leave them to it.
17.20 - well that just caps it off, I may as well knock this on the head. Joe Hart part of the first c**k-up, Milner, who should be strapped in a basement in manchester watching videos of Summerbee and colin Bell, moves out of the way for the second.
17.18 - GOOAAAAAAALLLLLL. To switzerland, terrible jump from Ferdinand, no movement from Hart, shambolic. You can talk about new dawns and formations all you want but if you can't defend an inswinging free-kick you may as well forget it
17.16 - Leighton Baines, looking like a member of the coral, is on for cole
17.13 - Why do they play Ring Of Fire, England cricket team do it as well. The only player who can associate with it is the full-back who liked having a phone inserted up the khyber
17.10- Sorry for the gap, the f**king internet is playing up, which meant I could watch more of the match. If someone could kill the band I'd be happy, no variety, a bit like England
17.05 - England treating this like a friendly at the moment, Swiss dominating midfield and forcing England to try and break. Parker anonymous.
17.01 - You have to keep refreshing this, by the way, we're still too scared to use the live blogging plug-in and break the internet
17.00 - Walcott has become the tony Daley of his time, you'd love him to run for a bus for you but he'd make your pub team worse.
16.58 - Swiss packing midfield at present and sending England wide, already missing Ashley young, Bent is never going to beat 4 men
16.56 @HarryFlowers thinks 1-1 and also that Otmar Hitzfeld was the bloke who kept his daughter in a dungeon
16.54 - @JohnKerrison "I reckon we'll concede and scrape an uninspired 2-1 win."
16.52 The gaffer reckons 2-0 England, Bent Double or Bent and Lampard. I'm going 3-1 England, Bent 2 and Wilshere, Derdiyok for the swiss.
16.51 - Not sure the google spiders have found me yet. Bit concerned
16.49 - Keith wildman, perhaps summing up my afternoon. "football is to be endured not enjoyed." He supports Bradford, console him @keithwildman
16.45 - And they're off
16.41 -Rousing defence of Peter Reid from the gaffer, @jamesjamesbrown from his sun deck... "@owenblackhurst Reidy is very good company. Had a few lunches in Mcr with him and also day by pool in Bangkok interviewing him." I stand corrected.
16.40 - Jody Morris has just tweeted that it's always good listening to Peter Reid. A clear case of a pot calling a kettle an idiot.
16.39 - 'Wembley is England's again today...' Technically, it's not, but there you go.
16.35 - A quick mention for Wayne Rooney and his hair. Knowing that he looks as good as he can with a skinhead, why has he decided to go the Elton John route? I could understand, say, Beckham doing it, but it's not as if Rooney is going to get the armani job
16.32 - @profanityswan and @HarryFlowers are gamely campaigning to get #F**kOffEngland trending
16.25 - Toby jug p*ss face just called Jack Wilshere 'the great'. He's won nothing, ffs, Alexander was great, Maradona great, Wilshere is good, exciting, but he hasn't shaved properly yet
16.22: How English is this. Gareth Southgate has been acclaimed for leading a root and branch review, he's recommended that young players play small sided games until under-13. Nothing wrong with that, apart from..."Spain and Holland don't allow 11-a-side until u-14, so I'm recommending we do the same until u-13." Why not under-14? Why?
England team to face Switzerland.
Hart; G Johnson, Cole, Ferdinand, Terry; Parker, Walcott, Lampard, Wilshere, Milner; Bent.
Where is Ashley Young, he was ace against Wales for England. Milner is much better inside, for all his attributes, he doesn't have the pace required to beat full-backs on the outside. There's that brave new dawn extinguished by the blood-curdling cry of a farmer smashing a rabbit to smithereens to 'save' it from Mixi.
England’s overall record vs. Switzerland
P21 W14 D4 L3F50 A17
Click here for more Football and Sport stories
Click here to follow Sabotage Times on Twitter
Click here to follow Sabotage Times on Facebook