Everton: Attention Spurs Fans - You Do NOT Want David Moyes As Your Gaffer

Seriously, he keeps he books in order and his Everton side is tactically efficient and coached properly, he just wouldn't fit in down at Tottenham.
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Seriously, he keeps he books in order and his Everton side is tactically efficient and coached properly, he just wouldn't fit in down at Tottenham.

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I’d like to issue a warning to all Spurs fans out-there. You do NOT want David Moyes as a manager.  Not only is he tactically naive, unable to sign decent players and a pr disaster but I’ve also heard that he steals sweets from children, reads people’s diaries and that he’s a cannibal. In short, he’s not the sort of man that you want at White Hart Lane at all.

Has that worked? Will that keep your grubby little cockney mitts off him?

I doubt it.

When Roy Hodgson was appointed manager of England (chosen over the ‘people’s candidate’; ‘Arry Redknapp), Evertonians across the globe breathed a sigh of relief.  With Redknapp remaining in his post, it meant that there was no chance that David Moyes, Spurs’ number one choice as his replacement, would be leaving Goodison Park anytime soon.

But like all good things experienced by Evertonians, it proved fleeting. The sacking of Redknapp this morning has kickstarted the rumour mill once again; with Moyes believed to be the one person that Spurs owner, Daniel Levy, thinks has what it takes to take the club to the next level.

And who can blame him. Moyes is a magnificent manager. His ten years at Goodison might not have yielded any silverware but they can still be seen as extremely successful. The decade before he arrived was a dark time for supporters of the club. With the exception of the all-too-brief Joe Royal years, from the dawn of the Premiership until Moyes’ appointment in 2002, Everton were a side in crisis. Two ‘last-minute’ relegation reprieves, a succession of dreadful final league positions and the coming-and-going of a cavalcade of underwhelming players, made being an Evertonian a relatively joyless experience.

His ten years at Goodison might not have yielded any silverware but they can still be seen as extremely successful.

Moyes changed all that. We might still be off the pace of the really big clubs, but it would be fair to say that the manager has restored confidence and stability at Goodison and positioned us close to where a club of our stature and history should be in the league.

And he has managed to do this on a shoestring. With relatively little money to play with, Moyes has consistently found bargains. His Everton sides are proof that you don’t have to spend big to get good players; as the following list illustrates:

Tim Cahill (£1.5 million), Mikel Arteta (£2million), Tim Howard (£3 million), Leighton Baines (£5million), John Heitinga (£6million) Joleon Lescott (£4 million), Phil Jagielka (£4 million) and Nikica Jelevic (£5 million)

That’s eight class players for a total cost of just over £30 million. Five grand less than it costs to buy one well known Liverpool sub.

Moyes is also adept at getting the most out of every individual player. Whether it’s a class act like Jelavic or ‘second-tier’ players such as Darron Gibson or Tony Hibbert, when they take to the pitch you know that every man is going to give his all for the team, which is a rare quality in the modern game.

But that isn’t to say that Moyes is flawless. He’s often criticised for not taking the game to other teams and instead shaping Everton’s style of play to thwart rather than out-class opponents. While this can pay dividends against the big clubs, it often means that we do less well against clubs lower down the league; teams that we should have no problem overcoming.

It also can produce football that is not exactly pleasing to the eye. Spurs might have had their up-and-downs over the years but they have always adhered to the principle of ‘good football’. If this is what you want the club to continue to do week-in-week-out then perhaps David Moyes isn’t the best managerial option. He’ll get you wins but they won’t necessarily be pretty.

And lastly, although adept at finding bargains in the transfer market, his rare examples of big spending have not always borne fruit. The £8.9 million Everton spent on Diniyar Bilyaletdinov and £11.25 million on Yakubu was money down the drain. Spurs have both more money than Everton and an expectation that this should be used to buy quality names. I’m not so sure that Moyes is the right man to trust to do this.

That’s eight class players for a total cost of just over £30 million. Five grand less than it costs to buy one well known Liverpool sub.

In my gut, I don’t think he’ll leave. Moyes is a tremendously loyal man and has already rebuffed offers to depart Goodison for pastures new. What’s more, at Everton he has complete control of the club and the total confidence of the chairman. Would he really be that keen to sacrifice this to move to a club where the owner has gone through seven managers in the last eleven years and recently sacked one that greatly improved the fortunes of the team?

But although his choosing to stay might at first sight lose Everton that all-important compensation money, I think there’s a way we can trick Spurs into giving it to us and all for the cost of one aging right-back.

Everton are blessed by the fact that Tony Hibbert bears a striking resemblance to Moyes. Younger looking certainly, but that’s nothing a few weeks on a sunbed, some heavy-nights on the ale and a bit of make-up can’t change.

So here’s my plan. Everton should agree to let Moyes go but only in return for a decent whack of compensation. Then what we do is send Spurs a prematurely aged Tony Hibbert (this might necessitate a ‘wee-bit’ of Glaswegian accent training too) in place of Moyes. We in turn, a few weeks later, announce the surprise appointment of ‘Tony Hibbert’ as the new Everton manager (in reality a heavily made-up, massively botoxed, David Moyes).  It’s win-win for Everton. We keep Moyes and get a decent wedge in the bargain.

Although knowing our luck, Hibbert will probably end up being the greatest managerial find of the decade.

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