Rangers' Ibrox Stadium soon to be relocated to the big apple
Anybody who feels a modicum of affection or even a twinge of compassion for Glasgow Rangers Football Club as they suffer through their current financial fiasco will no doubt be weighed down by a sense of melancholy at the sight of a once great and noble institution forced to go panhandling for a pittance from their brethren in the Scottish League.
The time then has surely come for Rangers to take a radical solution.
There should be no more talk of rejoining Scottish football at either the demeaning lowest or the hypocritical highest level, nor should we hear people speak of fresh financial structures the likes of which have worked for other clubs in other nations.
The time has come for Glasgow Rangers to “go west”.
Major League Soccer is growing at an impressive rate in North America and - fortuitously for a team that finds its fortunes at such a low ebb - is currently looking to create another franchise in the marketing man’s dream that is New York City.
Thanks to their financial shenanigans Rangers have become the red-headed stepchild of Scottish football
The Big Apple already has the New York Red Bulls, led by Thierry Henry and Mexican international Rafa Marquez, but the bigwigs at MLS are looking to create a Yankees and Mets style rivalry that will ignite the passion of the populace of soccer in America to an even greater degree.
As it currently stands the favourite to take that spot are the newly recreated New York Cosmos (the glory team of the old, and weird, American soccer era that was graced by the likes of Pele and Beckenbauer) but not even the Cosmos could match the astonishing marketing coup that bringing one of the world’s foremost soccer brands to the banks of the Hudson would achieve.
And the stars are aligned for that to happen.
Thanks to their financial shenanigans Rangers have become the red-headed stepchild of Scottish football but, the moment that they touched down at JFK, they would be transformed into the Prodigal Son, with a fatted calf and commercial deals galore lining the runway (current Department of Homeland Security rules permitting of course).
Don Garber, the current Commissioner of MLS, would surely find himself uncontrollably tumescent at the thought of instantly providing his League with the kind of credibility and worldwide exposure that he has long sought to establish, and Rangers themselves would surely find the financial restrictions of the North American salary structure more a blessing than the curse it can appear to be at times.
But how would the city of New York welcome Rangers? Like a tabloid editor learning that Mario Balotelli had been snapped in a compromising position with Justin Bieber.
Hopefully very soon we can look forward to seeing the “New York Rangers” adding the MLS Cup to their already impressive haul of trophies.
The expat community would immediately split into factions that either despised or adored the new kids on the block (creating exactly the kind of rivalry that MLS is yearning for) and the rest of the soccer loving locals would be beyond excited that such a storied club had decided to try to make it in their town.
Even the avid anti-soccer crowd couldn’t help but be drawn in by the hype that would inevitably surround the build-up to the first game that constituted a new era for both American and Scottish soccer.
Yet what of the Rangers fans that were left behind?
No doubt a few short-sighted souls would object to progress and try to create their own club from scratch but most would swiftly come to recognise that this radical change was the only way to save the team that they profess to love and, as a bonus to the local tourist industry, there can be no doubt that package weekends to New York to watch the boys in blue would be a hugely successful cottage industry.
Other alternative solutions may be available but this simple answer to a complex problem seems to represent the best for all concerned, and soon, hopefully very soon, we can look forward to seeing the “New York Rangers” adding the MLS Cup to their already impressive haul of trophies.
Follow Russell on Twitter
Other great reads on Scottish football
Click here for more Football and Sport stories
Click here to follow Sabotage Times on Twitter
Click here to follow Sabotage Times on Facebook