How Do Manchester City And Chelsea Compare To The Rest Of Football's Oil League?

Sabotage Times has compiled an Oil-Rich Super 6 League of Malaga, Paris Saint-Germain, Anzhi Makhachkala, Internazionale, Chelsea and Man City to see who is currently flaunting their cash most obscenely in the increasingly-less beautiful game...
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Sabotage Times has compiled an Oil-Rich Super 6 League of Malaga, Paris Saint-Germain, Anzhi Makhachkala, Internazionale, Chelsea and Man City to see who is currently flaunting their cash most obscenely in the increasingly-less beautiful game...

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Sabotage Times has compiled an Oil-Rich Super 6 League of Malaga, Paris Saint-Germain, Anzhi Makhachkala, Internazionale, Chelsea and Manchester City to see who is currently flaunting their cash most obscenely in the increasingly-less beautiful game...

Malaga

Wealth of Owners

Sheik Abdullah bin Nasser Al Thani, scion of the Qatari royal family isn't short of cash with 15% of the world's supply of natural gas under their control. 9/10

Fees Spent in the Transfer Window

£49 million 8/10

Players

Santi Cazorla, Ruud van Nistelrooy, Jeremy Toulalan, Julio Baptista. Cazorla is the stand out, he’s a real talent and not a Robinho style purchase which looks flash but has limited footballing use.

How Well Have They’ve Spent

Well balanced. Van Nistelrooy and Joaquin gives the team a short term boost while Toulalan and Carzola are players who Malaga can build long term around. Martin Demichelis is still s**t, nothing’s going to change that. 9/10

How Well They’re Playing

After a shock defeat to Sevilla on the opening day, Malaga are flying with 3 wins on the bounce. Carzola has 4 goals and is making them sing. 8/10

Objectives

Break the cartel of Madrid and Barcelona. 10/10

Obnoxiousness

Any team, even one owned by an autocratic royal family looks like the plucky underdog compared to Madrid/Barcelona. We wish them well. 5/10

Total 49/60

Paris Saint-Germain

Wealth of Owners

They’re owned by the Qatari Investment Authority who have got $60 billion in the bank. They own Harrods as well, lucky swines. 10/10

Fees Spent in the Transfer Window

£78 million 9/10

Players

Javier Pastore, Jeremy Menez, Mohamed Sissoko and Salvatore Sirigu. Decent players all round with Pastore being the star. A real coup for PSG and Ligue 1 in attracting that kind of talent.

How Well They’ve Spent

Menez and Sissoko and good players but in Pastore they’ve bought a future superstar. Champions League is a must if they want to keep him long term. Buying Pastore rather than Berbatov shows a focus on youth rather than aging stars. 8/10

How Well They’re Playing

Spluttering. 4 wins, 2 draws and an opening day loss. However Pastore is coming into form, with 2 goals and 2 assists. He’s a fearsome talent and will thrive in Ligue 1. 7/10

Objectives

To qualify for the Champions League this season and to strongly push for the league title the next. 7/10

Obnoxiousness

Low: at the moment. PSG are European low flyers at the moment but expect this to change. Expect to develop an uncomfortably strong man-crush on Javier Pastore very soon. 6/10

Total 47/60

Any team, even one owned by an autocratic royal family looks like the plucky underdog compared to Madrid/Barcelona. We wish Malaga well.

Anzhi Makhachkala

Wealth of Owners

$7.8 billion. 7/10

Fees Spent in Transfer Window

£37 million 7/10

Players

Samuel Eto’o and Yuri Zhirkov have joined Roberto Carlos at Anzhi.

How Well They’ve Spent

Samuel Eto’o eats defenders in Italy and Spain for breakfast. He’s already got two in three games in Russia. Expect him to push for the European Golden Boot if the Russian League wasn’t halfway done. 7/10

How Well They’re Playing

7th out of 16. Not great as the season is halfway done. The new signings will start to have an impact though. 6/10

Objectives

To show the world how nice Dagestan (the province next to Chechnya) is. We’re not kidding. Part of the project is to rehabilitate Dagestan’s image in the eyes of the world after 2 brutal conflicts and decades of terrorism. The players live a 1000 miles away in Moscow because of the regions local ‘atmosphere’. 10/10

Obnoxiousness

Since the team is owned by a pro-Kremlin oligarch with ties to the security services, Sabotage Times would like to, unprompted, wish the team the best of luck and cannot wait for them to win the Champions League outright. Forza Anzhi! 1/10

Total 38/60

Internazionale

Wealth of Owners

€3.2 billion 5/10

Fees Spent in the Transfer Window

£34 million 6/10

Players

Diego Forlan, Ricardo Alvarez, Yuto Nagatomo, Mauro Zarate.

How Well They’ve Spent

Lots of small transfers for Inter this summer instead of their usual spending sprees. Forlan for €5 could be a bargain as could buying Nagatomo outright. 6/10

How Well They’re Playing

Rubbish. 2 defeats and a 0-0 draw vs Roma plus a humiliating Champions League defeat to Trabzonspor. The manager Gian Gasperini has already been replaced with Claudio Ranieri. 3/10

Objectives

Win Serie A and wipe that smug grin of Berlusconi’s face. 8/10

Obnoxiousness

Inter are European royalty and the always inventive ways they find to sabotage their season prevents them from being too obnoxious. Divorce from Mourinho has helped a lot. 6/10

Total 34/60

Inter are European royalty and the always inventive ways they find to sabotage their season prevents them from being too obnoxious.

Chelsea

Wealth of Owners

$13.4 billion 8/10

Fees Spent in the Transfer Window

£65 million 8/10

Players

Oriol Romeu, Romelu Lukaku, Juan Mata and Raul Meireles

How Well They’ve Spent

Very well, but it’s not a complete overhaul. Mata has settled quickly and will be the key to making Torres, Torres again. Meireles brings experience and creativity and Lukaku will provide competition up top. Romeu’s physique and distribution could see him become Chelsea’s Busquets, providing the anchor in AVB’s 4-3-3. 8/10

How Well They’re Playing

Getting there. 3 league wins and a draw isn’t bad. Last weekend’s mad game against Manchester Utd may have ended in a loss but Chelsea showed flashes of what AVB wants them to become. 7/10

Objectives

Win the Champions League, but you know that by now. Chelsea need to re-establish themselves as contenders both domestically and in Europe. Last season’s collapse needs to be shown as an anomaly. 9/10

Obnoxiousness

The combination of Mata and AVB make Chelsea seem that more palatable with their creative, attacking sensibilities. John Terry doesn’t look like he’s going to take his decreasing physical ability with any sort of grace though. Ashley Cole is still Ashley Cole. 8/10

Total 48/60

Manchester City

Wealth of Owners

Quite a bit. $13 billion personal fortune to be getting started with.  10/10

Fees Spent in Transfer Window

£79 million

Players

Samir Nasri, Sergio Aguero, Gael Clichy, Stefan Savic and Owen Hargreaves. 9/10

How Well They’ve Spent

Very well. The days of them paying vast sums to have to attract players are over. Aguero is making his £35 million fee look like astute business indeed. Barry is still getting games, so there’s no accounting for taste. 9/10

How Well They’re Playing

They’ve made a flying start racking up big wins on the way and looking like the team to challenge Man Utd. Thankfully Mancini’s decided that entertaining football isn’t a sin and is happy to play 4 attackers. 9/10

Objectives

Win everything. Second in the league is the minimum though as is a quarter final appearance in the Champions League. 9/10

Obnoxiousness

With Garry Cook gone you’d think things would be a little better after the nadir of this video. Cook’s office demeanour would make Patrick Bateman’s skin crawl. 9/10

Total 55/60

So the clear winner of the Oil League is Man City with their combination of crazy wealth, great players and contact with the life form known as Gary Cook.

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