As a Newcastle fan you can’t be surprised anymore. If Mike Ashley changed the colours to red and white stripes you wouldn’t be surprised. If he pulled his fucking face off and turned out to be an alien that eats lizards, you’d not be surprised. It’s like he’s doing it all to take the piss. A big, expensive joke to mock the Geordies. The club shop should be selling NUFC ‘Laughing Stock’ cubes for making gravy.
Chris Hughton won the fans over. They knew he was a football bloke. He got the results, and he waved when we sang his name. But he always looked like a coach, not a manager. Like Keith Burkenshaw in the 70s. He tried to change. He started wearing a suit. But is was too little, too late.
So where are we now? Keegan has demonstrated that you can’t rule out previous managers returning, so there’s a very wide field. But you can rule out expensive ones, so that narrows it down a bit... to Gazza and Joe fucking Kinnear. At 250/1 Gazza is good value, but it’s experience we’re after, apparently. It was before a West Brom game that Joe Kinnear took ill and left Hughton in charge. Wouldn’t it just be a poetic miscarriage of justice if Joe got his job back after we lose to West fucking Brom. He’s the nightmare scenario. The Harpo Marx of football management, but unfortunately he can talk.
It’s a pity you don’t need this experience stuff to operate at board room level. It’s not that we don’t appreciate the investment and the effort that Mike Ashley has put in, no matter how misguided it has been. The Geordie fans have empathy. Charles Dickens visited the Toon for three days to read some plays in the 1861 and had this to say about the Newcastle crowd. ‘A finer audience there is not in England, and I suppose them to be specially earnest people; for while they can laugh till they shake the roof , they have a very unusual sympathy for what is pathetic or passionate’.
Mike Ashley has had us laughing. He’s done pathetic too. But what we really need is a bit of passionate. We want someone who cares about football and about our club. But that’s in the boardroom, and it’s also a pipe dream. Gone are the days when some foolhardy local businessman made good with a life history of supporting the team could afford to step in and risk his millions for the sake of the cause. We’re looking for rich Arabs and speculative yanks now.
And realistically, we’re looking for a manager who’ll work for £500 a week and keep us in the Premier League. Joe Kinnear looks the only candidate. Unless we go for Gazza, in a Santa outfit. That might just see us through the Christmas fixtures.
Newcastle results this season have included:
Newcastle 5 - 1 Sunderland
Arsenal 0 - 1 Newcastle
Everton 0 - 1 Newcastle
Newcastle 6 - 0 Aston Villa
Chelsea 3 - 4 Newcastle
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