Let's Chase Ecclestone And Briatore Out Of Town: The QPR Fans’ Guide To The Transfer Window

The owners don't love the club, support the manager or spend much cash... so let's burn them! Who's with me?
Avatar:
Author:
Publish date:
Social count:
43
The owners don't love the club, support the manager or spend much cash... so let's burn them! Who's with me?

It’s the silly season in football – do you love it or hate it?

It's nice. Without it we would have no way of knowing about how much Carlos Tevez misses his wife and kids.

What are you hoping to read every time you check your club news each morning?

That Bernie Ecclestone and Flavio Briatore have been chased out of town by a mob of pitchfork-wielding vigilantes.

What do you inevitably end up reading instead?

That Bernie Ecclestone and Flavio Briatore intend to own QPR until the day they are buried, naked limbs intertwined, under the Loftus Road west paddock. Despite the fact the pair of them have admitted to having no interest in football.

Got much cash in the kitty?

Theoretically Queen's Park Rangers has more than enough financial prostastic fluid in its pendulous sacks. But whether the owners will see fit to release it all over enraptured faces of the club's fans remains to be seen. As a metaphor that almost works.

Hulking midfielder? Tricky winger? Big bastard defender? What types of players would you like to sign this summer?

It hinges on the club's ability to retain the services of midfield mystagogue Adel Taraabt. With him in place QPR need only sign a couple of injury-resistant, goal poachers and perhaps a centre-half. If he gets sold then Neil Warnock just needs to find another strong, athletic, young playmaker who can confound defenders, cross accurately, run with blinding speed and shoot with the venom of a thousand cobras.

What types of player will you end up signing instead? An U21 Moldovan left back instead of Spanish international forward perhaps?

What about a busted flush of a midfielder who's rapidly approaching retirement and picks up so many injuries that even Owen Hargreaves thinks he's taking the p*ss? Ladies and gentlemen: Kieron Dyer.

The afore-mentioned Taraabt presumably believes that his rightful place is stage centre at San Siro, entertaining tens of thousands of attractive calcio fans as the afternoon sun slowly descends over Milan.

Who wants to leave the club and what’s your attitude towards them?

The afore-mentioned Taraabt presumably believes that his rightful place is stage centre at San Siro, entertaining tens of thousands of attractive calcio fans as the afternoon sun slowly descends over Milan.

Who has been the biggest tosser of this transfer window?

Flavio and Bernie. Again. For not backing Neil Warnock with as much confidence as he deserves. For alienating the much more popular Mittal family. For letting all of the club's original transfer targets slip away. For hiking up the ticket prices and effectively sticking two fingers up at all the poor b*stards who've been coming back Loftus Road for fifteen years regardless of the club's success. For generally looking like a mole and a bull frog who have taken human form as to allow them to walk among the humans and learn their ways.

Reckon you’ll be stronger or weaker next season?

Stronger.

What has been the best ever bit of business your club did in the transfer window?

In recent memory Warnock's visionary purchase of Taraabt from Tottenham for about £1m. Today, a year later, he's valued at approximately fifteen times that amount.

And the worst?

Our predilection for signing mincing, overpriced Italian washouts. Doubtlessly these purchases were the result of dodgy favours being called in by one of Flavio's wine-swilling, sharp-suited, omertà-mumbling business associates. Not that I'm necessarily stereotyping all Italian business kingpins as criminals. But come on.

Click here for more Football and Sport stories

Click here to follow Sabotage Times on Twitter

Click here to follow Sabotage Times on Facebook