Liverpool End Of Term Report: Sign De Jong And Ramirez And Forget Homegrown Dross

Six wins from 18 at home is simply unacceptable, but now Kenny's gone we have to forget signing average players based on a passport...
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Six wins from 18 at home is simply unacceptable, but now Kenny's gone we have to forget signing average players based on a passport...

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Liverpool End Of Term Report: Sign De Jong And Ramirez And Forget Homegrown Dross

The ‘I f*cking love this game’ highlight of the season

Suppose I should go for winning the Carling Cup - and regardless of how most teams treat it, there’s no better feeling in football than seeing your team win a trophy. However, big Andy’s late winner against Everton in the FA Cup semi-final was the most I’ve celebrated a goal in ages. We had been in poor form leading up to the game, whilst they had just beaten the likes of Man City and Spurs. Yet we still came back from a goal down to beat them. Lovely.

The season ticket shredding moment

There’s no one single moment, I suppose, just the consistently abysmal home form throughout the season. 6 wins out of 18 at Anfield is simply unacceptable. The club have wisely frozen season ticket prices for next year, but they should be offering refunds.

Moment that just about summed it all up

Stewart Downing hitting both the bar and post against Chelsea in our final home game. Think that was the 34th and 35th time we’ve hit the woodwork this season. There’s no doubt that Downing has been a poor signing, and without a single goal or assist to his name in the league he’s become the butt of a lot of jokes on twitter. However, he’s scored and created a few in the cups, and if you go back and look at all the times we’ve hit the woodwork this season, he’s hit it at least five times, and at least ten of the other attempts that hit it have been from Downing’s pass or cross. A bit of good luck and this season could have ended up completely different for him and the rest of the team.

I’d probably do a Clockwork Orange and strap them all down in chairs

Got the right manager

As I write we haven’t got one.

Player of the season

Martin Skrtel. He’s been ever-present at the heart of our defence and has improved immeasurably. Scored a few important goals, too, most notably the equaliser in the Carling Cup final. He and Agger (if he can stay fit) are one of the best centre back pairings in Europe and the future of our defence for years to come.

What would you change next term if you were the gaffer

There’s not much, to be honest. The lack of fight and belief in the players is worrying, so I’d probably do a Clockwork Orange and strap them all down in chairs and force their eyes to stay open as they watch hypnotic videos of other teams winning the league, whilst also playing Braveheart on a loop. After a pre-season of that the team would be a lean, mean, Scouse winning machine. Easy this management lark.

Which player would you like to sign

I’ll try and keep this as realistic as possible. Gaston Ramirez or Younes Belhanda would give us some much needed flair and creativity in midfield, and someone like Luuk De Jong could help us convert the plethora of chances we create into goals and, more importantly, wins. Just no more overpriced homegrown talent, please.

Luuk De Jong could help us convert the plethora of chances we create into goals

Best goal

Got to be Suarez’s third against Norwich: a lob from at least forty-yards to seal the best hat-trick I’ve ever seen. Actually, he could probably have his own goal of the season competition as he’s scored some cracking goals. What a player.

Biggest tosser

By far and away England’s very own big, brave John Terry.

Best pie

Best pie? Ha, there’s no such thing! The pie least likely to give you a violent case of salmonella is probably a Scouse pie with lashings of brown sauce.

Best chant

“We only hate Mancs, we only hate Maaaancs, we’re not racist, we only hate Mancs!”

Player’s tweet of the season

There’s no one tweet in particular, but Lucas Leiva has been awesome on twitter. Comes across as a nice fella with a genuine affinity for the club and city, and his extreme politeness mixed with his broken English often result in unintentionally amusing tweets.

Best laugh you had all season

Seeing John Terry repeatedly get merked in the 4-1 win over Chelsea was absolutely priceless. He got ‘megged three times in the opening half hour, and then slipped on his big crying, snide, adulterous arse to let Henderson in to score. Damn, that was great to watch. If they brought a DVD of that out, I’d buy it. Honourable mention to the Anfield Cat.

How do you plan to get through the summer without football

Wait, what? There’s no football? *runs and jumps out of nearest window*

I’ll have to make do with the Euro’s, and then watching grainy streams of whatever leagues run through the summer in world football. Hopefully a bit of South American futbol and maybe a bit of the Russian league can do me until pre-season starts.

Follow Alex on Twitter

Handbags End of Season Show is on Sunday 20th May 5pm

Bored of Match of the Day? It's time for proper football analysis from the fans. We'll be discussing the Champions League Final, Championship Play-Off Final and The England Squad

Watch it live here https://plus.google.com/u/0/b/100521839192254059609/

Or from Sunday night here http://www.youtube.com/user/SThangouts

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