Liverpool: We're Really Lacking A Dirty B******d In Midfield

We all love Lucas but he's not the player we need...
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We all love Lucas but he's not the player we need...

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Liverpool: We're Really Lacking A Dirty B******d In Midfield 

What’s going right?

We’re dead good at the goals.Goingforward Liverpool have been great this season, Suarez and Sturridge trying to one up each other. Gerrard doing that thing he does were he scores from 12 yards, Coutinho and Sterling developing their hair game and doing really well as a result. Add a few more fancy wingers and such and we’ll be laughing.

What’s not?

Defending’s rubbish isn’t it, where’s the fun in it? “Top interception there, they’ll be showing that one for years. What a tackle, he won’t forget that one in a hurry. Astounding defensive positioning, any children watching should pay close to attention to where he stands.” Although I suppose it couldn’t hurt to try and get a bit better at it.

Got the right manager?

Yep,  if any Liverpool fans aren’t convinced yet I’d suggest that Napoli are doing just fine or that they watch the 11-12 season review over and over again as they’re a lost cause.

Star player?

Obviously the correct answer is Luiz Suarez. But in this writers opinion Jordan “Hendo” Henderson is the real star player this year. Energetic, inventive and enthusiastic he represents the best parts of Liverpool this year. He is the object of my affection and I won’t hear a word said against him.

Who would you like to sell in the summer?

Get Iago Aspas on the first plane back to Spain ASAP. Otherwise Assaidi, Reina, Kelly, Coates and even Borini, Suso and Agger could all realistically leave. Depending on who’s signed I wouldn’t be too upset to see the lot of them go.

Who do you want to sign?

Either Ricardo Rodriguez who is Luke Shaw but Swiss, half the price, more experienced and better going forward with an actual end product. Or a complete and utter b****** in midfield, someone to commit those dirty fouls and pick up yellow cards like nectar points. We all love Lucas, I’d sacrifice my theoretical first child for Lucas but the dirty b****** we need, he is not. Claudio Yacob is the obvious candidate.

Best chant so far?

The Henderson/Mrs Robinson tune is a fairly recent effort but it is a personal favourite.

Best opposition player/team you’ve seen? 

Yaya Toure’s casual lope across the pitch when he’s actually running at a considerable speed is one of the most enjoyable sights in football. He’s probably been the most impressive player this season. I suppose Man City should win as well but I’ve been impressed at the apathy shown by Aston Villa as they knew full well there were worst sides than them so they didn’t really need to bother.

Biggest w***** of the season?

Alan Pardew. A '52 year old man calling a 60 year old man 'old', sort-of headbutting opposition players, shoving referees' type of w*****. You get the sense he’s really building to something, he needs to show a little bit more competence otherwise he’ll burn out to quickly and be sacked before he can unleash his grand finale. He’s a thoroughly entertaining w***** but still a complete and utter w*****.

Funniest Moment of the season?

HAHAHA, HE SLIPPED DIDN’T HE. THE MAN FELL OVER. THE MAN FELL OVER AND SAW HIS HOPES AND DREAMS DISAPPEAR. THE MAN FELL OVER AND IT WAS DEAD FUNNY. If not that then Kolo Toure’s continued existence as Premier League footballer, a particular highlight being when he pounded on the ground after conceding to Hull.

Next season's prediction?

Next year will be our year obviously. Failing that staying  in the Champions League and generally being competitive in all competitions would be nice.