Picture this. The rich, sleazy t**t you went to school with is now in a relationship with the beautiful girl you had a thing for. It’s all about him, though, and rarely does he show his appreciation of her.
Now transfer this image to Chelsea and Juan Mata. The wonderful, curly maned, naturally gifted Mata. With the detestably artificial, Jose Mourinho-managed Chelsea. Much like the situation of that girl you once fancied, Chelsea are treating Mata like s***. They don’t appreciate him. They don’t deserve him. It’s a one way relationship dominated by the hubris and egotistical personality of one man.
However, Manchester United have the chance to change this. David Moyes, the unmemorable kid from the same class, now slightly balding and running an HMV store, would cherish Mata every hour of every day. The pair could take their employers back to the lofty heights they were once accustomed to.
Man United supporters saying Mata is not the player they need clearly haven’t paid much attention to Arsenal’s success this season. Many Arsenal fans said over the summer that Mesut Ozil would be a waste of money, with a right back and centre forward a priority. How categorically wrong they were; Ozil has been instrumental to their fine form so far, creating the most chances in the Premier League since arriving.
Mata would have a similar impact at United. There’s no reason why he couldn’t seamlessly slot into an attacking midfield trio alongside both Adnan Januzaj and Shinji Kagawa, with all three interchanging positions throughout the game, as Ozil, Santi Cazorla and Jack Wilshere have done so well for Arsenal this season. Realistically, Moyes would have to offload one of his forwards, be it Wayne Rooney or Javier Hernandez, neither of whom would be happy fighting RVP and Danny Welbeck for one spot.
If you’re asking me who I’d rather have between Rooney or Mata, I’d say the latter without a shadow of a doubt. Man United have a plethora of top drawer strikers so Rooney’s absence would be compensated for, and Mata has his best years ahead of him, in contrast to Rooney who arguably has already experienced his.
Yes, a more all-round midfielder of Yohan Cabaye’s ilk is arguably more a priority for Moyes, but I think he should take note of Arsenal’s success with Ozil, who lifted everyone around him, and take Mata away from the ghastly muppet he’s currently suffering under.
It would only be fair to the universe.
Follow Reuben on Twitter, @rlewisafc