Non-Existent Nines: Hibernian's Eduardo 'The Tank' Hurtado

Eduardo Hurtado arrived at Hibernian with the reputation as a prolific goalscorer and left with fans abuse ringing in his ears. Here's why the chunky striker makes our Non-Existent Nines list...
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Eduardo Hurtado arrived at Hibernian with the reputation as a prolific goalscorer and left with fans abuse ringing in his ears. Here's why the chunky striker makes our Non-Existent Nines list...

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Signed for a club record fee of £700,000 just weeks before Alex McLeish left to manage Rangers, Eduardo “The Tank” Hurtado was surely brought to Easter Road as part of some nefarious Ibrox conspiracy to sabotage an uncharacteristically successful Hibs squad.

It quickly became apparent that the 14st 4lb Ecuadorian’s nickname referred to his propensity to turn with all the grace and agility of a rusting WW2-vintage Panzer. My defining memory of him came when he lumbered into team-mate Ulrik Laursen, preventing the Dane from slotting in what should have been a sitter against Motherwell.

Normally I take great pride in never verbally abusing players from my own side. But on this occasion I broke the habit of a lifetime to inform “The Tank” loudly from the stands just what a useless shower of fucking fat shite he was, and everyone around me cheered.

Other articles from our Non-Existent Nines collection...

Non-Existent Nines: AFC Bournemouth’s Steve ‘The Wardrobe’ Fletcher

Non Existent Nines: Liverpool’s Asinine Pony Tail Andriy Voronin

Non-Existent Nines: Bolton’s Overweight Workshy Catastrophe Michael Ricketts

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