Non-Existent Nines: Tottenham Hotspur's Flailing Big Man Peter Crouch

There have been worse strikers at Spurs, but few have looked so out of his depth as Crouch did in Spurs squad amongst Bale, Modric and Van Der Vaart.
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There have been worse strikers at Spurs, but few have looked so out of his depth as Crouch did in Spurs squad amongst Bale, Modric and Van Der Vaart.

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While it may seem odd to list Peter Crouch as Tottenham Hotspur’s worst ever centre forward - especially given the fact it was his goal on the 5th May 2010 that ended Spurs’ wait for the Holy Grail that is Champions League football - that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

At first glance, you’d assume Crouch would be a monster in the air; winning everything and netting for fun, yet he defies logic. The man jumps lower than he stands, plus he feels the need to gain more height by climbing over the defender, drawing a foul every time. Which, after the tenth time in a single game, is frustrating.

I genuinely think a metal pole placed in the ground, in the penalty area would provide more assists and attacking threat than the man nicknamed “Rodney”. Crouch’s finishing on the floor is equally as bad and the most annoying thing is the way he sticks his tongue out after doing something stupid and laughing about it. The fans who have paid several hundreds to get to Madrid, or those in LA ending up with a parking ticket because they were in a desperate attempt to find a pub showing a game, fail to see the funny side.

It’s also not just his own lack of ability that I think deserves him the worse centre forward award, it’s the way he makes the rest of the team play; defenders completely bypass a talented midfield to hoof it forward for Crouch to mis-control the ball, or lose it in the air. Whilst there is no doubt, certainly in my 28 years of being a fan, that there has been a lower standard of striker at the club; The Fenns, Allens and the Mcveighs of this world, none of these players were surrounded by world-class players such as Bale, Modric and Van Der Vaart, and none seemed so out of their depth.

I don’t think there were many sad to see him leave for Stoke City at a profit.

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