Premier League Darts Brighton: Who's The Baddest MoFo On The Oche?

Kevin Painter has a face like a Baghdad torturer and Taylor v Anderson is akin to Lucky Luciano v Al Capone, just who is the baddest of them all?
Avatar:
Author:
Publish date:
Social count:
1
Kevin Painter has a face like a Baghdad torturer and Taylor v Anderson is akin to Lucky Luciano v Al Capone, just who is the baddest of them all?

404

I learned this week that “gully” means “Something from the streets, gutter, and/or gangsta” (Urban Dictionary). It came up when Grantland started running a tournament to decide the best character from the Wire, the most badass, the most gangsta character prowling the mean streets of East Baltimore and its environs.

It got me thinking.

Who is the baddest, the meanest, the most red-eye extreme motherfucker, the most gully son of a bitch in darts?

Kevin Painter v Andy Hamilton

Kevin Painter has the look of a Baghdad torturer. You hear the scrape of metal on metal. Your bonds constrict the blood flow to your hands. Something is...something emerges from the gloom...Kevin.

Looks intimidate. Kevin Painter should be in anyone’s top five most gully mofos in darts. His coupon terrifies. (Scottish slang: Coupon, translation; face)

If coupons could kill.

Andy Hamilton is no slouch in the badass/gully department either, and when these two Premier League debutants meet in Brighton there will be blood.

Painter comes off a disappointing 8-6 loss to Wade after a very positive start to the campaign.

Hamilton comes off a disappointing 8-6 loss to Barneveld after a very positive start to the campaign.

While Painter’s badass superpower may be his coupon; Hamilton’s is his refusal to give in, the quality summed up by the catchall term; grit. True Grit.

Painter and Hamilton have done well against the big beasts of darts, scraping off the odd point where they could. And while Kevin Painter sits third in the table there can’t be much doubt that - with Taylor, Anderson, Barneveld surging, and Wade finding his feet - the clash of Grit and Coupon is a relegation 6-pointer; crucial to their playoff chances down the road.

Phil Taylor v Gary Anderson

The top dogs collide in an explosion of fur, teeth and sweat.

We’re trying to find the toughest gangster-son-of-a-bitch in darts, these two sit top of the PLD table, they are shooting awe-inspiring, career-defining tungsten.

It’s Charlie "Lucky" Luciano vs Al Capone.

The hardest bastards - currently - in Premier League Darts.

When these guys roll up their sleeves you best leave the room.

Phil Taylor is playing statistically the best, most consistent, darts of his life.

And Gary Anderson has swept aside his last three rivals 8-2, 8-5 and 8-1 showing a clinicalness on doubles previously unimaginable.

This will be good.

James Wade v Raymond van Barneveld

A clash of the comeback kids. Barney is well and truly back, the mental steadfastness he has displayed in recent weeks, no more so in a snatching victory from the gob of defeat 6-4 to 8-6 win over the gritty one himself, Andy Hamilton. He’s back after what has seemed like an age of crap, an era of mediocrity.

And Wade won last week. For the first time in donkeys. Painter was under par in that match but the fact James Wade was able to close it out was a positive sign, his post-match interview in which he admitted he has been less than laser like in his focus on darts; less so.

Still he’s on the comeback trail. Who’s the toughest mofo in this match? We’ll have to wait and see (Barney).

Simon Whitlock v Adrian Lewis

Aussies are hard bastards. But are they gully? Does that wrastle a gator, fist fight a kangaroo, Jason Donovan toughness translate to a street-fight, which is what this is?

You best believe when it comes to it Adrian Lewis will scratch and bite.

And he’ll need to. Whitlock was pummeled last week by a record breaking 117.35 average Phil Taylor performance, but his own statistical performance of 105 is not rubbish; in fact it’s rather good.

And while he can’t be described as the in form Simon Whitlock, which was the familiar preface to his name going into the PLD, he’s still playing better than Lewis.

Adrian Lewis - World Champ Adrian Lewis - had his bottom handed to him last week. It was a tad embarrassing. Anderson 8-1.

It is difficult to imagine that happening again. It can’t happen again, Lewis is just too good at darts.

Lewis has been bringing less than his all to recent Premier League encounters. He hasn’t been gully. Lewis fans have to hope the spanking Anderson dished out has woken him out of his daze, if it hasn’t:

He’s bringing a knife to a gunfight.

Phil Taylor's Average of 117.35 Sticks Two Fingers Up At The Doubters

Premier League Darts Exeter: Into The Twilight Zone We Go

ou can follow Lenny on Twitter @Lenny_Boyle, and read more of his words about Darts at Tectonic Tungsten

Click here for more Darts stories

Click here to follow Sabotage Times on Twitter

Click here to follow Sabotage Times on Facebook

Click here for more Darts stories

Click here to follow Sabotage Times on Twitter

Click here to follow Sabotage Times on Facebook