The FA Cup Final - Stoke City vs Manchester City - As It Happened

The long wait is over, Manchester City take on Stoke City in the 2011 FA Cup Final. Join us and stay up to date with what's happening on the pitch and coming out of Adrien Chiles' mouth.
Avatar:
Author:
Publish date:
Social count:
2
The long wait is over, Manchester City take on Stoke City in the 2011 FA Cup Final. Join us and stay up to date with what's happening on the pitch and coming out of Adrien Chiles' mouth.

The long wait is over, Manchester City take on Stoke City in the 2011 FA Cup Final. Join us and stay up to date with what's happening on the pitch and coming out of Adrien Chiles' mouth.

---

17:10

- Well, that's it folks. Man City's long wait for a trophy is now over, and it only cost them enough money to build a golden statue of Roberto Mancini on the moon. We hope you've enjoyed our coverage of the final, but now we're all off to turn our backs on our computers and jump up and down on the spot. Peace out.

---

17:07

- It's just dawning on me now that in the past 6 months I've called Gareth Barry "the footballing equivalent of finding a lump on your balls" and "a £12million Carlton Palmer flavour ice-cream sandwich". Today he won the FA Cup, but I'm still right.

---

17:04

- Carlos Tevez, the shortest captain to lift the FA Cup trophy since Dennis Wise

---

17:00

- Balotelli, say what you want about him, but he at least asked if you could say "shit" on ITV before actually saying it.

---

And that's it! Full-time. Stoke City 0-1 Manchester City

---

16:55

-

GOAL

... kick.

---

16:54

- Stoke ping the ball around the 6 yard box. 15 seconds left. Sorensen's up for the corner...

---

16:53

- We're into stoppage time now, Stoke still as limp and unthreatening as *celebrity impotence metaphor*

---

16:52 -

Balotelli voted ITV's man of the match. The Sabotage Times MOTM though is Tony Pulis, for that costume change stunt before kick-off.

---

16:49

-

SUB:

Carlos Tevez off for Pablo Zabaleta. City seemingly content to see this out at 1-0 now and it's hard to see Stoke doing anything with Kompany now a spare man at the back.

---

16:47

- It pains me to admit this but De Jong has been immense today. Him and Kompany have just broken up every single decent chance Stoke have had.

---

16:45

- Danny Pugh's come on for Stoke, no idea who for though, but it doesn't really matter. Stoke now looking for long balls up to Carew and Jones.

---

16:43

- 7 minutes of normal time remaining and City still on the front foot. Silva has a low drive saved by Sorensen. Stoke have battled very well so far but just look totally devoid of ideas that will get them back into this.

---

16:39

- Adam Johnson utterly bamboozles Wilson and cuts inside, the shot's blocked and Stoke are absolutely reeling from the goal.

SUB

: Carew on for Delap, presumably a big chance of tactic from Pulis now as they chase the game.

---

16:37

- Stoke's respose to the goal is for Andy Wilkinson to almost sever Balotelli's leg. In truth, a goal would be more useful for them.

---

16:35

-

GOAL: Man City 1-0 Stoke

. Danny Higganbotham comments on the touchline that Stoke are starting to finally play well and the fates decide to utterly shit all over him. Loose ball in the box lands at the feet of Yaya Toure who almost takes the net off.

---

16:33

-

SUB:

Gareth Barry -> Adam Johnson. Conclusive proof, if ever it was needed, that I'm never, ever wrong about these things.

---

16:31 -

Jermaine Pennant wins a free-kick, gets all the big players up for it, runs up and puts in a nomination for "worst free-kick in a domestic cup final".  Astounding.

---

16:29

-

GOAL:

Nah, just kidding.

---

16:26

- The most predictable thing imaginable is that Mancini brings Adam Johnson on in the next 10 minutes. Just watch.

---

16:24

-

SUB:

Etherington -> Whitehead. That's his last contribution (and possibly first as well) as his injury finally gets the better of him and Stoke make the change. Whitehead round-pegging the square hole on the left flank.

---

16:22

- BEST CHANCE OF THE GAME! Kenwyne Jones wriggles though one-on-one but is denied by Joe Hart. Excellent ball through by Etherington that showcased just how insipidly awful Joleon Lescott is. Saved. Still 0-0.

---

16:20

- It would appear my hopes for a bit of a contest were, somewhat, presumptuous. Yet another foul.

---

16:18

- Is Gareth Barry even on the pitch?

---

16:16

- It's all kicking off now! Stoke have two or three chances to score before City charge down the other end and Tevez shoots narrowly wide. Dare I say we might actually have a game on our hands now!? Please God, give us a game.

---

16:14

- The game's now descending into a series of niggling fouls by both sides. Massively suits Stoke as it's killing all of City's momentum and providing them with the occasional opportunity to lump the ball forward. Not that that's their only tactic. It's not. Honest.

---

16:11

- A Delap throw-in splits the City in sunder and the ball rolls out nicely for Pennant who then scuffs his shot into a crowd of defenders. City fans audibly shuffle on their seats uncomfortably.

---

16:09

- You can all tick "prawn sarnies" off you Fa Cup final bingo card now. Some of you must be getting pretty close to a line by now?

---

16:07

- HA! Jim Belgin calls Kolarov a "greedy greedy boy" for shooting instead of crossing, then sees in the replay that there was absolutely nobody to pass to. What a massive, massive tool.

---

16:05

- Right, a bit of honesty. Man City have been miles better than Stoke, but the longer it stays 0-0, the more inevitable it is that Stoke will nick a late goal.

---

16:03

- Excellent tweet from @foolhandy; "In ITV's alternative universe, 8th best side in England is village team & 4th best side (who've also won nothing) has no equal". Quite right sir.

---

15:57

- If that was an "absorbing first half" then I'm a... I'm... uh... That just wasn't an absorbing first half.

---

15:55

- I've actually muted the half-time analysis and I'm reciting lines from the sitcom Friends over the top of it. Southgate and Townsend are really angry at each other because Gareth slept with the girl from the Xerox place. He thought they were on a break though.

---

15:48

- Half-time and... you'll never guess what...

it's 0-0

. Mine's a pint, ta.

---

15:45

- Pennant appears to have gone over on this electronic tag, looks a sore one. *old joke*

---

15:44

- Stoke were about 9-0 up at this stage against Bolton, weren't they?

---

15:43

- Forgot to mention, if this is 0-0 at half-time you all owe me a drink. Not at the same time of course, but we've got all your IP adresses and will be hunting you down for payment. Cheers.

---

15:41

- Kolarov then sticks the free-kick in the stands. I'm not saying he's not a good left-back, but for £18million, City have absolutely had their eye-balls taken out for him...

---

15:40

- A yellow card for Huth, about 15 minutes after he could have had a red. Wraps his legs seductivley around Balotelli and scythes him down. Ugly/arousing stuff.

---

15:39

- City fluff their lines from 4 yards again. This time they win a corner though after Teves cuts it back from the byline. Stoke hanging on slightly now...

---

15:36

- Jinxed it. Balotelli gets into a scrap with Sorensen, the ball drops for Silva who's 4 yards out, he scuffs his shot into the ground and it bounces over the bar for a goal-kick. Astonishing miss and a massive let-off for Stoke. Hopefully this will wake both sides up a bit. Or at least me.

---

15:34

- Very little of note to report at this stage. City look a lot better on the ball, Stoke threatening from set pieces. Two facts I'm sure you're astonished to hear. Interestingly though, for all the build-up surrounding Etherington, he's been totally anonymous.

---

15:30

- Incident! Stoke denied a pentaly for a possible handball and, just to take the ref's mind of it, Kompany strides up the other end and almost scored. Still 0-0 though, just like I promised.

---

15:29

- Stoke are very compact here, but there are no good analogies for things that are compact. "Stoke are about as compact as a disc right now". See, rubbish. "As compact as Kate Moss' stomach". Pathetic.

---

15:27 -

This will be 0-0 at half time. I'll buy you all a drink if it's not. Deadly serious, you can hold me to that. I just want some friends.

---

15:25 -

An absolutely BRILLIANT save by Sorensen. Who then strides out with all the swagger of a post-coital lion and claims the corner.

---

15:23 -

@owenblackhurt reporting live from a pub in Kent: "

Some blokes, wearing plus fours, just called Mancini a longhaired woofter".

---

15:20 -

Best chance of the game and it falls to... Stoke! Kenwyne Jones just getting blocked when brillaint put in by Walters. A sucker-punch would be hilarious.

---

15:18

- A breathtaking long ball from City almost puts Tevez in but it's just too long, Sorensen stranded he gives to that man Mario who jinks inside and forgets what to do next. Concussed perhaps?

---

15:17

- Our editor-at-large @jamesjamesbrown has said, because I was too scared to... "Unusual to see the Germans and the italians fighting."

---

15:15

- If only we had two extra officials on the touchline, they could have missed that as well.

---

15:14 -

Balotelli's down, holding his face, Huth gives him the tiniest jab with the elbow. That said, he's did definitely hit him and it was definitely with the elbow. Huth surely lucky to still be on the pitch...

---

15:12

- Rubbish.

---

15:11

- Delap's about to take a throw-in... brace yourself..

---

15:09

- Heartwarming moment on the touchline there. Mancini sharing his gum with Brian Kidd. Kidd wells up as he remembers that in 4 years as Fergie's assistant, he never offered to share once.

---

15:08

- Man City starting to knock on the door now. Stoke pretending that they're not in but Tevez has definitely seen the curtains twitch. In a manner of speaking.

---

15:06

- Once chance so far, Tevez stinging Sorensen's gloves from 20 yards. Pulis then stinging our ears with a few choice swears. I wish he was my dad.

---

15:04 -

Faye already warming up with Huth hobbling. It's almost as if he's gone into this game without being fully fit... hmm...

---

15:02

- Jermaine Pennant has just beaten 5 players and then been layed out by De Jong. Literally the most predictable set of circumstances possible.

---

15:01

Tony Pulis swapped his suit for his trackie bottoms during the anthems. That's the defining image of the game already.  What. A. Dude.

---

15:00

-

Right boys and girls. We're off!

---

14:59

- Whilst a lot of people have mentioned De Jong's last cup final, it's worth pointing out that Whelan and Delap aren't quite Xavi and Iniesta. Just.

---

14:58

- Crikey! Cher's had MORE work done!?

---

14:56

- Incredible restraint from Clive Tyldsley there to suppress the urge to say "WEMBLEY! CAN YOU FEEEEEEEL THE ELECTRICITY!?". Very professional.

---

14:54

- Astounding. Tony Pulis' tailor wouldn't make him a baseball cap that matches his suit!?

---

14:52

- For those of you who have just joined us, that's the THIRD time Chiles has made that joke about Liam Gallagher combing his hair today. Am I only person who worries about him? He's sitting in that chair now with a look on his face that implies he's not sure if he's have a s**t or a hair-cut...

---

14:50

- News filtering through that Man United have won an record 19th title today... the collective shrug is almost stifling.

---

14:48

- "Tony Pulis will be happy to know that his team are the underdog today" - Aye Andy, imagine if they were playing a League Two side today, they wouldn't have a clue what to do with themselves...

---

14:46

- TUNE!

---

14:41

- I'm predicting two more ad-breaks before we see a ball being kicked...

---

14:40

- So, according to ITV, Pennant is the new Beckham because he's English and plays on the wing, and Mario is the new Cantona because... he lived in Manchester for a bit?

---

14:38

- This whole Mancini/Balotelli relationship feels a lot like a Julia Roberts film doesn't it. They'll have a tearful embrace if they win today, just you wait.

---

14:36

- Nice of God to help guide Balotelli's career, instead of  say, stopping earthquakes, tsunamis or Piers Morgan.

---

14:35

- Sentences I guarantee Mario Balotelli has never uttered number 1: "Awh, go on, I could murder a cuppa".

---

14:33

-

Chilesism

- "I wish my Grandad had brought me to the cup final, even if I wouldn't have had a clue what was happening". Well Adrian, you're here now and you're still clueless, so close enough, eh?

---

14:31

- Here are your subs, in case you're interested.

Man City

- Given, Zabaleta, Boyata, Vieira, Milner, A Johnson, Dzeko.

Stoke

- Nash, Collins, Pugh, Diao, Whitehead, Carew, Faye.

---

14:27

- Tweet us IMMEDIATELY if you have the faintest idea what ever happened to Des Lynam?

---

14:25

- Can you imagine being there when sliced bread became the norm. Did people realise the profound effect it would have on cliches? "This is brilliant, I'm going to compare everything that might be good to this in the future".

---

14:22

- Yeah, I forgot that he had a good game in 2007, he forgot that he left a Porche in an airport. None of you can judge me.

---

14:20

- This Pennant segment has actually been quite good. I was expecting to just see loads of close ups of his ankle tags while some gritty urban music played in the background. I'd also forgotten how good he was in that Champions League final.

---

14:16

- "Do you want to come with us and watch Blackpool vs Bolton, Adam?" - "No thanks guys, I want to get this blog started nice and early. Besides, that'll be a rubbish game anyway". It's just gone 4-3 to Blackpool and I'm sat looking at Gareth Southgate's gums.

---

14:14

- 1920s goal celebrations are fantastic aren't they. Both arms in the air, one slightly camp jump, then hugging. A golden age. I'm going to do that at my next Sunday league game and see just how badly I get muy head kicked in. Anyway, ITV haven't had any adverts for like 10 minutes now... oh, no, wait, here they are.

---

14:12

-

Townsend's Tactical Tit-bits

: "Nail Silva!". That's absolutely inspired Andy.

---

14:10

- First footage of Mancini there and he doesn't have a scarf. Adding further fuel to my "he lost his scarf" fire. Am I available as a private investigator you ask? Yes.

---

14:08

- Peter Reid showing himself up as someone who's never played Football Manager, everyone knows Balotelli is actually an AMRL as well as a ST *tut*

---

14:05

- So then, Tevez, Huth AND Etherington. That's every single player who probably wasn't going to make it starting. Quelle suprise.

---

14:04

- TEAM NEWS! You probably heard it here first as well -

Man City

- Hart, Richards, Kompany, Lescott, Kolarov, De Jong, Barry, Silva, Toure, Balotelli, Tevez.

Stoke City -

Sorensen, Wilkinson, Shawcross, Huth, Wilson, Pennant, Whelan, Delap, Etherington, Walters, Jones.

---

14:02

- Make your own joke time again, Peter Reid commenting on Pulis' "tight back door" and how, he doesn't like "anything getting through there"...

---

14:00

- Man City turning up half an hour late apparently... Bad luck, psychological masterstroke, or just MASSIVE divas? Mancini probably lost his scarf this morning, his wife told him it was "on the side". Chaos.

---

13:57 -

This Pulis segment feels a lot more like an appeal for information following his disappearance, rather than a history of his career...

---

13:56

- Contender for quote of the day already - "A sniff of glamour at Bournemouth".

---

13:54

- Let's face it, it wouldn't be ITV if we didn't see some utter wallys trying to dance...

---

13:50

- We wonder what

@dianainheaven

's memories are from being at that cup final? Did they let you sneak a hip flask in or did Gazza deliberately get injured so he could sneak off and feel you up in the changing room?

---

13:48

- It's 2011,

surely

we could have the leader of the brass band doing keepy-ups?

---

13:46

- Does anybody remember when the build up to the FA Cup final was about 6 hours long and still utterly captivating, and there was a special edition of Question of Sport and Live and Kicking the night and morning before? Sorry, I'll rephrase that. Does anybody remember when this was on the BBC?

---

13:44

- "They look like a team there" - Chilesism numero dos

---

13:41

- This Micah Richards segment would be greatly improved by him just going through the squad and just saying "Don't like him, overpriced, over-rated, he's alright, don't like him, waste of money". All of which probably apply to Lescott alone.

---

13:40

- I'm astonished, we're 40 minutes in and we've just had the first use of the term "long throw". Floodgates will be open for that now. For those of you who are new to this, Rory Delap, of Stoke, can throw a ball further than the moon.

---

13:38

- Peter Reid's career is famous for getting split in two in an FA Cup final and being the one man who could have stopped Maradona scoring *that* goal. I'm sure he's proud. I once met him at an awards night and he had beans slopped all over his top. True story.

---

13:36

- Oh, PANIC OVER GUYS. They've got Andy Townsed and old "monkeys' heed" in the studio now. I might as well not bother with this now, there's nothing I can say here that will compare to their poetic punditry.

---

13:34

- Have all us "neutrals" decided who we're supporting today? I imagine most people will be going for Stoke, as we love a good underdog story in this country. If you're going for Man City though, have you read your officially endorsed, bluffers guide to being a City supporter?

No, I'm serious.

---

13:29

- Brace yourself, they've got a ball from 1924 and a ball from 2011 to compare the two. Apparently they've changed in the last 80 or so years. But Adrien doesn't think that'll matter because modern goalie gloves are so "big and sticky". I'll let you make your own jokes there.

---

13:27

- Stoke got "done" two years in a row by Arsenal apparently. Safe to say they've made up for it in the last few seasons...

---

13:25

- They are glorifying this mans career of fouling and kicking his opponents. Cover your childrens' ears. Who is he anyway? My eyes rolled back into my head when I heard The Enemy song and I missed the introductions...

---

13:23

- Second box you tick off your bingo card, Chiles talking to the wrong camera twice in one segment...

---

13:22

- Apparently Tommy Sorensen has a very Scandinavian dress sense? Tweet us at @sabotagetimes and give us some PC suggestions for that on earth that might entail. My money's on a giant battle axe and an Abba hoodie.

---

13:21

- Be honest, if you found out Danny Higganbotham and Rory Delap had been created as a by-product of scientists messing around with the 0.1% genetic difference we have with chimps, you wouldn't bat an eye lid would you?

---

13:19 -

Very considerate of ITV to schedule their ad-breaks to be the exact length of time it takes me to run out side, smoke a cigarette and get back to my desk at Sabotage Towers. Cheers guys!

---

13:13

- For our younger viewers, Ricky Villa is not, in fact, David Villa's dad.

---

13:12

- You can tick the first box off your FA Cup final cliche bingo card, Chiles has just asked a foreigner if they know how very special this competition is. Goater respons in the affirmative. I often wonder if the FA Cup final is broadcast on whatever planet Adrian is from...

---

13:09

- First CLASSIC Chilesism "When a club gets money, you automatically assume that the fans will start driving Mazerattis as well, but they don't!"

---

13:07

- "Thats what's great about having two clubs who aren't regulars here, they've brought a lot of fan". Yes Gareth, lets not forget that time Man United and Chelsea contested the FA Cup in front of a crowd of 16 people...

---

13:05

- Who on earth are these clowns!?

---

13:03 -

As a Newcastle fan I can't wait for the inevitable showing of that Ronnie whats-his-face goal for Hereford for the 48th time this season. Never gets old. Ever.

---

13:02

- Chiles here, giving us his exceptional One Show style banter. I.e stating the bloody obvious like he's talking to a four-year old.

---

13:00 -

Are we taking any bets on what footballing heavyweights ITV will have appointed to nurse us through this? Southgate? Strachan? Savage? *shudder*

---

12:58

- Here we are folks. What was supposedly still the crowning jewel in the English footballing calendar is upon is. We have Stoke City, the unglamorous underdogs, taking on Man City, a team with more money than god. Real Roy of the Rovers stuff. Probably. Speaking of Rovers, Manchester United are at Blackburn right now, needing only a point to win and apparently donning Stoke replica shirts. See, it's infectious!

---

Click here for more FA Cup storiesClick here for more Football and Sport stories

Click here to follow Sabotage Times on Twitter

Click here to follow Sabotage Times on Facebook