A tricky opening month and no Champion's League adventure to relish this term. The Tottenham faithful will get through it all by belting out Barry Manilow show tunes and enjoying the performances of Harry's Brazilian Sandro.
Pre season: Good, bad or ugly?
Not great. There’s been some distinctly average performances out in South Africa for our pre-season tournament. But then pre-season is all about preparation rather than performance so not overly concerned. An excellent example of how little pre-season results mean was during Juande Ramos’ reign: We won every pre-season game, culminating in a 5-0 drubbing of Roma at White Hart Lane. Eight games later we were bottom on the league, having amassed a total of two points from eight league games, and had a new manager in Harry Redknapp.
Hopes for the season:
It’s very straightforward: to finish in the top four. But Tottenham can’t pay the transfer fees or wages that every other team above us can. This will mean that we have to over perform all season, and put teams like City, Utd and Arsenal to the sword when they come to White Hart Lane. It’s crucial, if we’re to finish top four, that we sign at least two strikers as well… good strikers. World class even. Whether we can actually accomplish that is another thing altogether.
Fears for the season:
We’ve got an extremely tricky opening month, some very tough games indeed. We could be in a false position that’s much lower than we’re likely to finish. Our fans, as fickle as they are, are likely to turn on Redknapp very quickly. If the board snap and fire him we could be in for a difficult season.
Absolute bare minimum you’ll accept:
A top six finish wouldn’t be a disaster. You can’t expect miracles.
Fixture you’re most looking forward to?
Arsenal at home.
Got the right manager?
Personally, no I don’t think so. I loathe Redknapp. He’s already disliked by a percentage of Spurs fans due to his outspoken nature and general disregard for Tottenham tradition. He’s jammed a wedge between himself and our support; he is obsessed with his own agenda and self preservation. Secretly I think he’s desperate for the England job. I hope he doesn’t get it and is eventually sacked by Spurs when we’re ready to dispose of him and I never have to see his face again. I’m probably in the minority on that.
By Christmas you’ll be…
Around 8th, although we’d have played the majority of our toughest fixtures by then.
Every Arsenal fan secretly wishes they were born Spurs.
Player you’d most like to sign?
Jimmy Bullard – he’s really funny and, if he was Brazilian or Croatian would probably be recognised as the best midfielder in the world. And Rickie Lambert – Southampton world-beater, never been given a chance in the top flight. Other Spurs fans would probably like us to be in for Fernando Lloronte of Athletico Bilbao, or Romelu Lukaku of Anderlecht.
Which player should we look out for?
Sandro. He’s a beast. A giant. And hard as f****. He’s the type of guy who’ll slap the sh*t out of you before you can even ask for seconds. Seriously, he’s an amazingly combative hard working midfielder who can tackle and play football. We paid around £8m to bring him over from Brazil. Barcelona or Real Madrid will be paying £40m for him in a summer or two.
Which player would you love to ditch?
Luka Modric. Has made it clear that he doesn’t want to play for Tottenham, and would rather play for a small London club with no fan base - but a rich owner - in Chelsea. I don’t want him. I don’t like him. I don’t need him disrespecting the glorious blue and white.
Opposition hate figure?
Samir Nasri. Disgusting weasel faced little mug. Arsene Wenger as well, but I’ve kind of grown fond of him since he’s started having throwing hissy fits like a little girl every other game.
Tell us something we don’t know about your club?
The term ‘Sick as a parrot’ was coined when Spurs were relegated after Arsenal cheated their way into the top division in 1919. A Parrot that was brought back from a tour of South America, and which lived at White Hart Lane, died on that the day it happened. Hence ‘Sick as a parrot’.
What won’t happen this season?
Jermaine Jenas won’t finally realise his potential as a top box-to-box midfielder.
Barry Manilow – I can’t smile without you
I can't smile without you,
I can’t smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing,
I'm finding it hard to do anything,
You see, I feel sad when you're sad,
I feel glad when you're glad,
If you only knew what I'm going through,
I just can't smile without you...
Where will you finish?
We’ll finish 6th.
Any other news?
Every Arsenal fan secretly wishes they were born Spurs. They hate themselves and their team, which is why they boo them every chance they get. They are envious of the passion Tottenham fans have, and, despite the success they’ve enjoyed over the past 15 years (minus the last six) all they want is a club they feel they belong to, rather than one that rips them off every chance it gets.
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