Tottenham Hotspur End Of Term Report: Wilshere Is A Torso On A Skateboard And Rio Can Tweet Off

Despite limping out of the Champions League places, it's been a pretty good season down at the Lane for Tottenham Hotspur fans...
Avatar:
Author:
Publish date:
Social count:
6
Despite limping out of the Champions League places, it's been a pretty good season down at the Lane for Tottenham Hotspur fans...

Despite limping out of the Champions League places, it's been a pretty good season down at the Lane for Tottenham Hotspur fans...

The ‘I f*cking love this game’ highlight of the season?

Inter at the Lane, AC away or Kaboul’s winner at the Emirates. Any came closer to the Rapture than Harold Camping ever managed. Or the manner of Birmingham’s win in the Carling Cup.

The season ticket shredding moment?

Few of those too. Taking a point each off West Ham and Blackpool all season is worth forgetting.

Moment that just about summed it all up?

You can never sum up a Tottenham Hotspur season in one moment, we’re too inconsistent. Perhaps Gomez’s sensational save off Charlie Adam’s penalty, only for him to lumber seconds later into Taylor-Fletcher, like Big Bird off Sesame Street, gifting another penalty for Adam to put away.

Got the right manager?

Yes.

Player of the season?

Luka Modric, by a mile. World class, he plays with the heart and b**locks of someone twice his size. Bale was never the same after coming back from injury, and Van der Vaart tailed off mid-season. Special mentions for Sandro (a serious prospect), Dawson and Gallas (our second-string, let us not forget) and Benny Assou-Ekotto (unsung).

Muppet of the season?

Sorry, Heurelho.

What would you change next term if you were the gaffer?

I’d clear out our so-called strikers, with the possible exception of Crouch, and buy some new ones. Like he should have done in January. And we need a new keeper.

I remember Wilshere scooting over the ref at the Lane, like a torso on a skateboard, trying to get someone sent off, and thinking, “What a c*nt”"

Which player would you like to sign?

It’s going to be tough for Tottenham Hotspur to sign the top names without Champions League football. I’ve said here before that I’d take Robbo back like a shot. And Adebayor will do for starters, look how he stuck those two away against us at the Bernabeu, while we failed to do the same the other end.

Best goal?

Bale v Stoke, when he somehow pulled that ball out of the air at head height with his left peg and stroked it into the far corner. Is it OK to use the word “balletic”?

Biggest t*sser?

I remember Wilshere scooting over the ref at the Lane, like a torso on a skateboard, trying to get someone sent off, and thinking, “What a c*nt”"

Player’s tweet of the season?

Don’t follow any tottenham Hotspur players, though I did come across this from Rio Ferdinand, concerning some sh*t competition of his: “Not only will u b chilling with us in my private box watching #USHER but the winner will b chauffeur driven to+from the show in a Bentley!!☺” I can’t imagine anything worse than watching Usher with Rio Ferdinand, having been chauffeured to the gig in a Bentley, than perhaps tag-teaming David Bentley with Usher and Rio Ferdinand.

Most inspired chant?

Has to be “Taxi for Maicon” still.

Best laugh you had all season?

Last day of the season at the Lane was pretty funny, watching the Brum fans stay up/go down/stay up/go down/stay up/go down.

How do you plan to get through the summer without football?

By m**turbating lavishly into my “There’s only one Keano” mug.

Any other news?

No.

Click here for more Tottenham Hotspur stories

Click here for more Football and Sport stories

Click here to follow Sabotage Times on Twitter

Click here to follow Sabotage Times on Facebook