From the Tottenham winger to El Diez himself, a rundown of 8 hugely one-footed players...
Considering Bale’s kith and kin are delighted just to have opposable thumbs it might be a little unfair to highlight his non-existent right foot, but the sheer number of times he drags a weak, scuffed shot rolling towards the corner flag you have to question if he ever practised with it at all during his adolescence. Probably too busy w***ing himself off on the tyre swing.
The man who inspired this list. Ladies and gentleman I give you Wayne Michael Bridge. No seriously, I’m giving him to you. Take him off Manchester City’s hands for f***s sake. He’s becoming our very own Winston Bogarde.
Bridge is the most one-footed player in the history of the game. Seeing him twist and contort into strange angles simply to avoid having to even touch the ball with his abortion of a right leg makes me weep for mankind. His weaker side is so redundant rumour is that Paul McCartney once enquired whether he was single.
And yet this imposter of a footballer, who permanently resembles a perplexed gargoyle, is dating a sexy pop star and picking up ninety grand a week. I think that sound I can hear is mankind weeping back at me.
Rustyballs wasn’t bad with his weaker left peg it has to be said but whilst deliveries with his right were always poised and balletic the few occasions he employed his other foot he swung it like a special needs kid wielding a club at the driving range.
In his career thus far the head-down, whir-of-legs speed merchant has amassed 235 professional appearances for both club and country. Which means that we are fast approaching the 250th occasion when an opposition manager has drilled home the mantra ‘show him inside’ to his full-back during his pre-match team-talk. Perhaps a cake should be presented to mark the occasion.
The next time you watch Chelsea note the sheer panic on Terry’s face as he’s hurried into knocking it back to Cech on his weaker right side.
Had a left foot like a traction engine and a right one like a handcar. From thirty yards out, with space to adjust, the burly Inter legend was deadly, capable of exploding an exocet missile into the far corner with his favoured limb. But if the ball whizzed across from the right you could expect a fluffed howler from the six-yard line every single time.
Time was when Inter had two supremely gifted one-foot wonders in the same side. Alongside Vieri El Chino ran riot in Serie A but was so reliant on his left peg he sometimes resembled Charlie Charlie-Charles from the Harry Enfield sketch where he glues the ball to one foot. Was still a glorious sight however, like a slimmed down poor-man’s Maradona. Current Inter hit-man Zarate isn’t fit to wear his one good boot.
Speaking of God it seems extreme folly to include arguably the most gifted player in the sport’s history on this list – in fact it’s almost sacrilegious to include him on any list that includes Wayne f***ing Bridge – but Diego was indeed a genuinely one-footed maestro. During his mazy run against England - a one-man massacre that consisted of twelve touches – not once does the ball even go even close to the chunky shank of ham that was his right leg.
Ambidexterity may not be as important for a keeper as for his team-mates but the next time you watch Chelsea note the sheer panic on Terry’s face as he’s hurried into knocking it back to Cech on his weaker right side. Then guffaw as the ball is spooned at a strange right-angle into the crowd.
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