Tuffers’ Twitter Tales

While the weather’s been miserable at Edgbaston, I’m glad that my #tufferstales Twitter competition, asking fans for their own funny cricket stories in a single tweet, brought a bit of sunshine. Here’s my top 10 and a selection from hundreds of others that made me titter. And I thought I was bad… !
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While the weather’s been miserable at Edgbaston, I’m glad that my #tufferstales Twitter competition, asking fans for their own funny cricket stories in a single tweet, brought a bit of sunshine. Here’s my top 10 and a selection from hundreds of others that made me titter. And I thought I was bad… !

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Tuffers' doodle: 'Can I borrow your brain I'm building an idiot' © Phil Tufnell

The 10 winners…

[Editor’s note: The tweets’ spelling and punctuation are entrants’ own]

Tom Bell @TomRBlike

Here in Oz, went to see a mates 20/20. the keepers goat was fielding at mid wicket tied to a pole.

Paul Freary @Thewhitepele83

lad cudn’t make gam because the rag and bone mans horse had died in his street and was blocking his car in

Tom Davies @tommyballack92

A castle by our pitch, olde tourney took place bowler ran in to a drumroll ball was hit for six as cannon went off

Stew @StewLucas

Once bowled an opening over with a scarecrow at second slip before batsman realised. Had to play remainder with 10 men

Rob Lisney @waltlisney

Playing next to a wedding reception middle aged female streaker accosts our keeper removed by unimpressed husband

Will Purser @purse_w

1st team debut at 14 against my dad, got him out ct behind not given, headline in local paper ‘my dad’s a cheat!’

Tom Smith @tomedsmith

School cricket. Realised we had no boxes for kids, only Tesco open at 7am. Ended up with car sponges and white pants. We lost.

Shirly Moose @shirlymoose

Had to remove a car on bricks from the square in Salford before play. Fielders shot at by air guns. We won

Alec Linsley @AlecLinsley

No 11 left his Sunday dinner in his bag after the last game of the season and forgot until the 1st game of the next one!

Andy Slee @aps280265

our opening batsman played against docs orders 1 week after vasectomy. Hit square in box second ball.

The best of the rest…

Wearside Jack @WearsideJack1

Joel Garners nutsack hit me in the forehead when I got in his way as he ran off the pitch after playing at jesmond in the 70s

Chris Townsend @fcc5206

old boy playing for us chasing towards the boundary as the batsmen come back for their sixth so he kicked it over

Jon Bird @jonopub

playing on a village green, play stopped while umpire had a row with traffic warden, still got ticket 5 overs lost

Tom Overton @Thomasfrombrum

took carpet from hotel in Rawalpindi England in world cup 1996. Took it to sit on in ground and nearly caused riot #prayermat

Chris Mumford @ChrisMumford99

After missing tea once I went out to umpire and accidentally threw a pork pie to the bowler instead of the new ball

Stephen Mellowes @stevie_mellowes

2nd’s short. Capt. ropes in neighbour to play. Old boy turns up 2 hours late was waiting for his racing pigeons to come home

David Green @davidgreen26

A young boy drafted in was at 3rd man. Ball to 3rd man, boy not there. He was in the hedge building a den!

Rhys Laverty @IfADoubleDecker

Lodged ball in air vent playing in church hall. Air con turns on Sunday morning, shoots out into congregation

Paul Ryan @paulrhino1975

at a game where the wkt was rolled tween innings by a car pullin a roller & toilets had a ‘no intravenous drugs’ sign

Jon Room @jonroom

shot short of boundary, dogs runs on, fielder too scared 2 get the ball, batsmen run 6, dog carries ball over, umps gives a 4!

Gerontius @Gerontius1

Needing one more wicket for promotion, ‘our’ umpire appealed and gave out their last batsman lbw!

Peter Finch @peterfinch46

Skipper in slips appealed for catch having heard leather on wood, ball had hit openers wooden leg, entire team collapsed in fits

Geraldine King @mammabear28

Just passed driving test went to see hubbie in match, game stopped as both teams watched my pathetic attempts to turn car round

Beardo @Beardo_

Malcolm Marshall opposition Pro! Sat in trees with tea lady’s pots & pans creating a Caribbean atmosphere

Ian Mote @ianinshanghai

Opening bat ran out first ball going for a second run. Out for a golden single!!

Jonny G Forrester @jonnyfez84

Overseas pro parked his new BMW behind sightscreen to avoid the ball only for the wind to blow screen onto the car

Flinty @chrisflint09

we had a side 9 down when a guy on a bike who stopped to watch padded up n batted, name in the book A. Cyclist

Duncan Brace @DuncanBrace

Fire stopped play when umpires discarded cigarette landed in non strikers old horse hair stuffed pads, minor burns

Luke Butler @butlabrown

Spin bowler asked to bowl around the wicket and the umpire turned and asked him ‘do you want to come inside me?’

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