West Ham Are Trying To Sign Nocerino & Boriello, Will Inevitably Fail Miserably
Ham-headed gloom-peddler 'Big' Sam Allardyce is looking to strengthen the glorified sieve that he calls West Ham United (and I call "that club that I support that now brings me nothing but despair") with the glamorous Serie A pair of Antonio Nocerino and Marco Borriello, according to SkySports.
Of course that will end inevitably badly as incredibly-handsome midfield man Nocerino, while not a regular first-teamer for AC Milan, will surely not want to roll up his impeccably-tailored shirtsleeves and join a relegation dog-fight which is looking poorer by the week. Borriello is perhaps slightly more likely, in the same way - I suppose - that being stabbed is probably better than being shot.
That the chunky Roma striker has some quality and an eye for goal is not in question, neither is the fact that his frame and strength make him almost perfect for West Ham's 'lump it and pray' strategy. The fact is that attracting the players of a necessary quality to help lift you out of the relegation swamp is nigh-on impossible, especially when you're a team that recently shipped five at the home of (admittedly two-time European Cup winners) Nottingham Forest.
I mean, I hope they do sign. I really do. I just know that they won't and the tease is so much worse.
Here's a great video of Nocerino being both great and handsome just to rub it in.
UPDATE: Well everyone is announcing that the beautiful Tony Nocerino is due to land in London later today to confirm his loan move to West Ham. They must not show Match Of The Day in Italy, I guess. I wouldn't hold my breath, though.