Wigan Athletic Half Term Report: We're Still Here Aren't We?!

The style of play might be clunky at times, the results are worse, but Wigan Athletic are still in The Premier League, let's just savour that for a moment...
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The style of play might be clunky at times, the results are worse, but Wigan Athletic are still in The Premier League, let's just savour that for a moment...

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Wigan Athletic Half Term Report: We're Still Here Aren't We?!

What’s going right?
Hey, we’re still here aren’t we? And it’s wonderful isn’t it? Richest league in the world, billions of pounds of talent and we get little pats on our back for our pretty football. What’s going right? It’ll soon be May and relief will come in one form or another.

What’s not?
Shipping too many goals, not taking chances up the other end, nothing like a settled team. Absolutely atrocious refereeing decisions every single week which are quickly glossed over by know it all pundits ‘Ho ho ho it’s only Wigan, they’d just get beat anyway’ – which is exactly the reason why the bigger clubs don’t need a helping hand from the starstruck fatties with the whistle.
And I know we get stick for our crowds but one home win all season isn’t exactly going to get them flocking in is it?

Got the right manager?
Yes I suppose. He’s still our Bob and for most of December seemed to be getting it right but he has more hard luck stories than Joey Barton and could find fluffy positives in a car accident. He’s either very good or very lucky given the depths of despair and then subsequent delight he takes up to but this year will be a biggest test of his Midas touch than ever

Star player?
Ali Al Habsi. He has been prone to the odd blunder but every game would finish 12-0 if it were not for his ten world class saves a game. He’s been brilliant. Mind you he’s had to be playing behind that defence.

Who would you like to sell in January?
No-one. We need all the players we’ve got plus possibly a couple more if we’re to stand a chance. Hopefully Callum McManaman will get a look in after arriving back from a loan spell at Blackpool and we may as well get that useless £6.5m waster Boselli back from Estudiantes. Why shouldn’t he suffer like the rest of us? The trouble is in the case of Rodallega and Diame that they can leave for free in the summer so any serious offer will be considered.

Ali Al Habsi. He has been prone to the odd blunder but every game would finish 12-0 if it were not for his ten world class saves a game.

Who do you want to sign?
A centre half, a centre forward and a natural attacking midfielder. Someone who can talk and get stuck in but not too aggressively as playing for us he’ll just get sent off every week and lead the team as well, they seem about as vocal as a bunch of clothes shop dummies at times as they let yet another centre forward waltz through our back four. To throw an ambitious one out of leftfield I’d maybe try and get Palacios back on loan if he’s not getting regular games at Stoke – outstanding in the middle of the park for us and probably not too far away from Bob’s style of play.

We’ve only been seriously linked with Mame Biram Diouf, Nicky Maynard and Jermaine Pennant. I’d rather have Cass Pennant. And Bill Gardener. “Good Evening Mister Bendtner – if you try to get past me tonight I will break your legs sann!!!!”

Best chant so far?
Chants are pants. Our East Stand kids have finally adopted that ‘wooooaaaaooo’ gubbins which has been doing the rounds in the lower leagues for the past 12 months. That’s about as innovative as it gets at the minute.

Best opposition player you’ve seen?
Based on what I’ve seen in the flesh this season it’s a toss up between Wes Hoolihan and David Silva. Now there’s a sentence I never thought I’d say.

Biggest **** of the season so far?
It’s whoever happens to have reffed us last. This week Mike Dean, last week Phil Dowd. To be honest, Phil Dowd should win the accolade because he’s received it from us many, many times before. Quite what he’s got against Wigan Athletic I don’t know but his sending off of Conor Sammon was farcical. Much the same challenge made by Bendtner on Watson last week for which Bendtner WON a free kick. From which Sunderland scored.

I may as well condense this to save the usual 18 paragraphs giving examples of injustice: all refs are bent and are under a directive to ensure little Wigan finally get relegated. Nothing to do with us being sh*t whatsoever.

End of season prediction?
I’m going for a Lancashire hat trick with the two B’s in the bottom three which will suit me fine. We’ll go and join Burnley and Blackpool and maybe even Preston in the Championship although they’ll have to change their name to Bamber Bridge to join our elite club. We’ll have local derbies galore where the football is competitive, cheaper and more frequent and maybe win more than a handful of games a season. Who am I kidding? We’ll stay up again. Somehow. How many points is it for a win again, I forget, eight isn’t it?

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