TV channel Gold tasked amateur comedians to come up with some modern and topical jokes for Christmas crackers this year, replacing the old faithfuls we all groan at around the table each year. We hope the irony of a TV channel who show relentless repeats of The Vicar of Dibley taking it upon themselves to spearhead modern comedy isn’t lost on anybody else.

Anyway here’s the best 10…

1. What will be missing from Take That’s Christmas stocking this year? An Orange.

2. How does Luis Suarez like his Christmas dinner? Bite-sized.

3. What do the royal family play at Christmas instead of musical chairs? Game Of Thrones.

4. What did the snowman say to the aggressive carrot? “Get out of my face”.

5. Why is Christmas a busy time for David Cameron? He’s got two parties to organise.

6. What’s the difference between Bono and Santa? Santa gives you things you want.

7. Why won’t Santa visit Nigel Farage? Because he only comes if you sleep, not if Ukip.

8. Why are snowmen rubbish at cricket? They’re always bowling snow-balls.

9. I got a Ukip advent calendar. It’s rubbish, all the doors keep slamming shut.

10. Why is The Great British Bake-Off like the nativity? Because the Star is in the Yeast.