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The 25 Best Margaret Thatcher Jokes

by Sabotage
25 December 2013 50 Comments

This went postal earlier in they year when she carked it. Why not drop a few of these in over dinner?

David Cameron has just sent his official letter to the Thatcher residence.
It starts, “I regret to inform you that due to recent events, you now have too many bedrooms…”

When I realised Margaret Thatcher was dead, I did a double fist pump and shouted, “F***ing brilliant!”
Everyone around me was disgusted, and looking back, I suppose it was out of order.
Especially as I was the first paramedic at the scene.

“There is no such thing as society” – Margaret Thatcher, 1988
“There is no such thing as Margaret Thatcher” – Society, 2013

Margaret Thatcher’s final wish was to be cremated.
Unfortunately, we’ve no coal left.

Plans have begun for Margaret Thatcher’s state funeral.
It’ll be the first time ever the 21 gun salute is fired into the coffin.

I’d jump for joy at Thatcher’s passing were it not for my fragile bones brought about by a lack of milk as a child.

April 2013 – Margaret Thatcher dies.
May 2013 – Hell privatised.

So we’ve had an Argentinian Pope for 2 weeks, and Margaret Thatcher dies.

I used to have a picture of Maggie Thatcher pinned up on my wall back in the 80s, she was always a great influence for me.
In fact if it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be the World Champion darts player I am today.

It’s been announced that Margaret Thatcher will have a state funeral. The former PM is to be buried at the bottom of a man made lake.
Or at least she will be once we’ve finished p**sing on her grave.

Just seen the plans for Margaret Thatcher’s grave.
Beautiful really, but I think they should have made the dancefloor bigger.

Mrs Thatcher arrives at Hell and is greeted by Jimmy Savile who says to her “Now then, you’re here for screwing minors too?”

The Evil Dead set to make a comeback at the end of this month.
Just when we all thought the old hag was finally gone…

Margaret Thatcher has passed away.
My thoughts are with Satan and the denizens of Hell at this most difficult and trying time for them.

The BBC’s report mentioned that Thatcher had dementia and was unable to remember many of her great achievements.
Funny, I couldn’t remember any either.

So, Maggie Thatcher has died.
Allow me to be the first to extend my hand to her family at this difficult time…
…and then slowly raise my middle finger.

The death of Thatcher has come at a bad time for Britain.
We still haven’t replaced the fireworks we used at the Olympics yet.

Doctors tonight have described Baroness Thatcher’s condition as “Satisfactory”.

If we keep milking these Margaret Thatcher jokes they’re gonna get taken away.

David Cameron says we have lost ‘a great leader, a great prime minister and a great Briton’.
Who did Thatcher take with her?

My mum says only speak good of the dead.
Thatcher is dead.

With the news of Margaret Thatcher’s passing, I’m looking forward to hearing about who found all the Horcruxes.

I went for an interview at a swim school this afternoon. They asked me what my favourite stroke was. Apparently “The one that killed Maggie Thatcher” wasn’t what they were after.

BREAKING NEWS: Atos declare Margaret Thatcher fit for work.

Mrs Thatcher won’t be cremated. The lady’s not for burning.

via @Sickipedia


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image descriptionCOMMENTS

you lot 10:14 pm, 10-Apr-2013

I hope the jokes are this funny when your grandmother dies.

dave maceroon 10:51 pm, 10-Apr-2013

A street in liverpool is going to be named after the late margaret thatcher. But it is going to be difficult to get the words "At last the bitch is finally dead - Road" on one sign. I'm really upset over the news margaret thatcher has died. I had a tenner on her popping her clogs next year! I will always remember where i was and what I was doing the day thatcher died - down the pub getting the drinks in. There is going to be a 21 gun salute at thatcher's funeral. Straight at the coffin - better safe than sorry. In death thatcher will be reunited with jimmy savile. Well they did both f**k the miners (or was it minors). Maragaret thatcher is dead. A good day to bury bad news. Why is thatcher like rolf harris. A generation of kids won't know their name. I just bought some of jimmy saviles old cigars off of ebay and now thatcher has died. Result!!! Not everyone is celebrating thatchers death. Some poor mortician is going to have to make her look vaguely human.

mr 4:46 am, 11-Apr-2013

I hope everyone making these jokes is plannin on voting in the next elections, then there might have been a point to it all

sean 8:29 am, 11-Apr-2013

@you lot.. my granny didnt ruin the lives of people & act in the same way as robert Mugabe

bw 9:28 am, 11-Apr-2013

Apparently within hours of arriving in hell she had shut down half the furnaces....

Hawks82 9:49 am, 11-Apr-2013

All this Thatcher bashing is pathetic and in incredibly bad taste. The country she inherited was in the fucking shitter. An embarrassment. The world had changed and Britain was being left behind (as was the US). Manufacturing in the UK would have died without Thatcher, the mines would have closed without Thatcher, privatisation would have happened without Thatcher. Only difference is that it would have happened a lot slower and would have left the UK further behind in the process. Market forces were the driver behind the collapse of our manufacturing industry and our union-centric manufacturing industry was largely responsible for our lack of competitiveness in the global arena. We build shit cars before Thatcher came into government, and the fact that we built shit, overpriced goods was the reason why we couldn't compete. The world was (and is) a free market economy, if your product isn't as good as your competitors, you will lose out - regardless of the politics at home. Under successive Labour governments in the 70's, Britain lost out. Under thatcher in the 80's Britain slowly got it's mojo back. Her job was a tough one, but she did it to the best of her ability. She made mistakes along the way - and her personality (read; courage of her convictions) didn't endear her to many - but I feel that the people that hated her the most were the ones she repeatedly outmaneuvered and proved wrong.Oh, and none of these jokes are funny either.

sean 9:57 am, 11-Apr-2013

Hawks82 you are a boring twat, cheer up man she as gone time to party.

Hawks82 10:10 am, 11-Apr-2013

Sean,if you're not going to say anything worthwhile at least make your comments comprehensible. You fucking mouth-breather.

sean 10:31 am, 11-Apr-2013

as a coal miner who is still working in south yorkshire i can honestly say there will be no tears of sorrow on wednesday for thatcher but plenty of smiling faces and relief that this evil woman as finally left this earth that she and her party as defaced,can she be buried under a dance floor in yorkshire so we can dance on and on and on......

Hawks82 11:07 am, 11-Apr-2013

Sean, if you could explain to me why coal miners hate Thatcher in a way that makes sense - I might be inclined to see your point of view...but I bet you can't.

Huw 11:17 am, 11-Apr-2013

These jokes are not funny - their disgusting. Actually the people making them are ten times worse than what they ever thought of Baroness Thatcher. I agree with "you lot" when she says that I hope they are as funny when your Grandmother dies. In fact, I hope people parade in front of your Grandmothers funeral car with banners that read "rot in hell bitch" while celebrating with bottles of cava and telling similar jokes. No thought of Carol or Mark Thatcher who have to listen to this bullshit! I'm from a Welsh mining community! I am glad that Thatcher did away with the mines. Do you know why? Not only were they making a substantial loss to the nation, they caused countless deaths and psychological trauma to those working in them. My Grandfather died as a direct result of silicosis from working down the mines. The deaths and mining disasters caused destruction and psychological distress for those who worked in them and I'm glad I never have to see my Grandfather walking up the stress with a sack of coal strapped to his back. Margaret Thatcher's actions for both of those reasons, should be commended in my view!

sean 11:28 am, 11-Apr-2013

Hawkes82, the reasons miners hate Thatcher.1-she destroyed many small villages and towns that through her mine closure program.2-the tory's never invested and funds into the ghost towns that she left.3- the only reason for closing the majority of the mines was to break the unions and repay the defeat of Edward Heath in the 70's.4-we are left now with high fuel prices through having to import expensive coal from all over the world when we sit on a land built on coal.

Hawks82 11:41 am, 11-Apr-2013

Sean: 1: The mines would have closed with or without Thatcher. They lost money. 2: Unfortunate side -effect of a free market. Adapt or die. It's the same the world over. 3: Breaking the unions was necessary, they were crippling the country. In the late 1970's a union-led British manufacturing industry was 'proudly' churning out the Austin Princess whilst Germany was busy developing the Audi quattro. 4: Importing coal is cheaper than propping up an inefficient industry. And our fuel prices have little to do with coal and everything to do with oil.I understand why mining communities were/are angry, but it's an anger based on the delusion that politics had anything to do with the demise of the industry and the communities it supported.

sean 12:00 pm, 11-Apr-2013

Hawkes82,i think you will find that most power stations are coal and gas and not oil as you have stated, and to say we where churning out the Austin Princess whilst the Germans made better cars is a joke the unions did not design the cars that was done by supposedly educated people who after the heavy industry had gone are now working on the new Audi,the working class will always be the fall guys, got to go now got some coal to cut . Regards from one of the last working miers in the UK.

jim 12:22 pm, 11-Apr-2013

Huw - How's this for a thought for Mark Thatcher: I hope you're next, you horribly arms-dealing coup organising posh toerag?

Driver67 12:36 pm, 11-Apr-2013

'Clearly Labour Isn't Working' - Tory poster 1979 - 1.5million unemployed. 1982, 3.23million unemployed. Mmmm!

Hawks82 12:56 pm, 11-Apr-2013

Sean - I'll take your point about coal and fuel prices. Misinformed comment on my behalf. However, The Austin/Audi comparison stands because it addresses the accusation that Thatcher took our manufacturing jobs - she didn't. The market took our manufacturing jobs because what we produced was not good enough to compete.Thatcher realised this and developed the service economy, in which the UK is now a world leader.

jim 1:20 pm, 11-Apr-2013

You Lot, Neither of my Grandmothers were war criminals, supported apartheid or were friends of dictators

James 1:56 pm, 11-Apr-2013

Why did people like working down mines anyway? Sounds horrible. I'd much rather sit in a warm call center. I'd be thanking Thatcher if I were a Northerner.

Huw 3:33 pm, 11-Apr-2013

Jim - It's a shame you not only advocate violence and stoop to unprecedented new levels of hatred - You also have no thought or sympathy whatsoever for grieving Families or the destruction and trauma that institutions like the mines created. Yet because you hate Thatcher more than humanity itself, you are happy to forgo real and important daily issues in favour of demonising and vindicating Thatcher. That's not a personal success, that's just ridiculous!

Pete 7:25 pm, 11-Apr-2013

Somewhere on the internet, presumably, there is a page of Jimmy Saville jokes, followed by comments from Jimmy Saville supporters.

john kavanagh 3:26 am, 12-Apr-2013 all we have to do is take the offshores to fix the economy...thanks for all the laughs you crazy harpie....say hi to joe Meek woncha? Byee.....ding dong...six months fer slappin yer arse gal?? kiddin,just take mr rotten with you, be a dear....(bloody viking thing....yknow what the eu regs are like. You have to have a dog, maam. wiv a permit. Let you 'ave 'im cheap. Honest guvnor??lol. bye..what a double act though....thatcher and rotten...awww

Jay 9:07 am, 12-Apr-2013

Ding dong the witch is dead! I for one am so glad she has gone. Yes she did some good but those of you that only look at the good are deluding yourselves. No politician is all good and what maggie did was champion the cause of selfishness. She would do good such as allowing people in council houses to buy their own homes at a reduced cost. We bought our own home thinking the local council wil pour the money made back into social housing but we were deluded. The money the gevorment made from the sale of coucil houses went into the goverment coffers. This ment that less social housing was available for the poorer parts of society. Good thing? For some but it screwed over others. Typical of Thatcherism a lot of nice ideas on the surface but long term bad results when implimented.

Fred57 11:06 am, 12-Apr-2013

Hawks82 said '... if you could explain to me why coal miners hate Thatcher in a way that makes sense - I might be inclined to see your point of view...but I bet you can't....' How about the fact that she stole from our wives and kids? Miners themselves couldn't claim benefits when on strike, but their wives and kids were entitled to a pittance of around £8 per week. Even though it was a known fact that miners didn't receive strike pay Thatcher had £15 per week deducted from the benefit paid to women and kids. Three months into the strike the government sequestrated the miners funds. For the following nine months they STILL took strike pay from the women and kids, even though they held the funds. Add that to the fact that she used her own private army to run roughshod over the mining communities, the media to tell lies and advertising agencies to deliver her lying propaganda and THEN you may get a small idea of why she was so hated.

scarabus 6:32 pm, 12-Apr-2013

Maggie thatcher has gone to hell Satan retires

Martin 9:36 pm, 12-Apr-2013

She's already forming the cabinet from hell but has been warned - "three strikes and your out "

sean 10:00 pm, 12-Apr-2013

in the cold light of day after the passing of thatcher most people can see that good or bad what ever you think of this woman she deserves respect and to be treated like every one else .(but her family should pay for her funeral just like every one else as to do)

kevin hamilton 2:37 am, 13-Apr-2013

jimmy saVile saw thatcher in hell and she said to him 'im here for shafting miners' to which saVile replied 'me too'

bby 8:52 pm, 13-Apr-2013

Maggie is where she belongs its not her familys fault but simply her own so hell has closed. And she is burning

Nels 1:03 am, 15-Apr-2013

She was as evil as her best friend Reagan. I'm thrilled they both suffered from dementia for a good portion of their miserable lives. A very fitting end for 2 despicable people.

Harry Paterson 11:18 am, 17-Apr-2013

Fred57, spot-on, fella. What the Thatcher apologists don't realise (or refuse to accept) is that we produced the cheapest deep-mined cola anywhere in Europe and the market was deliberately and artificially rigged here in the UK to make our coal *appear* more expensive. All part of the 'Ridley Plan' to crush the NUM. In its role as the most militant and class conscious trade union at the time, it presented a serious obstacle to Thatcher's plans to wipe out effective trade unionism and stablish a nation of economic serfs, all the better to enrich the wealthy still further. Of course, feel free to dismiss me as a raving commie but please do so *after* you've read Lord Wakeham and Nic Ridley's accounts of the period where they shamelessly admit this very thing. The miners' strike, for the Tories, had absolutely nothing to do with profitably or lack of and everything to do with class spite and a determination that never again could a trade union wield the power to see a Tory PM evicted from office. It was class war, pure and simple and again; don't take my word for it, read the diaries and memoirs form the key Tory strategists at the time.

Harry Paterson 11:19 am, 17-Apr-2013

'cola'??? Fecking 'phone. Sorry.

aac2446 5:08 pm, 17-Apr-2013

It doesn't really matter whether an evil old demented hag has gone, does it? But why not make jokes and laugh? Probably because laughter is the best medicine for her kind of poison. What I would like to know is how a greengrocer's daughter managed to die a multi-millionairess, and why we are paying for her funeral when her estate could pay for it. Talk about adding insult to injury!

Juan 9:04 pm, 17-Apr-2013

so many jokes, so much hatred, so much opinion. so few voters. Party and make jokes all you want - it's the most pointless answer to Thatcher's 'legacy' - the left have never been able to mobilise to 'fix' the problems left by Thatcher - instead choosing to just carp and moan

Juan 9:13 pm, 17-Apr-2013

"laughter is the best medicine for her kind of poison" Really? how about voting? volunteering with charities, lobbies and action groups etc.? working with your council to rebuild your community? sticking 2 fingers up at her by buying your council house? finding another trade? I guess not - that might be too much effort. oh, and as for Thatcher being a war criminal, there's an argument that Winston Churchill could be considered one. He was also a massive racist. too often we get carried away with the media caricature of the person - Thatcher was as much a demon as Churchill was a saint

Bertie 9:21 pm, 18-Apr-2013

Hey you lot! Just for the record, if i had a granny like her i would have killed her years ago. Grow up and get a life which should be a better one now with the witch dead and gone!!

Jan 10:27 pm, 18-Apr-2013

What was really funny was seeing those who turned their backs on her funeral cortege looking like toddlers who had been sent to the Naughty Corner and made to look at the wall by Nanny Thatcher.

Timbo 10:44 pm, 18-Apr-2013

I hear Rod Stewart was at Lady Thatchers funeral. Apparantly he staggered up to her coffin, and started singing. 'Wake up, Maggie, I think I've got something to say to you.'

Lemuro 10:04 am, 23-Apr-2013

There was some upset at Margaret Thatchers funeral when the decorations were being prepared. More specifically over the drawing pins used to put them up. The upset was caused because a cheap Polish imported brand was used, people said the organisers should have supported British buisnesses. Apparently some people were so upset they threatenned to go on hunger strike. I thought we'd seen the end of the Pole Tacks Diets.

Jack 4:58 pm, 23-Apr-2013

Funniily enough, the "milk taken away" one is actually funny JUST BECAUSE milk, in fact, DOES make our bones weaker, not stronger. Calcium is there in milk, correct, but it is NOT absorbable by our body and this is that little fact that both doctors and diary producers won't admit. So wake up, people! :-)

ronan mc veigh 3:05 pm, 24-Apr-2013

magggie thathe rust in hell you fucking stuipted bitch

Ismael 7:27 pm, 16-May-2013

Seems like you took most of these jokes from Nice to see you credited it!

Ishmael, son of Abraham and Sarah 5:15 pm, 27-May-2013

Hawks82. Margaret thatcher was a total twat and a complete bitch. She destroyed all mining communities and made 6 million unemployed. You are just blinded by your snooty, prod nosed tory beliefs because you are a rich inheritor. TWAT

Ishmael, son of Abraham and Sarah 5:17 pm, 27-May-2013

Anyone who likes Margaret thatcher is an idiotic tory who is blinded because they are a rich toff who just inherit everything and have never been in the real world. Just like david cameron

Errol Musk 2:29 pm, 13-Jun-2013

"Elon Musk Dares To Have A Political Opinion On Twitter" Stop receiving notifications about this conversation Unfollow MarkusRoder liked your comment Mrs Thatcher and Ronald Reagan lead the West in ridding us ALL of the Hell of the Soviet Union and at the same time gave the hundreds of millions of people who lived under that Hell in the Soviet Union a chance to have a life as we know it in the West, where lefties and righties and the rest are tolerated and not executed. This was what Mrs Thatcher did for the West. For the UK she restored a disgusting economy to prosperity and gave the British a chance to not only feel proud but more importantly to be able to compete with the likes of Germany once again, something they had forgotten how to do in the marshy morass of the previous Labor government The threat of the Soviet Union in Africa gone, places like South Africa could dismantle Apartheid, which is what South Africa did immediately that threat was gone. So thanks to her for that too. So as you sit in the comfort of places like the USA, with plenty of food, homes and the rest, protected from all around you and even protected from yourself, think about this. Go to comment If you want to change your notification settings, please login to your account and select the notification settings page. If you would like to unsubscribe from this conversation you can always re-subscribe later in your account settings or from the comment stream. A robot sent this email, so please don't reply to it and visit us at our contact page to get in touch with a human instead.

Errol Musk 2:32 pm, 13-Jun-2013

Mrs Thatcher and Ronald Reagan lead the West in ridding us ALL of the Hell of the Soviet Union and at the same time gave the hundreds of millions of people who lived under that Hell in the Soviet Union a chance to have a life as we know it in the West, where lefties and righties and the rest are tolerated and not executed. This was what Mrs Thatcher did for the West. For the UK she restored a disgusting economy to prosperity and gave the British a chance to not only feel proud but more importantly to be able to compete with the likes of Germany once again, something they had forgotten how to do in the marshy morass of the previous Labor government The threat of the Soviet Union in Africa gone, places like South Africa could dismantle Apartheid, which is what South Africa did immediately that threat was gone. So thanks to her for that too. So as you sit in the comfort of places like the USA, with plenty of food, homes and the rest, protected from all around you and even protected from yourself, think about this.

Cynical Bastard 3:58 am, 25-Dec-2013

All tory cunts need shooting along with their apologists.

kingkerouac 1:10 pm, 28-Dec-2013

Hawks, this lie about a union dominated manufacturing base is bullshit. The crisis of the early seventies was caused by the price of oil in the middle-east going up and up. People struggled and some (a tiny majority), went on strike to improve their lot. The reaction to this? Close down all British heavy industry and leave us at the mercy of other countries' prices. Great economic planning, eh? The reason Germany (and Japan) at the time were the most successful economies was because they were forbidden from spending on nuclear deterrents, nuclear submarines and armies (Hello UK). Try and read some books from the period, rather than merely repeating the lie. By the way. The right have always been vermin. Again, check out some books on British history instead of repeating tabloid revisionism.

Faith Monahan 11:05 pm, 14-Jun-2014

Your quite a disgusting person. I hope we can make the same jokes about your death. They will be a lot funnier.

B. A Miner 2:03 pm, 22-Aug-2014

I have read some of these and well, i find Huws the most interesting, it does not even need discourse to analysis it. Glad mines are shut down because they brought death and destruction, 2 worrying points. 1) If miners health is so important, why they were so badly and violently treated in disputes, we all seen what the law did. 2) If dangerous and deadly work places should all be done away with, good by building sites good bye military etc. Apart from that the only people who where from Welsh mining villages were glad they were done away with, was those that were police, scabs or any one else but a miner. Yes they were dangerous places of work, but that was down the governments not doing enough to make them safer, during the times when governments were made on the industrial revolution, it was the miner who had to go down there with a shovel not a politician and a pen.

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