eBay Timewaster Has Ridiculously Funny Conversation With Seller

If you need a laugh, read this man's inbox...
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If you need a laugh, read this man's inbox...

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From: redfacedass
To: pete-j-phillips

Dear Peter Phillips,

I’ve been having a rough time at home, so I decided to get away and visit my long lost aunty in Macclesfield. On the way back from her place, I stopped off in rather nice pub called 'The Dolphin' on Windmill Street (are you familiar with it?). I was in need of something to steady my nerves as my aunty has become quite ill. One pint of ale soon led to another and then onto a rather nice brandy. Truth told- I soon felt quite boozie-woozie indeed!

I left the pub, but that wasn't the only thing I left, my jacket I did leave, and along with my jacket- my mobile phone, a Nokia 6280.

When I came back to get my jacket the phone wasn't there! Peter, do you know anything about this?

Regards

Fredrick Facedass

From: pete-j-phillips
To: redfacedass

Hi,

Why would I know anything about your phone being stolen? If it's been stolen then firstly it shouldn't have been left unattended or secondly should have been reported to the police.

If your suggesting the phone I’m selling is yours how the hell would I have nicked your charger, handsfree kit, box etc too and also I have a genuine receipt for when I bought it with the IMEI number on it???

You really need to have a think about what you are writing before you send it, look at my feedback- do I look like a dodgy person that goes around nicking mobile phones?

Regards Pete

From: redfacedass
To: pete-j-phillips

Dear Peter,

Firstly, you are of course right, I should never have left my phone unattended. I was squiffy at the time- hence my judgment wasn't at its best. Secondly- I did report this theft to the police who, to no surprise, were rather unhelpful. They did however point me in the direction of these shops that specialise in selling stolen goods, like 'Cash Convertors' for example. I tried looking in these stolen goods shops to no avail, and decided to widen the 'net' as it were to eBay, at which point I came across you.

In answer to your question about how you had managed to get hold of my hands-free kit, charger, box, receipt etc? It really would have been rather easy for you, as all of these items were kept with my phone in my jacket.

You are right though Peter, I have looked closely at your very impressive feedback and some of the things you have bought (I liked the trousers you purchased in Sept by the way), and I MUST admit, you do not seem like a dodgy person at all.

So, Peter just to eliminate you from my search once and for all, may I ask you one question-are you blonde?

Kindest Regards
Fredrick Facedass

From: pete-j-phillips
To: redfacedass

You carry a phone, charger, box and receipt in your jacket? Do you have some XXXL size jacket then?

If your phone is stolen get a crime ref number from the police and claim on your insurance, if you’re not insured then it's your loss on this occasion.

What would hair colour have to do with your search for a mobile phone?

Regards Pete

From: redfacedass
To: pete-j-phillips

My dearest Peter,

Yes! I do indeed carry those items in my jacket. I wear a rather large shooting jacket which can hold many things; including a hip flask, diary, address book, calendar, compass, AAA road atlas, a phone book (which I was told by some big shot was useless as the numbers could be easily stored on a mobile phone. Luckily I ignored this advice as it has proved most useful ever since the crime in question), Nik Naks and seedless grapes (I hate seeded grapes). Think you will agree that it is quite the coat!

I am not insured. Insurance is by-product of pessimism.

A polish barmaid in 'The Dolphin', her name I forget, but whose mammaries will hold heavy in my mind forever, saw a young man with blonde hair leave the pub most abruptly. This man bought nothing and was seen near my coat at precisely the moment we believe the theft to have taken place. This is why I need to know the colour of your hair in order to eliminate you from my future investigations.

Kindest Regards

Fredrick Facedass

From: redfacedass
To: pete-j-phillips

Peter,

I don't think you fully understand the severity of the situation at hand. A mobile phone has been stolen.

I will stop at nothing until I have successfully recovered my phone, therefore I must follow any leads I have until their path runs dry. Unfortunately for yourself, the path upon which you stand is completely sodden.

I see you got your buyer, a 'Mr John John 1234' with the winning bid of £54 (congrats on this windfall, btw) I have analysed his recent purchases and very interestingly he seems to have bought a different phone only last week, this leads me to believe that he is a phone dealer of some description, perhaps specialising in phones of the stolen variety?

My next port of call is to contact 'Mr John John 1234' to see if he can shed any light on the situation. That is unless you can confirm (I will require a photo) that you are not a blonde man or you can provide me with a suitable alibi for the 17th May between 4.27pm and 4.31pm, when this atrocity took place.

I look forward to your very swift response

Fredrick Facedass

From: pete-j-phillips
To: redfacedass

You really are messed up in the head I did NOT steal your phone! I was at work on the 17th May at the time stated in Macclesfield. No I am not blonde in hair colour.

Here is a copy of my emailed receipt:

This email confirms the order you have placed online. REF NO.- MF818289
1x sim free mobile phone- Nokia 6280 @269.95 GBP
Shipping method: Royal Mail Special Delivery. Shipping cost £5.00 GBP Total: 274.95 GBP

To track the status of your order you can login to ********.co.uk Thank you for shopping at ********.co.uk

I bought this phone NEW on ********.co.uk please DO contact them with my reference number to check I did buy it from them if you don't believe me.

Thanks Peter

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