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The Best Margaret Thatcher Jokes on Twitter

by Sabotage
8 April 2013 64 Comments

Thatcher is dead. Twitter is a cesspit of outrage, gloating and idiots who don't know who she was. But don't worry, because we've got the funniest tweets about Thatchers demise...

So Thatcher has finally kicked the bucket and it’s safe to say that in the Twitterverse there are very few words of condolence. The Iron Lady or the woman who butchered the working class? Either way you feel about her, the jokes below are hilarious.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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WOODHEAP 2:04 pm, 8-Apr-2013

She dies from a stroke of luck.

Antony Sendall 2:14 pm, 8-Apr-2013

The lady's not returning... The Iron Lady, may she rust in peace...

WOODHEAP 2:17 pm, 8-Apr-2013

Well that's a little ambiguous really. She's lucky it wasn't my 7 iron.

WOODHEAP 2:28 pm, 8-Apr-2013

They say she dies during the night. But day came in a close second.

Jimmy James Jameson 2:38 pm, 8-Apr-2013

Rot in hell cunt.... not really a twitter pun, but still from the heart.

Dom G 2:47 pm, 8-Apr-2013

ATOS have passed her fit for work.

Russ 3:20 pm, 8-Apr-2013

The lady's not for burning

James P 3:22 pm, 8-Apr-2013

No twitter pun here just me smug having the best birthday ever now

Mark Wain 3:29 pm, 8-Apr-2013

*FULL VERSION!!!!* "I fought on. I fought to win". By Mark "Wainy" Wain... "Baroness Thatcher's strength belied her 87 years. She was as strong as a Bear & quick as a Puma, like a sort of "anti-Bravestarr" character, but on this day, Wainy was not to be defeated. Still smarting from his "no-contest" with Chuck Norris, the big Seaforth native had only one thing on his mind... Annihilation. The Baroness leapt from her throne made of children's skulls, ironically weakened through lack of calcium due to the lady's withdrawal of free school milk. "Watch as I bring you to your knees working class oaf" she roared, swinging a roundhouse at Wainy's head. His cat like reactions needed to be at their utmost, as he ducked her incoming size 15. "You saucy bitch" he said with a wry smile, "I knew you could still go, your "dementia" never fooled me". Thatcher leapt into the air, hanging for what seemed like an age, before flicking out her left foot at breakneck speed. Wainy ducked, but it was all a ploy. The quick thinking Iron Lady came down hard with both feet on the back of his head. "Double foot-stomp? Someone's been practising", chuckled the Fat Psycho, fighting out of Brighton-le-Sands. "One knows more than one might expe"...POW!!!!! Wainy landed a massive elbow to the ginger witches face, her eyebrow exploding like an offal filled water balloon. "Don't forget who you're fucking with here princess. I'll beat you so bad, Mark & Carol will feel it". "You abominable Northern Twat"!!! Screamed Thatcher, flying at Camp and Furnace's resident strong man, her arms outstretched, claws fully extended. Wainy's cat like reactions where called into action once again, as he gripped both of her wrists. Jamming his left foot into her Solar Plexus, he fell back, monkey flipping her into the wall of her throne room. She hit hard, plaster tumbling onto the hardwood floor below. Her framed oil painting of her riding an A-Bomb into the north of England shook on the wall. Wainy charged, aiming a flying knee at the former PM's face, she moved out the way just in time, the big man's knee hitting the wall hard. Still groggy from the collision, the Baroness grabbed her marble bust of actor Macaulay Culkin, & threw it with the might of a thousand men at the bearded one, connecting with laser like accuracy to his groin area. A few seconds of sheer terror passed... It had connected. Left bollock. A dull ache, much worst than child birth, spread through his lower abdomen, momentarily paralyzing him, this was all the Iron Lady needed. Quick as a flash she was on him like a Birkenhead tramp on dropped chips. Slashing & clawing at his face with her talon like hands, his blood splattered everywhere, a drop landing in her open mouth, & just like that, she had the taste for it. She flipped him over onto his stomach & gripped him by the wrists. "It's Kerb Stomp time minimum wage scum" she spat through gritted teeth, planting her foot on his head & neck. She pulled up with her strong arms, before slamming down hard with her foot. His perfect teeth shattered on the hardwood floor, breaking his nose in the process. She raised him up & slammed him down again, his face crunching into the floor. "One more time you podgy Northern Cunt" she hissed, her lady like exterior briefly waning. She pulled him up harder & further than before, "TASTE. MY. FLOOR. PLEB"!!! She screamed, but out of nowhere, Wainy regained his senses. A quick twist of the hips, & his Martial Arts background paid off, as he stretched his legs into the splits, a trick reserved usually only for dancefloors around the city. Twisting his hips back he flung the Iron Lady into her throne of skulls, it shattered under the force of her impact. He was on his feet in an instant, the adrenaline pumping through his veins. "Let's finish this you savage Cunt" he roared in his booming voice. Charging at her crumpled body, he kicked her hard in the stomach. Her body took flight through the air, landing on top of her mantlepiece. On her in a flash, he gripped her by the ankles & swung her round, smashing furniture with her broken body, before launching her into her 60 inch LCD TV. "Why have old people always got boss telly's"? He wondered. As he stood over her stricken body, he had an idea. Summoning the strength of the Gods, he rammed his hand into her chest cavity... Nothing. It was empty. The Iron Lady literally didn't have a heart. "Fuck me" he proclaimed, only partly shocked. Suddenly, Thatcher's gnarled hand reached up & gripped him round the throat, attempting to squeeze the life out of him. However, the lady, still weakened from her ordeal was no match for his awesome power & Krav Maga traning. Hooking her hands away with his wrists, he ripped of her right arm. A brief moment of clarity hit, & the Scouse Pitbull realised something... "Shit! I'm gonna need to make this look like natural causes..." His eyes surveyed the room, & he spotted the poker in the roaring fire. Burning a hole in her skull, his plan was underway. He stitched her arm back on, using hidden threads to connect it to her face. Pulling tightly, the right size of her evil face was dragged down. Another bit of fancy stitching, & her arm was stuck to her side. The lady was dead. A Stroke...

Tony Harrop 4:03 pm, 8-Apr-2013

Thank you for putting the Great back in Britain - RIP

VK 9:04 pm, 8-Apr-2013

Ding dong the witch is dead!

Dad 9:43 pm, 8-Apr-2013

I hope that You and your Lackies all the puppets You had on Your cabinet living and already dead all burn in unfathomable agony in the deepest darkest dungeons of of HELL for all eternity

Aussie pride 12:03 am, 9-Apr-2013

Marggs aussie visa got knocked back... Shock horror stroke

Ronnie 1:09 am, 9-Apr-2013

She has a warm seat next to the fire tonight . Bitch

lorenzo 3:34 am, 9-Apr-2013

lets renationalise her corpse,hey she's getting a state funeral,lets stuff her and put her in the scary ride at alton towers

yesbitch yes 3:43 am, 9-Apr-2013

Yes yes yes fap fap fap she's dead fap arrrrrrgh i'm gon gon-na cum arrrrr arrrrr ARRRRRRRRR SPURT SPURT SPURT SPURT

She's a bitch 4:03 am, 9-Apr-2013

Stupid bitch had it coming

Stuartp 6:06 am, 9-Apr-2013

I'll be collecting as many commemorative newspapers as I can today. And cutting out the pictures. The chance to wipe my @r5e on the witches face is just overwhelming.

Jimmy 6:46 am, 9-Apr-2013

The Lady's not For Re-Turning

patsy mcverry 10:16 am, 9-Apr-2013

IRA oge la naHerron

Andy Cook 12:11 pm, 9-Apr-2013

Within hours of being in hell she has sold off three furnaces, closed down the sulphur mines and stopped the milk for the demon kids. Rot in hell thatcher, you destroyed millions of lives.

Scouserjonese 12:41 pm, 9-Apr-2013

Made up that bitch is dead no more Iron Lady .... Just a roting away slut oh well she's getting gangbanged in hell nw so it's all good Fuk thatcher

Ben 1:11 pm, 9-Apr-2013

I have just seen the plans for Margaret Thatcher's grave. Beautiful really, but I think they should have made the dance floor bigger.

Ben 1:13 pm, 9-Apr-2013

Official reports are coming in that lady Thatcher is the target of pranksters at HOAX.COM they claim she has died. To prove their point Downing street have issued a statement from the DWP stating ATOS have assessed her fit for work

Think Tank 1:47 pm, 9-Apr-2013

People think just because these companies were nationalised they were invincible to redundancy. If you’re business is shit and you aren’t making money, why should the tax payer bail you out.

Sid Pun 4:06 pm, 9-Apr-2013

"Think Tank 1:47 pm, 9-Apr-2013 People think just because these companies were nationalised they were invincible to redundancy. If you’re business is shit and you aren’t making money, why should the tax payer bail you out." So why did we have to bail out the banksters after their mess? Thatcherism.. boom.. bust.. boom.. bust..

amanda 4:07 pm, 9-Apr-2013

Rot in hell vile creature!!! We the taxpayers will be sending you the bill for your completely unwarranted state funeral!!! Odious bitch!!!

dkr87 4:09 pm, 9-Apr-2013

Hmmmm....good point think tank. now back to thatcher - rot in hell you scumcunt slag.

Tess the Dog 4:33 pm, 9-Apr-2013

Mrs Thatchers final request was that see be cremated .........Sorry, no coal.

Mopster 6:16 pm, 9-Apr-2013

Great wish she felt the pain she dished out the grief death is to good for the cunt, I hopeshe is paraded on car bonnet while the public spit and piss all over her, Divided the nation made a greedy selfish generation the maker of the rat race war monger dictator, The UK's Stalin loved or despised by anyone with the ability to form an opinion via accurate perceptions. Happy death day you son a dog!May the rest of imperialist facists all die with her and her rotten legacy! Sadly hell prob wont exist and the bitch knew it!!!Application of totalitarian policies social engineering she destroyed the old Britain Churchill and the real conservatives loved bitch!

The Dark Side 7:19 pm, 9-Apr-2013

Really pleased she has gone, no nastyness just the knowledge she can't harm anyone now. Who knows she may be getting the pain she deserves most likely she's just dead though.

peter sugars 7:24 pm, 9-Apr-2013

All you wankers who don't know a thing about the Thatch, she put the Great back into Britain,

Noseypoke 7:41 pm, 9-Apr-2013

WHY have the public got to STUMP UP again,£8million to put put her away.Her own money and her gunrunning son should be paying,and I think she should not be having a near as dammit STATE FUNERAL, Even the Police are calling it "OPERATION TRUE BLUE" what a joke! See how much "JOE PUBLIC" loved Maggie by having NO SECURITY .Why not a Burial at sea...just throw her off the balcony of the Houses of Parliment,and while your at it throw Cameron after her. Joe Public paid thru the nose while she lived,now we are doing it when she's dead.Just heard this...... Jimmy Saville greets Thatcher at the Pearly Gates "What you up here for then?" asks Saville, "Shafting miners" she replies. "Me too" beams Saville.

denis 7:47 pm, 9-Apr-2013

I hope she doesn't believe in the afterlife,cause will prob meet bobby sands at the pearly gates

Lucy willis 8:35 pm, 9-Apr-2013

What have thatcher and savile have in common? They both fucked miners.

steve 11:27 pm, 9-Apr-2013

i hope you fester you evil bitch most people go to an old folks home (if they can afford it)the slag moves into the ritz for 2 years. tory cunt

Jim 11:45 pm, 9-Apr-2013

Finally, I get to wear my black suit and tap shoes together.

Jim 11:47 pm, 9-Apr-2013

I believe her funeral should be privatised: put out to tender with the lowest bid accepted. It's what she would have wanted.

Sambo 3:41 am, 10-Apr-2013

At the end of the day the slimey cunt will be fucked and bled by the small cocks hitler,bin laden and that new fucker from korea. Payback is a Bitch, ROT IN HELL ,by the way her son is a crim and she is guilty of war crimes,( the belgrano comes to mind.)

satan 8:48 am, 10-Apr-2013

breaking news from hell reports that Thatcher has already closed down 5 furnaces.

John 12:38 pm, 10-Apr-2013

I have been a lifelong atheist, but I'm now thinking of joining a church - the thought of thatcher screaming in agony for eternity, is too much to resist.

Ann 1:06 pm, 10-Apr-2013

Margaret Thatcher is dead: in 2 years' time hell will be privatised and sold to the Chinese.

yaaaaaaaaay 1:28 pm, 10-Apr-2013

yyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Avernice Day 1:34 pm, 10-Apr-2013

Who said Thatcher was going to He'll? She will go to Heaven. God will welcome her, till the Angels go on strike for better ( winging conditions). Working. Makes Jesus get married and have kids and then cut his benefits.. Puts Mary in a old folks home. God has to use all his life saving to pay for her stay there .. AND THAT'S ONLY THE FIRST WEEK. THATCHERS THERE

happy has punch 2:00 pm, 10-Apr-2013

party party party she should of gone years ago rot in hell.......

steve saywell 2:04 pm, 10-Apr-2013

Don't like to speak ill of the dead but I can't think of anything nice to say about her except sh'e dead

sanjoes J 3:19 pm, 10-Apr-2013

For all of those people wiping their butts with her news photos: Please be more christian and turn the other cheek.

nickademus 5:04 pm, 10-Apr-2013

The only Cow to take her back.

Brenzack 3:22 am, 11-Apr-2013

People should put bottles of milk all over her statue !!,!! Her favourite song was, 'I Don't Like Mondays' Hahahahah The Old Cow is dead. The demented bitch lived at the Ritz cos she thought she as 59 and had to avoid the bedroom tax !!

David Carr 5:28 am, 11-Apr-2013

Arise ye workers from your slumbers....

Lucy willis 8:19 am, 11-Apr-2013

Somewhere thatchers in hell, being waterboarded in milk.

Peter Chesterfield 7:45 pm, 11-Apr-2013

Your comments make me ashamed to be British,looks like Britain is just a nation of disrespectful disgraced people,,,try working instead of claiming benefits,get off your arses and get jobs there are plenty there,,,Long live Jeremy Kyle

Colin 10:50 pm, 11-Apr-2013

I would like to see a group of ex miners sing ding dong for a charity lets make it number 1 nation

george 9:57 pm, 12-Apr-2013

At the funeral there will be a gun salute fired from the Tower of London. So pleased Oscar Postorious could make it. Even more pleased that I couldn,t

SBW 4:56 pm, 13-Apr-2013

We're paying for her funeral @hollowlaugh

george 9:34 am, 14-Apr-2013

The BBC have reached a compromise on Ding Dong the Witch is Dead. They will play it backwards in the same way they reversed the film footage at Orgreave during the miners strike

M. Godfrey 12:53 pm, 14-Apr-2013

There are some really ignorant and supid people out there. Maggie was in favour of ordinary working people, she hated the rich, silver spooned toffs. Well done Maggie for giving us ordinary folk a chance to share in the countries wealth. God bless you.

Voodoo 10:25 pm, 14-Apr-2013

Bitch, Rot In Hell

Voodoo 10:32 pm, 14-Apr-2013

ROT IN HELL

Patriot 8:24 am, 19-Apr-2013

Stupid Brits

Jonno 4:17 pm, 24-Apr-2013

Most of the numbnuts commenting didnt know she was till they started following twitter comments and jumped on the bandwagon. Festering worthless tossers are probably the same turds who joined in the looting riots etc, contribute fun all to society then winge when the silver spoon gets taken away. Same shower of shite who will have forgotten last government and vote in milliband & balls up. God help us where the fuck is my passport.

deanpurple 2:48 pm, 18-Jun-2013

I hear time passes differently in Hell, if that's so she may have been suffering now for centuries.

deanpurple 2:50 pm, 18-Jun-2013

D.R.I.P. BITCH! (DON'T REST IN PEACE)

unclekeith 2:33 pm, 4-Sep-2013

My worst fear....did anyone think to drive a stake through her dessicated chest, pour salt in her mouth and sew her lips shut, and finally cut off her head, and turn it 'round backwards!!??? If not...

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