Sabotage Times, We can't Concentrate so Why Should You?Sabotage Times, We can't Concentrate so Why Should You?

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Girls! We Need To Talk About The Thigh Rub

by Lauren Bravo
6 September 2013 10 Comments

It happens to nearly everyone but why does nobody talk about it? The thigh rub is hell and we need to do something about it...

Do your thighs meet in the middle? If so, then welcome, friend! This is a circle of trust. There will be no mocking here; no pointing and laughing. Together, we’re going to finally bring a topic out in the open.

It’s not glamorous or sexy, but it has gone unspoken in society for far too long now and needs to be given a good airing – quite literally, because the topic is inner-thigh rubbing. BOOM. There, I said it. And nobody died.

I remember the first time I ever spoke about my summer affliction. I was 18 (that’s about six years of silent wincing and secret Sudocrem application on beach holidays, folks) and in Paris with two friends for a post A-levels holiday. It was July, it was boiling, and as skint students with a moderate fear of foreign public transport systems, we did loads of walking.

Because it was our first time in Paris we’d decided to dress as we imagined people who had cool, romantic encounters in Paris dressed – mainly floral sundresses from Dorothy Perkins – and, it being boiling and the footless tights revolution of ’05 yet to kick off, we were bare-legged.

After about two days of sweaty traipsing round le hotspots touristique, one of us brought it up. I don’t remember which of us it was, but it would have gone a bit like: “Do your… um, I mean… does it hurt when… like, y’know… are your legs a bit… raw?” “YES!” we all shrieked back in blessed relief. And then we realised we were normal, and it was a beautiful moment.


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Even more beautiful was that we solved the problem together by cutting off pairs of nude tights into comfort shorts, and wore them merrily underneath our frocks for the rest of the week. C’est le mode de Britannique, innit?

Since then, I’ve been on a mission to bust the taboo. Because like IBS and those single, wiry hairs that start growing out of your neck in your mid-20s, it’s something that bloody loads of people experience yet NOBODY TALKS ABOUT.

If ever mentioned at all, it’s dismissed as the preserve of the seriously overweight (see: ‘chub rub’) – not pretty standard, size 12-14 legs like mine. Every summer I watch women with thighs no smaller than my own, cheerfully strolling about with legs al fresco, and truly don’t understand how they’re doing it. “Is it Lanacane?” I want to bellow after them from the ice cream queue, “Or do you have special frictionless skin? How do I get some? ENLIGHTEN ME.”

But the most likely truth is that while these ladies are all smiles and freely wafting chiffon on the outside, they’re secretly nipping off to the loo every half hour to whack a bit of hand cream on the damage and sit with their legs apart, quietly groaning.

If we’re all suffering, sisters, then why must we do it in silence? It’s possible that the reason our olden-day counterparts always wore stockings wasn’t the damned patriarchy, but avoiding an uncomfortable incident on the way to the hat shop.

From time to time, thankfully, I’ll find myself in a thigh-chafe ‘safe space’ and be able to discuss it openly. My flatmate coined the term ‘lady-rubbage’ at uni after a particularly painful summer walk, and it has been a source of endless debate and cosmetic experimentation ever since. Is the desirable result, we ponder, dry skin that doesn’t grip, or, um, lubed skin that doesn’t rub? “Before we ever talked about lady-rubbage, I used to take a little container of talc out with me everywhere,” admits another friend. Noted.

Of course, one option is just to keep your tights on for 12 months of the year – and believe me, if body temperature and comments from strangers weren’t a consideration, I’d be all over it. But the best solution I’ve found in recent years is rocking a natty line in brightly coloured cycling shorts under dresses, hopeful that they say ‘on-trend 90s revival’ rather than ‘meaty thighs prone to friction rash’.

Rather than a solution, though, what I’d really like is awareness. Let’s all talk about it, girls! Let’s get Beyoncé on side! Let’s make it officially ok to stand up and say, “No, I can’t spontaneously climb to the top of that hill because it will rip my inner thighs to shreds. Warn me next time and I’ll pack the comfort shorts.” Is it really such a leap?

If you like it, Pass it on

image descriptionCOMMENTS

Bianca Benn (@cakepopprincess) 10:20 am, 29-Mar-2013

The day that everywhere started stocking 3/4 length leggings was the true start of the revolution! Nude Spanx are fabulous in the evening too. Gone are the days of talcum powder in the loo at midnight!

bennyvalhalla 3:04 pm, 29-Mar-2013

This is why i like 'The Gap' site on Fb ;)

myleftboot 11:20 pm, 29-Mar-2013

Oh, now those late night wifely composites make more sense,I thought it was drunkenness. What can a compassionate husband do ladies? Tried kissing, that stings-chafes-tickles

madhatter 1:28 am, 30-Mar-2013

i suffer, and am relatively slim at size 8-10.. i inherited my mothers thighs and cope by walking with my legs apart (like ive shit myself) it sometimes makes the legs appear thinner, or not walking very far at all...

soupprincess 2:20 am, 30-Mar-2013

I have actually had that climbing the hill conversation with my ex-fiance, only it went more like, why, no, I can't actually go on a five mile hike downtown, when we were supposed to go for coffee. Perhaps next time you'll tell me before I get a quarter mile from home wearing a cocktail dress and thin dressy sandals with absolutely no padding whatsoever. :b

Allyn 1:15 pm, 30-Mar-2013

Ha,ha....“Or do you have special frictionless skin? How do I get some? ENLIGHTEN ME.” Best line I've read in ages.

Adam 3:25 am, 7-Apr-2013

We guys get that too! Or more specifically, I get that too. And all my favourite jeans get worn away in the inner thigh first, never in those fashionable places like the knee's and what have you. Sisters and brothers should really unite over this.

Ex-rubber 1:20 pm, 27-Apr-2013

using anti-perspirant on your thighs will eliminate this problem. i use a strong one like mitchum :D

Nota-PCguy 10:33 pm, 17-May-2013

Maybe it's one of those things (like tight pants) that should make you consider changing your diet and starting to incorporate excercise into your daily routine regularly... Nothing to talk about. Just lose weight.

kapooley 11:48 am, 5-Jun-2013

Hallelujah - thank you for bringing this taboo up! I get so confused when I see women much fatter than me in really hot climes in skirts wand they aren't wincing as they walk: do their thighs just... harden up after a while? My life has been saved on a number of occasions by American Apparel mid-thigh jersey i.e. 'legginsy' shorts under dresses/ skirts :o)

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