12 Things To Make A Man Feel A Lot Better

Are you a man? Do you feel pissed off? Blue? Unsatisfied? We're here to help...
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Are you a man? Do you feel pissed off? Blue? Unsatisfied? We're here to help...
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Kick a ball, HARD – even like me if you don’t like football, kicking a ball makes you feel fantastic. Can be a small ball that a dog would chase but a big one is better. You can also kick someone elses, interrupting their game. They usually don’t mind. Also hitting a ball works, tho’ it’s not as good. Throwing a ball does not work at all but throwing big stones in rivers does.

Throw a big stone in a river or sea or even a pond. PLA-DOSH!

Wrestle with a dog – getting a bit rough with a dog brings out the inner-man in you – when you both show your teeth – like what is used to be like wrestling bears to the ground for breakfast. Choose your dog carefully though as at this level your jugular is exposed. Avoid terriers and rottweilers off leads. 

Eat a strong curry - Forget the hygiene rating on the door – what you need is food that TASTES AMAZING. The best curry houses don’t have leather seats.

Don’t brush your hair – get out of bed, look in the mirror, say ‘fuck it’ and just go to work looking like a dog.

In fact – just lie in bed – lie in and when you feel like getting up, without looking at your watch, get up. If you feel slightly like staying in a bit longer – do so. Ignore the phone, don’t turn on any electrical gadgets. This is the best thing in the world.

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Go out and drink far too much. Don’t do this too often and don’t become a twat, annoying other people. But when your demon says ‘just one more’, have one. Best to plan a number 6 above before – if you lie in like a professional, you won’t get an overhang unless you drank FAR too much. It’s a fine balance.

Go REALLY FAST. Nothing is better for the soul. You can do this on a bike, motorcycle, car. It even works on an intercity train if you stand near the window near the exit or in the diner car. TGV’s in France are stupidly fast as are those trains that go from London to Brussels. Japan and China have faster ones if you feel flush. Does not work on a bus – some taxi’s can be similar very early in the morning..

Climb a tree. It’s amazing how quickly this becomes scary and you realise you can only get two branches up. But climb in an ancient oak or horse chestnut, which are hard to get started on, climbing trees, looking down on people walking below without their knowing really is a great feeling. Extra thrill? Jump off.

Swinging over a river on a very thin fraying rope. Having a good old swing over a boiling river – that if you fall in or the rope snaps you are going to get soaking wet and maybe swept away to the North Sea. It’s the best feeling. Want to top it? Try the next one:

Take all your clothes off and dive into a wave in either the North Sea or the English Channel. This works particularly well the morning after no 7 above. Exhilarating.