20 Very British Problems

The best Twitter account ever has gone and done a book...
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The best Twitter account ever has gone and done a book...

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If you have Twitter and you don’t follow Very British Problems, you’ve massively gone wrong. To persuade you to follow them (and also to buy their ace new 270 page book), I thought I’d stick this list together of their 20 best posts.

1. Expertly turning a trip into a gentle jog.

2. The moment of split-second panic wondering if the automatic door is going to open or not.

3. Being required by law to have a pint and a fry-up in an airport, regardless of the fact it’s 6.am and you fancy neither.

4. Asking to sample an ale, disliking it and ordering a pint so as not to further waste the barman’s time.

5. Worried you’ll be suspected a thief if you exit a shop without making a purchase.

6. Patiently queuing in a queue that turns out not to be a queue at all.

7. Translating ‘carpe diem’ as ‘treat yourself to a slightly more expensive loaf of bread’.

8. Saying, ‘Oh I don’t remember, just give me a fiver,’ despite being in dire straits and knowing full well it came to £6.40.

9. Being unable to recall the last time you ended a conversation without muttering, ‘Roll on summer, that’s what I say’.

10.  The exhausting exasperation resulting from people who try to enter the lift before you’ve exited.

11. Attempting to deal with a queue jumper by staring fiercely at the back of their head.

12. Someone pressing the button at the pelican crossing when you’ve clearly just pressed it.

13. Saying ‘thanks very much, cheers, ta,’ as a way of thanking someone.

14. Being forced to use emoticons in text messages to alert people that you’re definitely not being sarcastic.

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15. Saying ‘Yes, we should definitely do that sometime’ to indicate you will never be meeting up for dinner. Ever.

16. Accidently touching someone’s hand on the commute and immediately worrying they think you’re a pervert.

17. Losing faith in your delivery halfway through telling a joke, so opting just to explain what the punch line was going to be and why.

18. The fear of being encourage to ‘do that impression you do’.

19. Inviting someone to ‘drop by anytime’ and then they do.

20. Hoping someone else pressed the stop button on the bus, so as not to inconvenience the driver.

Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward For Ourselves, One Rainy Day At A Time is available here.

Follow Tom Ward on Twitter here. He's also got problems.