RELATED
Meet Foreskin Man: A Superhero That Cares About Your Skin
A new breed of vigilante Superhero who saves you by the skin of your teeth... By your teeth I mean penis.
Foreskin Man the Alterna-Superhero
The receipts are in and, despite a $56,000,000 haul, 20th Century Fox has to be a little underwhelmed by the performance of X-Men: First Class. Speculation is rife about why the film had the weakest opening of the franchise to date. They might blame the largely unknown cast, director Matthew Vaughn’s relative inexperience, or just general audience mistrust towards prequels (that slapping sound is George Lucas giving it some heavy facepalm). But the most likely explanation is that we’re just getting a bit sick of comic book movies.
After the first X-Men movie confounded everyone by being a decent film that treated viewers like grownups, the studios set their x-ray vision on any character with a cape and an alliterative alter-ego. They may not have killed the golden goose, but they certainly rammed a funnel down its oesophagus and started pumping. As a result, the market’s been saturated and filmmakers are running out of recognisable properties to adapt.
If, like us, they’re growing bored of the conventional underdog-turned-vigilante story, they might be interested in an all-new superhero currently flying off the shelves in San Francisco. Foreskin Man may share a costume colour scheme with Wolverine, but he’s vehemently opposed to sharp blades, especially the ones used to “cut into the penile flesh of an eight-day-old infant boy.” Well, who wouldn’t be?
the uncircumcised minority are treated as quirky novelties, like gingers or Sarah Palin.
OK, so it’s unlikely that this particular hero is going to be featuring on a Happy Meal box anytime soon. Instead, he’s here to rid the world (or at least Northern California) of the scourge of circumcision, and it seems like he’s got a battle on his hands. In the US, 80% of American men are snipped as children, so much so that the uncircumcised minority are treated as quirky novelties, like gingers or Sarah Palin.
For years, debate has raged about whether or not it’s acceptable to ‘mutilate’ a child’s genitals. Advocates of the practice argue that it’s a relatively painless procedure with a myriad of health and hygiene benefits. Alternatively, opponents believe that maybe kids should be entitled to decide for themselves whether they want part of their cock cutting off, rather than having it done arbitrarily before they’ve even grown out of their first pair of bootees.
The political debate has come to a shiny purple head in the Bay Area, where a concerned public interest group of ‘intactivists’ has lobbied to have a new proposal added to the November ballot. This means that voters get to decide whether theirs will be the first US city to outlaw child circumcision.
In many ways, it makes sense that the battle lines over this issue would be drawn in San Francisco. After all, this is a city with cock on the brain. As well as being home to the ultra-desirable neighbourhood of Nob Hill, the city is watched over by Coit Tower, a 210ft phallus that was erected in 1933 in honour the city’s firefighters. Then, of course, there’s The Castro – a whole district dedicated to wang worship, where the only toys displayed in shop windows come with a realistic vibrating action. If you see the word ‘uncut’ on a DVD in this part of town, it’s probably not referring to a previously unseen Director’s edit.
If the measure passes, circumcision on the under-18s will become a misdemeanour offence punishable by a $1,000 fine or a year in jail, with no religious exemptions. The Jewish community is understandably upset about this threat to their religious freedoms, with Rabbi Gil Yosef Leeds claiming “For a city that’s renowned for being progressive and open-minded, to even have to consider such an intolerant proposition … it sets a dangerous precedent for all cities and states.” They’ve also accused the creator of Foreskin Man of being anti-Semitic, given the fact that the comic’s chief villain is called ‘Monster Mohel’. Matthew Hess defended himself, saying “A lot of people have said that, but we’re not trying to be anti-Semitic. We’re trying to be pro-human rights.”
The argument of religious freedom is a tricky one, especially since the children involved have no say in the matter. As with all forms of freedom, limitations come into effect as soon as the freedom of a third party is affected. Surely, kids would be better off growing into their own bodies before they have bits of them hacked off, in the same way that no-one would condone giving a three-year old a nose-job. By the time they reach the age of consent, they can decide for themselves whether they want their cock remodelled – hell, they can hammer a nail through it if they like. Each to their own.
In the meantime, we can all sleep soundly in our beds, safe in the knowledge that the ever-vigilant Miles Hastwick is defending our dicks through his research at the Museum of Genital Integrity. When this Dark Knight Rises, it’s hard to miss – in fact you can see it through his tights.
Click here for more stories about Life
Click here to follow Sabotage Times on Twitter
Click here to follow Sabotage Times on Facebook
If you like it, Pass it on
COMMENTS
The latest numbers (2009) put the circumcision rate in the US at less than 33%
Repulsive thing to do to a baby. And for what?
Love it! His body, his choice! I do want to point out that the Mad Doctor is the first villain, from the first episode. The Mohel was introduced in the second episode. In the eyes of a baby both a doctor and a Mohel coming at their penis with a sharp knife would be a scary villain!!!
Next in line to protect SF's children is a ban on wet bathing until the infant is hold enough to hold up its own head. Pneumonia is the leading cause of infant mortality and "anabaptists"—as backers call themselves—claim the risk of aspirating bath water is too great, especially considering infants' short airways and undeveloped immune systems. The bill contains no religious exemptions for baptism. Says anabaptist Claudia Yentser: "Those baptismal fonts are the worst! Tepid water sits in the font from the beginning of the service until the baptism, which for some churches can be over an hour! And the basins are rarely sterilized! Imagine how terrified the baby must be, not being able to swim! But this ballot initiative isn't anti-Christian, many sects of Christianity postpone baptism until the child is old enough to speak for herself. Those other Christians just have to join the 21th century."
Right the question is: Is it okay to cut off part if someone's body without their permission? YES OR NO! Circumcision - Been there done that. Biggest mistake of my life...DUH.
Dropping some harmless water on a kid's head isn't remotely the equal to branding a child's body with genital reduction surgery. A child can always undo a harmless water baptism but you can't ever get back your entire d***!
"Harmless water baptism"?! Are you kidding? The WHO estimates that one in three perineonatal deaths are due to pneumonia. Compared to pneumonia, circumcision is orders of magnitude less dangerous; the lives of thousands of children would be saved if a ban on perineonatal wet bathing were passed. Intactivists refer to infants screaming when they see the circumcisionist's scalpel [seriously, how many 8-day-olds know what a scalpel is?], but the rapid respiration of a terrified infant during baptism can actually increase the chances she will aspirate contaminated water into the lungs and develop pneumonia. An 18-year old male can always convert from Judaism—if that's his sitiuation—or commence foreskin restoration if he wants to undo his circumcision. Some Christians postpone baptism until adolescence. A child can never undo baptism if he has died from pneumonia.
Wow, first off a specific bacteria from other infected humans causes causes pneumonia, not water on the head or even aspirated water. Second, infants are not dunked under water for a baptism. Third infants actually have a reflex that closes their mouths when they go under water which is why infant swimming lessons are so popular. Fourth foreskin restoration does not reverse the effects, it can repair some of the damage by returning sensitivity to the glans but it will never replace the specialized selective tissue that was removed and not even all men can successfully restore. Fifth, more boys die yearly from circumcision than boys who die from SIDs or car accidents in their first year of life. Sixth, no one says that infants are terrified of the knife itself but when a blunt probe is jammed under their foreskin, which is fused the the glans in infants (that's the entire head of the penis) and the foreskin is then torn entirely from the glans, then then a clamp is used to make a dorsal crush line, then a device is attached to make a crush line around the entire circumference then the foreskin is finally severed from the body, you better believe that an infant is not only terrified but in excruciating pain. I can't believe I'm even wasting time to talk to someone so obtuse. Wow! Just goes to show you that all kinds of people are on the internet...
If you are a woman. How about YOU sign up for a circumcision? If you are a man, I hope I made your penis hurt with that description...
Me obtuse?! You're the one who ignored the "contaminated" before "water" in my previous comment. At no point did I suggest that babies' heads are submersed during baptism. Of course a trickle of water on the forehead doesn't induce a "dive response." If only it did! When facing upward, infants' nostrils tend to lie below the level of their foreheads, cheeks, and lips, causing the baptismal water to pool just below the nostrils. If the child is crying or even breathing rapidly, that water—possibly contaminated water—is aspirated into the lungs. How many churches do you know sterilize the baptismal font and use distilled water? Even if the water is clean, the infant's forehead is most likely already inoculated with bacterial/viral/fungal agents that cause pneumonia [yes, pneumonia is caused by more than one species of bacteria, several fungi, and various strains of virus] and wash down the forehead with the formerly clean water. These agents are either aerosolized by coughs and sneezes in the church or deposited by the well-shaken hands of the pastor or proud father. Mention of infant swimming lessons is a red herring. Yes babies have a dive response, but they don't go into the water of their own volition and they have no prior experience with pools being wet. Otoh, I have instructed swimming for children, and the chief obstacle for children learning to swim is getting their faces wet because they don't want water up their noses. Most likely this stems from being traumatized by wet bathing or baptism as infants before they could hold their heads up. Okay, so more boys die from circumcision than from SIDs or car accidents. Nevertheless, pneumonia is currently the leading cause of infant deaths, at around 33% of of the total mortality rate. Even if we halve that rate because around half the deaths are female, death from infant circumcision would have to account for over 10% of total infant mortality to even approach pneumonia, which it doesn't. And how do you suppose these infants catch pneumonia? Wet bathing—including baptism—before the child's neck is strong enough to support the head.
Me? I wish I was circumcised. It'd be so much easier to clean, not that infection is a problem but the smell can be off-putting. And I'd love to feel the breeze down there on a cool Canadian mornin'. I've tried to circumcise myself several times, but the foreskin keeps growin' back. Damn my mutant healing factor!
Hugh Jackman has the same problem.
I personally am very grateful that I was never circumcised, I think it is a much nicer feeling, especially for masturbation! I pity my circumcised brothers! If a male had to make a conscious choice to be circumcised as an adult, I am sure only very few would choose it. No European man ever does. Like female circumcision, it diminishes sexual pleasure. Health is not an argument, as any European doctor can assure you. On the contrary, nature has given the foreskin the task of protecting the very sensitive glans of the penis. Come on my American brothers, don't let them take the pleasure away from you! Keep your organs intact and proud! Ban circumcision of little boys! And Jews or Muslims can show how much they value their faith by making a conscious decision to sacrifice sexual pleasure for their faith when they are adults. A good website to get informed about the functions and sexual pleasure of the foreskin: http://www.noharmm.org/anatomy.htm
SABOTAGE
