Sabotage Times, We can't Concentrate so Why Should You?Sabotage Times, We can't Concentrate so Why Should You?


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Being A Freelancer: Week One, Day One

by Karina Evans
17 April 2013 7 Comments

The life of a freelancer isn't all fun and games. It involves forgotten passwords, copious amounts of coffee and cigarettes and morning viewings of Homes Under The Hammer.

writer

06:30 Wake up. Groan. Press snooze. Fall asleep again.

06:44 Wake up. Groan. Press snooze. Fall asleep again.

06:58 Wake up. Groan. Press snooze. Fall asleep again.

07:12 Wake up. Turn off alarm. Fall asleep again.

09:53 Wake up. Panic. Throw self from bed.

10:00 Make coffee. Become a little excited about what the day holds.

10:07 Switch on laptop. Switch on television. Stare at laptop for twenty-three minutes.

10:30 Note that Homes Under the Hammer is on. Watch Homes Under the Hammer.

11:30 Note that laptop has gone into hibernation mode. Press buttons and frantically rub mouse pad.

11:31 Realise that laptop is now turned off. Swear. Switch laptop back on. Check emails on smartphone.

11:34 Delete thirty-three emails from Groupon and online pharmaceutical companies.

11:35 Stare at laptop. Recall that secondary email account is linked to a freelance job site. Try to log into secondary email account. Realise have forgotten password.

11:36 Stare at laptop. Check Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Google+, LinkedIn, Tumblr, Pornhub, MySpace and Bebo.

13:14 Check freelance writers’ jobs boards. Apply for blogging job.

13:38 Post something funny on Facebook.

13:39 Lol

13:48 Make coffee. Smoke seven cigarettes.

14:00 Make lunch. Eat lunch. Smoke rest of cigarettes. Think.

14.59 Check emails on phone. Cry.

15:07 Hear phone ring. Dive off sofa onto phone. Wrestle with phone. Answer phone. Note that it is mother and not a potential customer. Feel disappointed and bad about self.

15:15 Give self a talking to. Offer writing services to fifteen people on Gumtree. Apply for job as a train driver.

15:34 Start writing a novel.

15:35 Imagine self receiving Orange Prize for Fiction.

15:38 Imagine self spending rest of life with Robert Downey Jr.

17:01 Start writing a short story.

17:02 Start writing an article.

17:03 Start writing a poem.

17:04 Start a character table and timeline for novel.

17:05 Research magazines that buy short stories. Focus particularly on required word count.

17:06 Do word count on own short story.

17:07 Start inventing new board game.

17:08 Have a bath.

17:45 Set alarm. Have a nap.

18:45 Press snooze. Fall asleep again.

18:52 Press snooze. Fall asleep again.

18:59 Press snooze. Fall asleep again.

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19:06 Wake up. Dismiss alarm. Make coffee.

19:13 Check time three times. Check to see if sun is over yard arm. Pour large glass of wine.

19:20 Check emails. Note email from print company offering discounted business cards.

19:21 Design business cards.

19:56 Order business cards, flyers, pens, keyrings, baseball caps and notebooks.

20.02 Pour large glass of wine.

20:07 Check writers’ jobs boards again.

20:12 Apply for three blogging jobs.

20:23 Pour a vodka. Drink vodka.

20:32 Frown at empty cigarette packet.

20:33 Consider going out to buy more cigarettes.

20:35 Search in all drawers for emergency cigarettes.

20:56 Find discarded electronic cigarette.

20:57 Clamp electronic cigarette between lips. Inhale. Sit down and stare at laptop.

21:04 Exhale. Cough. Flick through the electronic TV planner.

21:09 Turn off TV. Stare at laptop. Inhale.

21:10 Exhale. Cough. Pour a vodka.

21:15 Note that head is nicely fuzzy. Go outside to look at night sky. Feel creative. Consider insignificance of mankind in relation to universe.

21:19 Go inside. Pick up fountain pen.

21:20 Scribble three pages of illiterate prose. Feel smug.

21:29 Start building a website.

23:45 Decide to finish website-building tomorrow. Look at online preview of business cards.

00:00 Note typo on business cards. Order more, plus car sticker, appointment cards, chocolate bar wrappers and canvas bags.

00:06 Check online bank account.

00:15 Find old books. List them on eBay.

00:34 Open a new Word document.

00:35 Tap fountain pen on teeth.

00:37 Clean ink off teeth.

00:39 Open documents of all other work completed during the day.

00:42 Read then delete documents of all other work completed during the day.

00:45 Empty recycle bin to ensure documents will never be found.

00:47 Attempt to read illiterate mankind/universe prose in notebook.

00:56 Rip pages from notebook. Burn them.

01:04 Suddenly recall password for secondary email account. Log in.

01:05 Begin to scan through five hundred and forty-one emails in case one contains a job offer.

01:10 Fall asleep.

01:29 Wake with a start, due to email notification.

01:30 Check email. Delete email from Groupon.

01:31 Think of great things to do in the morning. Set alarm for 06:30

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image descriptionCOMMENTS

bnd 10:38 am, 17-Apr-2013

sounds like a blast!

leftboot 12:33 pm, 17-Apr-2013

Does his mum read this? No wanking? Liar

Aron 12:46 pm, 17-Apr-2013

Karina is a woman leftboot.

Karina 2:19 pm, 17-Apr-2013

Leftboot, note the time gap between checking Pornhub and checking freelance job boards... Karina.

Mary Papastavrou 4:05 am, 20-Apr-2013

Karina, I related wildly!!! This is pure tragicomic stuff. Loved it, really loved it. ' Tap fountain pen on teeth...Clean ink off teeth'! The search for cigarettes, jobs, the smug feeling after some writing, the Orange price...Note that my reveries go all the way up to Oscar acceptance speech for best script!

Karina 5:41 pm, 20-Apr-2013

Mary, sadly I am still repeating this day. I have achieved precisely nothing. Except this article. Oh, and seventeen websites, 750 business cards and several online portfolios.

Mary Papastavrou 3:10 am, 21-Apr-2013

Courage, Karina,keep writing and stay proud. I can't wait to read your next article.

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