1. The Ultimate in Service
Don’t forget the wet wipes, don’t forget the loo roll, don’t forget the tickets: come summertime in dear Blighty, these cries reach across the land and start the battle cry for the rave at heart. Yet, as festival season approaches, so do the memories of just what an endurance event they can be: the queues, the loos, the mud, the booze.
And that’s if you’ve been lucky enough to afford and secure a ticket in the first place. Indeed, recent fact-finding reports indicate that the major UK festivals have become too costly for the 18-24 age-bracket, and ergo: the preserve of the middle-aged middle-class.
Here at Farrell, we think this is a shame. We believe in the democratic approach to festival demographics, but we like to do it fine style; so we’ve come up with a solution to address this problem: The Rave Valet.
In life, there is nothing more luxurious than a butler. Just ask Prince Charles: there is not a single experience that they do not amplify, especially getting up the nose of the Ottolenghi Hunter Brigade.
Second only to the feeling of luxury, is the spirit of magnanimity. Here’s the rub: by ‘hiring’ a young lad or lass from your local town, you can live like a future King for the first two days; in which they’ll have to do all tent erecting and queuing for you. In return, you pay for their ticket, and look after them on the last day, schooling them in the dancefloor dictums of your glory days.
Farrell: helping you put the Ravery into Slavery!
2. Wind Your Neck Up
It is hard to imaging a more dispiriting experience than queuing for 45 minutes for eight piss-poor pints of Tuborg, whilst Alex Turner belts his way through his back-catalogue, only for you to emerge from the beer tent with no idea as to the location of your homies.
As you wander with leaden legs looking in desperation, pawing at strangers’ rucksacks with the look of an abandoned puppy on your face, it’s not hard to believe that the festival has turned into a musical Bermuda Triangle.
Don’t cry: think about ways to help you locate your friends next year.
The obvious answer is, of course, this: buy your best mate a Giraffe the week before the festival. Not only will you be able to spot them from any location on-site, you can also recoup the considerable cost by charging little people for a better view.
3. Count Drinkula
Go hard or go home is no maxim for the first day of a festival. In the immortal words of Mike Skinner in ‘Too Much Brandy’: Take it easy mate, if you start to think you’re a state, you definitely are a state. The best way to avoid an unsightly mess in your tent or everyone else’s memory is to count your drinks. And the best way to count your drinks at a festival is to stack your paper-cups atop each other and not throw them away each time.
4. Avoid Novelty Clothing
‘That Jester Hat really suits you’ is an expression never uttered on planet earth. There’s a very good reason for that. Forsake novelty for functional: a small rucksack is a goddamn godsend when you’re unable to put ‘owt on the floor for three days straight.
5. Appreciate Festival Folklore
When without phone reception or battery for a prolonged spell, you can become fully immersed in the festival folklore experience. And that means not only believing in it, but adding to it too. Sure, ‘an escaped lion has just bummed Serge from Kasabian in the VIP area’ may sound far fetched now, but just wait until you’ve not slept for four days and have a cuttlefish for a tongue.
Farrell is the clothing label created by Robbie Williams as a tribute to the classic style and character of his late grandfather Jack ‘The Giant KIller’ Farrell. Check their site out here and some more great jackets here Match Day Get Up: 3 Jackets That Won't Let You Down.