Bad news for everyone with fully-functioning ears – celebrated tone-deaf socialite Paris Hiilton’s new album is almost due to be released. As someone with very little talent in any field that can legally be shown before the watershed, Hilton is really someone that should just sit quietly in the corner with her piles of money rather than inflict her plethora of talents upon the world. However, many other celebrities have also enjoyed dubious success in career paths beyond what they’re known for. Here are some of the absolute best celebrity crossover projects:
As would be expected by the world’s oldest pop-punk princess, Avril Lavigne’s clothing line is a vile collection of neon-bright skull-print, tartan micro-minis and randomly placed studs. Her clothing brand Abbey Dawn is a godsend for the teenage skater girl lurking inside all of us, and an eyesore to everybody well past their 'scene' stage. In fairness to her, it’s clear she was enthusiastically involved in the design process, which makes the end result all the more cringingly embarrassing.
Considering the generally pre-pubescent nature of their fanbase, releasing a line of condoms might have seemed like a strange move for the band to make, but JLS’s collaboration with Durex, named ‘Just Love Safe’, is quite legitimately part of a campaign to promote safer sex for their slightly older fans. Pulling out a condom box with a teen pop sensation’s face would be a major mood killer for me, but each to their own. Enrique Iglesias was once supposed to get on the condom game as well by releasing his own personalised brand of extra-small rubbers, but apparently never got round to it. Shame.
Nelly’s fourth single was entitled ‘Pimp Juice’, which naturally lent itself to a real-life spinoff. Pimp Juice contains 100% of your RDA of vitamins C and B and for legal reasons, no actual pimp. Due to really quite fair accusations of helping perpetuate negative African-American stereotypes, Pimp Juice was largely pulled from the global market and you can now only buy it in Australia through a website that doesn’t seem to have been updated since the mid-2000s.
At the height of their fame, neither Hanson nor their fans were old enough to drink. Nearly 20 years on, the MMMbop stars are inexplicably still touring and selling a novelty Hanson-themed beer. I have absolutely no idea who is still going to Hanson concerts in this day and age, but if their vaguely irritating one-hit wonder wasn’t enough of an incentive, why not pick up a bottle of MMMhops? The band originally announced the intention to make the beer in 2011 but only got around to releasing it in 2013, presumably held up by what I'm sure must be constant job offers and studio work.
I don’t know why the ex-bassist from the Rolling Stones has his own line of metal detectors but I certainly don’t begrudge him it. If there’s a more charming hobby for an aging rocker to have then I don't want to hear about it. The website he’s flogging them on is equally adorable, with a whole section titled ‘detecting with Bill’. Nothing more endearing than when ex-wreckheads turn into someone’s disarmingly nice granddad.
The Hoff has never been one to shy away from whatever money-making opportunities came his way, but by far my favourite of his endeavors was Hoffspace. Fed up of imposters of him and his kids on social networking sites, David Hasselhoff took the only logical decision a man could take and set up a social networking site entirely based around his own brand. 6000 people joined, but for some completely unknown reason it never really took off. Astounding, really – what brings people together more than a shared love of David Hasselhoff? Nothing. I just checked and the site is still up, so maybe there’s hope for Hoffspace yet.