Cheryl Cole's Joined Twitter: 5 Spats We're Looking Forward To

Cheryl's the latest celeb to join the Twittersphere. Can we expect 140 character works of art or will she just end up scrapping with alter ego Cheryl Kerl?
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Cheryl's the latest celeb to join the Twittersphere. Can we expect 140 character works of art or will she just end up scrapping with alter ego Cheryl Kerl?

Ready your retweet (or block) buttons people -- Cheryl Cole has joined Twitter. Yesterday she popped her social networking cherry by tweeting, “It's me CC! WHERE MY SOLDIERS AT.......?!!! I can't believe what my fingers are doing but yes I'm tweeting :-s so here goes...X”.

As first tweets go it’s nothing special, apart from the fact she appears to have lost some members of the military. Careless. No doubt there will be better things to come. I’m sure we’re all eager to see what the Geordie lass has to tweet about now her reality TV show career is in tatters.

Fans (yes I do believe she still has some) have been eager for her to join Twitter and they’ve finally got their wish. They’ll most likely be able to gloss over the fact she once likened the site to a “personal tracking device”, just like they’ve glossed over that minor toilet attendant incident and her shoddy music.

Promoting her album on Radio 1 last year, Cheryl spared some time to talk about Twitter stating: “I don’t wanna wake up in the morning and say “I’m having a coffee”. I just don’t.” Fast forward past some unfortunate business on American X-Factor and lo and behold Cheryl’s third tweet in reads: “There is NOTHING better than the smell of fresh coffee in the morning..”

Expect to see Cheryl asking Ashley whose idea it was to do those god awful National Lottery ads.

If we’ve learnt anything about Cheryl in recent months it’s that once she’s made her mind up about something she rarely backtracks. No word yet on whether she’ll be doling out any birthday lap dances on Twitter.

So, now she’s going to be sharing her innermost thoughts in 140 characters what can we expect? In-depth political insight? Her views on whether the fact her hair took up too much screen room was the real reason she was sent packing from LA? Doubtful. I think Cheryl’s best work will come in the form of spats with fellow tweeps. Here’s five meeting or tweeting of minds to look forward to in the coming months.

Cheryl vs Cheryl Kerl

Chezza’s never been too happy about @CherylKerl making a few quid out of his book of tweets, Woath It? Coase Ah Am Pet. On seeing the book cover the best she could come up with was “they’re not my teeth!”. The day these two start chatting get ready to be baffled by 140 characters of illegible Geordie being fired across the Twittersphere. Perfect for a sequel - 'Step Owtside Pet: Sat’dee Neet’s Alreet Faw Fightin’

Cheryl vs Simon Cowell

Cheryl must still be seething over Simon’s inability to keep her overly coiffured bonce on our television screens. If she can hold back her foul mouthed evisceration of the trousered one, then Simon might have some newbie tweep advice for Cheryl. I’m imagining it might go something like “Make it your own, let your heart bleed out for all of Cyberspace to see and then use the outpouring of emotion to secure yourself some bloody work, woman.”

Cheryl vs Fucking Ledge

If you're not aware of @FuckingLedge, now is probably a good time to start. A parody wrapped in a skit wrapped in an arsehole, Ledge tweets legions of hilarious filth on any given subject and was recently credited with convincing the world that Lenny Henry was dead. As we know, Cheryl has the sense of humour of a vacuum cleaner with a full bag so when ledge invariably tweets, 'just snorted a bag of chang off Chezza's baps,' we imagine the riposte to be swift an arrow, yet as cutting as a styrofoam cup.

Cheryl vs Ashley

Back together or not this has the makings of a good Twitter scrap. Especially when Ashley accidentally sends pictures of little ashley with 'Sharon' written on it in lipstick to Cheryl rather than his latest hairdresser.

Cheryl vs Lily Allen

These two have been having a pop at each other via the papers for years. It’s time to bring this argument to the digital age girls, newspapers are so last century. They’ve argued, they’ve made up, they’ve argued again. No-one really cares but it’s always fun to watch a scrap on Twitter. Girls Aloud could reform in cyberspace to rally round Cheryl in her hour of need.  Actually, let’s hope Lily has the good sense to block Cheryl. We didn’t want to hear from Nadine and the others when they were singing, I doubt Twitter is any different.

So, will you be following Cheryl?  Is she worth it?

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