Exclusive: Ian Rankin Poem On The BBC's Ditching Of Janice Forsyth

Legendary crime writer and Rebus creator Ian Rankin was so incensed about the BBC's decision to remove Janice Forstyth from the airwaves that he wrote us a poem about it...
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Legendary crime writer and Rebus creator Ian Rankin was so incensed about the BBC's decision to remove Janice Forstyth from the airwaves that he wrote us a poem about it...

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Twas in the Year of Our Lord Two-Zero-One-Two
That the numpties of BBC Radio Scotland decided to pu’
The Janice Forsyth Show from its regular slot,
Thus enraging the populace with this terribly thought-out plot.

For those not acquainted, Janice was akin to a goddess,
While coming across to her listeners as really quite modest.
She would mix music with interviews with the stars of the day-o,
And in this respect could be said to resemble Simon Mayo.

From The Vaselines to Edwyn Collins, and Elbow to Bert Jansch,
Her choices made her fan-base smile (and might also make them dance).
And in between songs by the likes of The Blue Nile and Roddy Hart,
She would take the celebrity interview and make of it an art:

So my plea to Radio Scotland is: DON’T DO THIS, YA BUNCH OF FANNIES!

Her Billy Connolly broadcast was one of the best you’ll ever hear,
(All the more so, since it went out slap-bang in the middle of New Year).
Then there was her Connections Quiz, which one week I actually won,
Receiving a wind-up transistor radio, which brought me lots of fun.

But now the BBC has wound ME up, by deciding by its might,
That Radio Scotland will be speech-based by day, playing music only at night.
This, it says, is in line with ‘the BBC Trust backed strategy’,
To make things different from other radio stations  -  but gracious michty me

There’s going to be just sport on Radio Scotland from morning until night,
Not at all unlike TalkSport, so this argument is shite.
And where does this leave Radio Four, with its Desert Island Discs?
We’re in the land of the bland, my friends  -  radio should take risks!

I pen these lines in sorrow, thinking of all the bandies
Who might not have got their radio break, were it not for Janice.
Saturday mornings without her will leave a hole in her fans’ trannies,
So my plea to Radio Scotland is: DON’T DO THIS, YA BUNCH OF FANNIES!

Click here to follow Ian Rankin on Twitter @beathhigh

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