Facebook Drug Time Line: Never Mix Narcotics With Social Networking

Adam's life is spiraling out of control: he's lost his job, his home and his girlfriend, all because of drugs. However, he is still finding the time to update his Facebook status...
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Adam's life is spiraling out of control: he's lost his job, his home and his girlfriend, all because of drugs. However, he is still finding the time to update his Facebook status...

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Facebook rolled out their new timeline profile a while back, much to the dismay of their critics. But for the rest of us normal people who couldn’t give a single fuck about what it looks like, it actually turned out to be pretty nice. It wasn’t long then until someone got creative with it.

This is the Israeli Anti-Drug Authority’s effort at showing the effects of drug use over a year. As the picture shows, it’s split down the middle and shows the effects of a person using drugs on the left, while his clean, drug free alter ego looks like a smug twat across the screen. Now I’m in no doubt that they have absolutely nailed the demographic with this one, and I’m sure it’s making a lot of parents happy in the process, but what drugs is this guy supposed to be on? I’ve had a look through the pictures and can only see a joint and a bong. That’s all very well, marijuana is still a drug, I get that, but is the IADA really trying to say that you will wake up one morning in a fucking car park next to a wheelie bin, wrapped in nothing but a kids football duvet after a month of getting baked?!

I can’t account for all weed smokers out there being completely compos mentis, but this guy is clearly a special case (maybe even just special in general?). It seems that as early as last month, the 4th of December to be exact, he was at the basketball courts asking if anyone had “any shit to burn” then from there it went drastically down hill. He got untidy!

Is the IADA really trying to say that you will wake up one morning in a fucking car park next to a wheelie bin, wrapped in nothing but a kids football duvet after a month of getting baked

The next picture in the timeline shows his once pristine computer desk covered in old coffee cups and cigarette ends. Now that he has the terrible hygiene and cleanliness that is commonly associated with people who have been smoking weed for a grand total of 4 days, he’s officially considered a fully fledged junkie.

It then goes on to show a picture from the 15th of December, his girlfriend, clearly irked by her now ex boyfriends newly acquired messy streak and mild drug problem, has decided that throwing an almighty shit fit and launching his clothes into the street after only a week is the only way to go, as he stands there looking helpless and scruffy, as is typical with the drug addled of today.

I feel for the guy now, he’s probably just finished a bong rip of epic proportions then tried to go about his day. Can’t a man just be untidy without someone flipping out and unloading this shit storm on him? This is not what our man needs at the moment, having went from a basketball loving weed smoker to a full on junkie in 11 days has probably took its toll on poor Adam Barak, the stress alone of having to maintain such a monumental drug problem is enough for any man to crack under the pressure.

I think we can all be a little bit thankful that this homeless, presumably now drug abusing chap still has a solid WIFI connection

We can at least rest easy in the hope that he’s doped up on enough class A’s to ease the pain of being made homeless and single in such a short space of time. Someone throw this man a bottle of water.

I can only hope that this timeline is going to last for a whole year like the title says. His rapid decline in such a short space of time throws up some interesting possibilities for future updates. I think we can all be a little bit thankful that this homeless, presumably now drug abusing chap still has a solid WIFI connection and is able to update the world on these horrific milestones in his life.

This guy is getting a friend request from me.

Instead of the usual garbage I endure on Facebook – the status updates telling me the weather, the never ending stream of reality TV show updates and a constant slideshow of orange girls with duck face pouting on yet another Thursday/Friday/Saturday night out on the lash.

I for one look froward to Adam’s next compelling update! Will Facebook even allow pictures of his inevitable dabbling in prostitution? will he even make it to this December? We shall see.

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