what is the politically correct term for a fatty-boom-boom-can't-stop-shoving-pies-in-my-face?
My new toaster has a special 'brown bread' button. WTF? And if I press it, will I die?
If you've never heard Beatles, Velvet Underground, Chas n Dave or Shakin Stevens (ta @russlitten), then have I got a band for you! #beadyeye
Nick from the Apprentice shops in our Wtrose. He's only little too & stares really hard at all his shopping.
So Hugh Jackman's made a film of Rockem Sockem Robots? What's next? Hungry Hungry Hippo's The Movie, starring Ed Norton?
Rentaghost. The Movie. Not kidding. At all.
ZANY PEOPLE. Help colleagues determine who to avoid on Christmas nights out, by wearing a Santa hat.
BREAKING: James Naughtie pulls out of tomorrow's #today programme. "I just can't get rid of this cunting cough"
Defoe walks into a bar. He goes up to this girl & says "Grab your coat you've pulled". She says "You're a little forward!"
my 900th follower receives a 37 pence cash prize and a photo of me vajazzling myself with a glue gun and bits of BacoFoil.
Doctor: "you have tonsilitis", me: "I don't have any tonsils"
Ever catch yourself in the mirror without posing and think fuck me, I am actually hideous. Do you? I sure as fuck don't.
Something smells wrong. I've just eaten some Roast Beef Monster Munch and also 'rearranged' myself. But where exactly is that smell from?
Just got home to find all the doors and windows open and everything gone. What kind of sicko does that to someone's advent calendar?
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